People Who Make My Life Worth It (Top 35)

-Inspired by Magic in The Everyday’s “People Who Make Me Happy” 

*=are psuedonyms

Thank you to all these people (and more–even those not on the list! ) who have made a positive impact on my life.  If you don’t want your real name used, please contact me as soon as possible! These following people on the list have collectively been there for me in the darkest times, and in the times of triumph, have spoken truth, love and grace into my life when I needed it, have believed in me and accepted me as the person I am, have encouraged me to reach my full potential, and I believe have traits of an authentic person. They are also people who I have had contact with in the past year:

  1. My mom
  2. My dad
  3. My brother
  4. My mentor J
  5. Elaine Scherrer
  6. Krista Volkart
  7. Vicky Hewey
  8. Holly*
  9. Chrissy Rivera
  10. Victor Rivera
  11. Rose*
  12. Ingrid Trujillo
  13. David Dorsey
  14. Tiffany Terrell
  15. Matt Malahy
  16. Aisheyah Simmons
  17. Judy Duckett
  18. Stacy B.
  19. Jarrica Bell
  20. Kelli Huber
  21. Mary Gaffney
  22. Anfal
  23. Londine Tijerina
  24. anyone who reads my blog
  25. Katrin Alyss Rosinski
  26. Greg my store manager
  27. Willy Miranda
  28. Tati Miranda
  29. Cathy Aguirre
  30. Jim Herron
  31. Sis Herron
  32. Marie Rennie
  33. Pastor Shoaf
  34. Troy Shoaf
  35. Jack Lezza
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My Heart Will Always Be With You

My Heart Will Always Be With You

For Erica*, Veronica*, Kelly*, Ted,* Chris* and Elizabeth*  (*=names changed for privacy) 

 

For all that we have been through

Both for the good times and bad

For all the laughter and the tears

My heart will always be with you

 

For all that I have learned from you

For all the truth you showed me

For the joy that you are to me

My heart will always be with you

 

Even when you have to leave me

Even if I can’t be with you

Or your face I can’t again see

My heart will always be with you

The Legacy I Want To Leave

Having gone through depression and being an Advocate personality (a, la Myers-Brigg personality type), I had rarely felt like I belonged anywhere, and thus the subject of death came up many times in my mind.  However, in the past few years, when I think about death and dying, I think more about the legacy I want to leave and what kind of life I want to have lived should the inevitable happen.  Recently, I visited one of my fellow congregants, who is now in hospice. Thinking about the pain and the triumphs that she has been through, I started also thinking about the legacy I want to leave when it is my time to go.  Here is the legacy I want to leave:

First and foremost, I want to lead a legacy of love. I don’t want to leave this earth with people thinking that they were not valued and loved by me.  Sure, I may have bad days, and inevitably this may happen to some degree, but as far as it is possible, I want people to know that they are valued.  I not only want to speak encouragement into others’ lives, but also want to show tangible demonstrations of God’s love to them whenever I can.

I also want to contribute to ending social injustices, such as abuse and slavery.  One way I aim to continue to do this is to spread awareness about these injustices and help some of those who are or have suffered through this.  I want to continue encouraging and coming alongside, as a support, to those I know who have been through abuse or any other type of social injustice.

I also want to buck the trend of apathy in this society, by going against this trend. For instance, I have seen a lot of people both in the places where I work or used to work, do their job solely for the paycheck, and have no passion or joy in what they are doing or for the people they are supposed to be serving. For me, I don’t want to be that person who has no joy or passion for others or for life.  I want to serve others, both at my job, and at other places, with all my heart. I want to work hard because I know it will all be worth it in the end.  When I see someone hurting or suffering, I want to at least stop and pray for them.  I don’t want to turn a blind eye to them, but see where I can help meet their need.

One of the reasons why I don’t ever want to be known as apathetic is because I know how it feels to be devalued by seemingly apathetic people, or people that just gave up on me.  When I have been visibly upset, I lost count of how many times people either just judgmentally stared at me, or avoided me altogether, not even trying to help or seeing if everything is OK. I was also rejected by caretakers at a daycare because I was too unruly for them to handle.  Also, because I had had a demanding personality when I was a child, most of my peers didn’t really want to be close friends with me. When I was going through hell and back in my early teenage years, I could probably count on my hands the number of people that actually cared enough to ask me what was going on with me.

I also want to be able to let go of the things that won’t matter after I die.  Right now, what I am working on letting go of  is a.) holding grudges and anger against individual people. b) the need to be always in control.  c) little things that bother me now, but won’t matter after death.

Sometimes (ok, often), when people offend me, I tend to replay what they did and how I would respond if it happened again.  This replay-tape in my mind tends to build up my anger and bitterness for those people.   I am working on (and getting a bit better at) not replaying the tape so many times. I want to be able to let go and forgive, because I don’t want to be holding grievances against any person when it’s my time to go.  I also want to let go of the need to have everything go my way. I always had thought that if everyone would just cooperate with me and everyone and everything would exactly be this certain way, I wouldn’t be stressed or upset at anything anymore.  However, I have learned that even if things don’t all go exactly my way, I still can find joy and peace in the fact that everything will turn out how it is supposed to and that God will give me the strength I need during each season of my life.  I also want to let go of all the other things that bother me in life, but that won’t matter when I go, such as not finding  something that I want to use or waiting in traffic.

Finally, I want to hold on to the things in my life that will ultimately matter. I aim to always value my God, my family, and my friends, in that order, and above all else, than anything else  this life has to offer. I want to value people over things. I want to hold on to continually developing and improving my character.  I want to be less angry and anxious. Ever since I was little, I have had the propensity to worry. However, I want to leave here not worried about anything anymore. I want to be at complete and total peace.  I also want to be more compassionate to others and less self-centered. I don’t want to let one more day go by without being thankful, in some way, for the people that are in my life. I want to glorify God every day of my life, and I want to love others the way that my God and the people that He brought into my life have shown love to me.  I want to cause a positive chain reaction and ultimately change my world for the better.

How to Give Hope to the Hurting

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, or a mental health professional. If you or someone you love is in a crisis, please feel free to call -1-800-273-8255 (the Lifeline). Someone there can give you the help that is needed. Also, triggers for mentions of suicide.

 

In the past few days, many of you have heard about the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. It has been confirmed by various sources that they died by suicide. However, they are not the only ones who have struggled with depression and feelings of hopelessness in their lives. In fact, suicide rates in the U.S have gone up 30% since 1999, and 45,000 people died by suicide in 2016. (1). In fact, many people I know, myself included, have struggled with depression and/or thoughts of suicide. However, I found hope in my life in God and in the fact that I am not alone in my struggles.  I have also found that there are many people around us that need hope, and some –even motivation to live!  The good news is that, we can help them find hope in their lives and maybe even save some lives!

Here is what I found from my own life experiences that have helped others (and me) find hope in our lives:

One of the most effective ways I found that is effective in helping those who are hurting find hope in their lives again is to speak encouragement into their lives.  One way to do this is to offer hope-filled words to those who are hurting or stressed. We can offer just the right words for the person’s situation. For instance, when my manager Chris* (*=not his real name) was stressed, I gave him a note that had a Bible verse about rest for the weary soul. I think it was Matthew 28:20 (KJV), which says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He really seemed to appreciate the note.  Also, when I was upset and felt despairing of life, my friend Veronica* (*=not her real name) spoke encouraging words into my life as well.  Though I don’t remember exactly what she said, I do remember that after she talked to me, I felt much better and more determined than ever to better my life.  When we lack this encouragement, we will not have as much motivation to persevere in our lives, and can even become cynical and bitter of the people and the world around us. I remember when I felt discouraged and felt that no one was there to emotionally support me, that I became paranoid of the world around me and felt unmotivated and ready to give up on life.

Another way we can speak encouragement into others’ lives is to give praise to people when they do something good. Don’t do this just to flatter them or to manipulate them. This will only serve to make them bitter and cynical in the future, because your motivations will eventually be found out!  However, when you genuinely praise and appreciate someone for the good they do, you create a spark in their heart and their eyes often light up. When my co-worker *Ted got complimented by a customer, I knew he genuinely appreciated the gesture because of how excited and happy his voice was when he related the story of how the customer said that he should be rewarded for his good customer service to them.  When I told several of my managers several months ago how much the opportunity they gave me to be employed full-time there meant to me, they felt genuinely appreciated and loved in a way most of them never have been before.  When people lack this type of encouragement in their lives, they feel nothing they do is ever good enough, so they eventually stop giving their best efforts.  They feel like their hard work is done for naught.  If someone both lacks this encouragement and is constantly being belittled and criticized, he or she can spiral into a deep, dark depression. This lack of encouragement can even lead him or her to self-injure or, worse yet, commit suicide.

Another way we can offer hope to those who are hurting is to offer them practical helps.  If the person that is hurting emotionally is also sick or bed bound, just offering to spend quality time with them will mean a lot.  Also, if possible or necessary, help them with basic household chores to let them know that they are not alone and to help their home to be kept up. Of course, also speak encouraging words into their lives. Let them know that you value them and that they are loved. Let them know that they are not alone, even if it seems that way to them.

If the person is hurting because he or she is stressed and/or anxious, we can offer hope by removing them, if possible, away from the stressful situation. For instance, if a family member is making a person stressed, suggest they spend some time away from them, whether it is at another location or even just in separate rooms of the house, until they are ready to deal with the source of the stress again.  Also, we can offer to be there for them in the stress. Your presence should help them feel less alone in their fears and stresses.  You can also offer to pray for them, if they are religious. We can also be an outlet for them to be able to vent and talk about their stress and fears. When you want to be an outlet, there are some important things to keep in mind. 1) Don’t judge them. Judging someone will only make their stress and anxiety worse, and won’t help the situation at all. Moreover, they will, most likely, shut down immediately.  2) Also, listen attentively to their concerns. This will show that you care about them.  3) Don’t offer to “fix” things (i.e  give unsolicited advice). Sometimes, all people want is for you to listen and affirm them.  4) Affirm who they are as a person. This does not mean you have to affirm their behaviors, but you do need to let them know that there is hope for them and that you value them.

One final way we can offer hope to the hurting is through our own example, mainly having a joy-filled, eternal perspective on life. By focusing on our legacy and being motivated on something that will last a long time, you can inspire others to live hope-filled lives as well. Don’t focus on things that won’t last, such as money, material things, fame, or outer appearances. However, focus more on things that will last forever—such as God (if you are religious), the legacy you leave to the next generation, your relationships with others, and who you are inside.  By focusing on things that will impact your legacy to the next generations, rather than just things that will be gone when you die, it will give you a bigger perspective on life and will give you more motivation and hope for the future.  We can then teach this principle to others, giving them hope as well, especially when they are looking for it themselves.

When we help others find hope through our encouraging words, through coming alongside them and helping them in more practical ways, and by inspiring others through our hope-filled, larger perspective on life, we can help heal a broken world.  There is always hope when you are alive, and you can make a positive difference in others’ lives by how we live every day.

Source: 1) National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.  (June 7, 2018). Suicide Rates Rising Across the U.S. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/index.html.

What I Learned From the #Metoo Movement

According to the Me Too Movement website ( https://metoomvmt.org/ ), the MeToo Movement was founded over a decade ago, in 2006, by Tamara Burke, but this movement only recently gained popularity in the wake of the scandal involving Harvey Weinstein. The #Metoo Movement has been an iconic symbol for cultural and revolutionary change for woman, not only to gain more equality, but also to fight for respect and dignity as human beings.  I have personally witnessed or heard many women, including myself, experience sexual or other types of exploitation simply because of our gender. From the #metoo movement, I have learned plenty of things, including what I believe are four of the most important credos that I hold that stem from the values of the #metoo movement that we can all apply, regardless of religious or political persuasion:

  1. Survivors of sexual harassment and/or abuse need to be valued and respected as the brave people they are, and not condemned or judged.—One of the first things that I learned that the #Metoo Movement gave me an awareness of is the horrible ways that many survivors of sexual abuse and harassment are treated when they report these incidents. Their allegations are not only often dismissed or ignored, they are, in some cases, judged or condemned, as if they were all “false” allegations. Yes, there have been a few incidents where allegations have proven to be lies and drama, but more often than not, I have found that many of the people who dismissed these allegations felt that they had to protect the perpetrator or perpetrators for some reason, even if they knew these people actually abused these survivors! I also have found that many survivors of harassment and abuse have been afraid to speak out because when other survivors have spoken out they are not only accused of lying, but are often risk ostracization from their communities, and even, in some cases, their families as well. The #Metoo movement, for me, brought this problem to light, and motivated me to speak out against devaluing people, especially abuse survivors, who have already been devalued enough.  We need to value everyone, but especially survivors of sexual harassment and abuse. It doesn’t matter what the person was wearing. No one deserves abusive or creepy behavior.  One may say that if I wore suggestive clothing that I am, in effect, “asking” to get sexually abused or exploited. Nothing could be further from the truth! If someone has a temptation to abuse me just because of what I’m wearing, they have issues of self-control. This person can choose not to look my way, if he or she, is really being tempted in that way. They can also get help for their issues, instead of blaming their target or acting on their impulses. As my pastor has said repeatedly (that serves for everyone, regardless of religious belief), “Our response is our responsibility.”

 

  1. Don’t excuse bad behavior. Ever! Speak out against this behavior.—I believe sexual harassment and abuse, especially of women, have gone unchecked and unchallenged by society for far too long. However, when several women in the movie industry spoke up against once-powerful movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, many people, including once-powerful and influential men from all walks of life, were being held to account for their allegedly inappropriate sexual behaviors. Also, men and women from all over the world, from all walks of life, bravely shared their stories of how they were sexually exploited and/or abused.  I believe the #Metoo movement has unified survivors and social justice advocates together to finally hold to account some of the perpetrators that held a powerful reign on the survivors and the values of society for far too long. Many times, I have heard people defending abusers just because they have familial or other strong ties. However, I don’t think this practice does anyone any favors.  For instance, if I found out that someone I loved abused their spouse, I would pull no punches with them, or defend or explain away their actions. My actions, by some, may seem traitorous, but in the long run, I would be helping them by influencing them to change their behavior. In  most churches that I have attended, there is a thing called “church discipline,” that progresses all the way to excommunication if a congregant or attender is not repentant (changes their bad behaviors) of their sinful actions. The purpose of church discipline is to bring repentant change to the congregant or attender, not to judge or shun them.  So, is what we can do for loved ones who engage in damaging or hurtful behavior to others, by not excusing or defending their wrong behavior.

 

  1. Don’t be afraid to be an “applecart upsetter.”– You can bring positive change by not always maintaining the “status quo.”- Most people are often like “ducks” following after the Leader Duck, and doing whatever the Leader says, without questioning or thinking about what they are really wanting from us. This is how many people function in regards to believing and acting upon the values society imposes on us.  When we really think about why we do what we do, and question some of the things that society values in order to bring about positive change, we can be an effective applecart upsetter.  For instance, the founder of the #Metoo Movement wanted to upset the applecart of the societal silencing of survivors of abuse, especially of women of color, by bringing to light this problem.  Also, when I am working, if the environment seems stressful and negative, I try to upset the applecart by working hard and trying to stay positive, even if everyone around me feels stressed and depressed.

 

 

  1. Humility needs to be more accepted as virtuous, rather than seen as weakness, in our society. –One thing that the #Metoo Movement has brought to light is the problem of arrogant entitlement in our society. In many societies, humility is seen as a weakness, an admission of guilt. However, this could not be further from the truth. From this false view of humility, I have found that this has resulted in many immature, arrogant people becoming powerful and having a further negative impact on society, so that even some of their most ordinary citizens get a narcissistic sense of entitlement in their own lives.  Think about what happened in Germany and the Roman Empire as a result of arrogant people coming to power.  Because Hitler was able to come to power, unchallenged by a significant part of society, he was able to order the genocide of over six million Jewish people, including women and children!  In contrast, one of the reasons why Jesus Christ of Nazereth was (and is) able to make such a difference in the world is because of His humility.  He died a criminal’s death, even though He had done nothing to deserve it.  Also, the reason my faith heroes, Rachel Joy Scott and Mother Teresa were able to make such an impact on the world around them was because they were able to humble themselves, and be associated with people no one wanted to be around, in order to make a positive difference in their lives, and others’ as well.  I have found and learned that the #Metoo movement wouldn’t even be necessary if more of the perpetrators just a.) learned to control themselves, and not think they were “better” than women  b) admitted their wrongdoings and really strived to treat others more respectfully and with more value.

These are some of the things that the #Metoo Movement has taught me.  First and foremost, we need to recognize and acknowledge the value of all people, especially survivors of abuse, because when we hold them dear we will learn much from them and be one step closer to peace and joy in this world. We also need to stop excusing bad behavior, even from loved ones and friends.  Also, we need to not be afraid to upset the status quo sometimes, because, sometimes, only then can positive things happen. Also, we need to uphold humility as more of a virtue, like patience is seen as, and not as a weakness or a vice. When we fight for justice, equality, and the general good of society, and model virtue, then change can be brought about. As Ghandi famously said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Power of Kind Words

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.– Leo Buscaglia

Source: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/leo_buscaglia_106299

Too many times people cut down, criticize, complain, and berate others. Thus, they destroy countless souls in the process.  They may think the recipient of their brutality “deserves” these hostile words, and these verbal abusers often get away with their crimes. There is not even a law against verbal abuse, the way there is against physical or sexual abuse. However, I think there should be.

Also, there is a lack of encouragement, complimenting, and genuine kindness in the general words society uses to speak to one another.  However, given the power of negative words, the same can be said of the power of positive words. Some people may think encouraging others won’t make a major impact on them, but we never know what other people are going through. We may not know how much it took for them to get out of bed today, or what pains and burdens they carry in their lives.

When we live to encourage others through our words, and live to love them, we not only show ourselves strong, but we show others that we are open to understanding and caring about them.  For instance, if you work, when was the last time that you thanked your boss for all the good that he or she did, instead of complaining about policies that don’t sit well with you?  When was the last time you spoke a words of encouragement to a helpful co-worker? If you go to school, when was the last time you sincerely and thoughtfully thanked a teacher that has made a positive impact in your life, instead of complaining about all the ones you don’t like? When was the last time you thanked your family for the good that they have done for you?  When was the last time you thanked the mail carrier or the maintenance person for doing a good job?

When we encourage others through our gratitude for them, this shows that we appreciate and value them. In a society that increasingly devalues people and things; we can upset the applecart, so to speak, by showing gratitude and encouraging the good in people.  Rachel Joy Scott called this, “Finding the light” in their souls.

When we encourage those who are hurting, they can more easily and quickly heal from their wounds, whether it would be emotional or physical.  When people’s souls are dying because of the effects of verbal abuse, we can revive them by countering the abusers’ verbal attacks with the truths of love. Tell these people, whose souls are on life support, that, first of all, the abuse was never their fault. Tell them that they are always beautiful and worthy of love—because they are. Tell and show them that they are truly loved and needed on this earth.  Provide specific examples of how these survivors can overcome and eradicate the world of lies that threaten to kill their souls, and also provide specific examples of how much value and love they still possess in this world, especially if they feel that value has been stripped from them.  For instance, I watched this video about how a young woman named Leah was abused by her wicked boyfriend and how she is now using her story to encourage others going through a similar thing.  I would say to Leah, that by her using her voice to tell her story, she is helping others going through something similar to not have to feel alone and that she is strong to be able to survive such degrading abuse. I would say that I see her beauty, inside and out, and that no matter what anyone else says, and thus she is a beautiful and amazing person, inside and out.

We can also encourage those we consider our enemies. For instance, for a long time, I did not get along with some people at work. However, one of my pastors, told me to pray blessings for them and to intentionally and sincerely try to be kind to them. I am not going to lie. It is so difficult the first time one does this, and it doesn’t always work the first time. This is what I call the “burning coals principle,” meaning that encouraging and being kind to our enemies makes them run out of ammunition against us, because who wants to be known for repaying evil for good?! So, I found that when I did this sincerely and intentionally, that the enemies either became my friends, or they at least softened considerably in their attitude and behavior towards me.

Never underestimate the power of a kind and encouraging word. Encouragement can brighten someone’s day, and can even, in some cases, save someone’s life.  Who can you encourage today? May you be able to create a spark in someone’s life through the words you say and the actions that back them up.

To My Co-Workers

EDIT: This is a kind of “pep-talk” to my co-workers.  I have been on the swing shift for 2 years, but now am moving to the morning shift. I do NOT have plans to leave my workplace at this time. However, I do miss working with my co-workers on the swing shift, and look forward to the people who I will see in the mornings. I want to stay at my current workplace for 1,000 years or more* (*=maybe not THAT long, but I do want to stay for awhile! 😉 )

To my co-workers,

It has been a pleasure and a joy to get to know each of you over the past two years or so.  We have been through a lot together.  To *Ted and *Tim (NOT their real names), I will miss working with you in the evenings.  You have been instrumental in making my experience here worth it.  To those of you who I will be working with in the mornings, I look forward to the many adventures that we will have together as we strive to serve our customers and do the best we can.

I care about each one of you, and I would like to help everyone be the best they can be, both at work and in life. Although we (me included) will fall from time to time, we persevere. Here is what I learned, from various sources that have helped me find joy and meaning in the daily grind:

I have seen a board where some of the managers were asked their slogan or their mantra which they strive to live by. If I were asked my mantra that I strive to live by it would be: Whatever you do, do it will all of your heart.  My faith hero, Rachel Joy Scott, also lived by a version of this slogan by caring for others and by working hard to achieve her goals. She also had been known to say, “I won’t be labeled as average.”

I, too, do not want to be labeled as average.  When I work on returns or straighten my area, I don’t want to do a half-hearted or “average” job. I want to do the best I possibly can. Our best can vary from person to person, but you will have a sense of satisfaction in your heart if you know you did your best. When I serve customers, I don’t want to just to serve them the way the “average” worker does, but I want to go above and beyond, not only so the customer will be satisfied, but also as an example for all of us to follow.

Also, if you have already done what you could, with all your heart, and people still aren’t satisfied with that, you shouldn’t worry.  Many years ago, I had a job where I tried to do the best I can, but it still wasn’t enough.  In fact, I got demoted because I wasn’t fast enough, and it was only my first day there.  However, they still had some regard because one of my supervisors at the time acknowledged that I worked hard.  Yes, it is discouraging when you do something with your whole heart and it still isn’t enough. However, most people will still respect a good work ethic, regardless.

Another precept that I strive to live by is to make caring about others a priority. Often, at any workplace, profits and our own interests are put ahead of others. However, being an applecart upsetter, I strive to make caring about others more of a priority in my life.  For example, when we see a fellow co-worker or a manager that seems visibly stressed or upset, rather than disregarding or agitating him or her even more, we should try to speak encouraging words into their upsetting situation and into their souls.  For instance, if a co-worker feels that they are not appreciated by certain people, we could encourage them by providing specific examples of how we value and care about them and the work they do.  If someone is short of money to get food for their lunch, we could be a blessing to them and provide them with the funds they need to be able to eat.  We should make caring about others a priority because doing so can not only increase morale and motivation to work well , especially after a stressful day, but can even, in some cases, save someone’s life!

Finally, leave your mark on this place. If you have to leave this place, do not leave without making a positive impact on those around you. Don’t be afraid to stand out in some positive way, even if it may be met with a lot of resistance or pressure.   Always be true to yourself and your values. Do not pretend to be someone who you are not, because you always will be found out in the end.  Create a legacy that you will be satisfied and proud of, not only at this job, but also in life.

Sincerely,

Patricia