What God Taught Me This Year

written 12/29/2023

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Even though this year was overall not as chaotic as some of the previous years, namely, 2020-2022, God was still actively working in and through my life. Through my life’s situations and circumstances, God has taught me some very significant things this year that I hope will help not only me, but also others, in their lives.

God has shown and taught me that I should be more grateful for what He has already given me. When I tend to have a complaint-laden thought life, God has allowed me to see others who have less than me or who lack even more in the very thing I am complaining about. For instance, about a week ago, I had battled dark, demonic thoughts that were telling me that no one really cared about me and that I was shameful for entertaining said thoughts. After that, I discovered some people who were really struggling this Christmas season because of an illness or an injury, and others who really found this season to be depressing and hopeless because of the lack of familial and any support at all during their life struggles. God also reminded me that I still have family and friends who still ask how I am even though some of them may live far away, and I don’t get to stay in contact with them as often as I would like.

God has also taught me (and is still teaching me) about contentment. I have to be honest here: I struggle with materialism a little more than the average Christian. When I feel bored and unfulfilled by life, I tend to carouse the stores and buy stuff. Thankfully, my spending hasn’t reached the point where I am in debt or can no longer afford to tithe in my local church. However, it still concerns me. God is teaching me that I should enjoy the things that He has already blessed me with and not take them either for granted or, to other extreme, become stingy and greedy with my possessions. God has also given me opportunities to bless others and share some of the things I have that would probably suit other people better than me.

God has also taught me to be content in my circumstances. I do not know how many times last year (and even part of this year) I had thought about quitting my job and looking elsewhere. I felt restless and discontent until about two or three months ago when I realized that God was closing every door to a different job and that He wanted me to stay at this job. Then, I realized that God had me in the right place already. After that, I felt more relaxed and confident than I did before, and also realized the job suited me better than some of my previous jobs.

With my circumstances, including where I work, God is continually teaching me to trust Him and His provision. I no longer need to worry about what do I do if this or that happened because God always has a way paved for me, and as Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (NIV).

Overall, this year has been a learning experience for me, as well as being able to (Praise God!) enjoy some of the fruit of His blessings. As I look into the New Year, I pray that I will continue to grow in my faith and trust of God, and that I will see God’s work ever more evident in my life and those around me.

Trusting God

In Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV),it says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” I do not have a problem with trusting God for my salvation, but where I (and probably many Christians) struggle is trusting Him in certain situations in our daily lives. So, at least in my life, God has put me in situations where I believe He is calling and teaching me to trust Him more.

One of the situations that He is calling for my trust is in provision. Ever since leaving my previous job, I have struggled with one and off again fears about losing my job and, thus, my income, either through termination or being laid off somehow. Also, recently, many people at my current job, including myself, have seen our hours decrease, and our pay as well. However, after learning that several people in my church may lose their job or already have, God is teaching me that even if I did not have a job, that He would still provide everything I need. He is teaching me that I need to be content and grateful for what I do have, and not rely on how secure my job is to quell my fears about provision, but to instead release those fears and trust Him wholeheartedly.

Another situation that He is calling for my trust is in providing justice to right the wrongs that have been committed against me and those I care about. As a neurodiverse person, I deeply feel the tension of injustice and the desire to “right wrongs.” Not retaliating or becoming bitter is a constant struggle for me. However, God is teaching me that I do not need to retaliate or become bitter at wrongs done to me. Instead, I can forgive and release my control over administrating justice to the situation, and trust that God can and will deal with my offenders justly and in His perfect timing. This is what I think it means when it says in Romans 12:19 (KJV), “to give place unto [God’s] wrath” It feels so peaceful to know that I do not have to carry the burden of bitterness or a desire for revenge, and still trust that God will administer His justice on my behalf.

God is also calling me to trust Him with the abilities He has given me. When I feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work and chaos at any job that I find myself working in, I can remember that God will always make a way to do the best I can. I am learning that when I fail to trust God with my abilities, that I always mess up, and my work is not the best it could or should be because not only is my focus off, but because I am operating in fear, instead of trust. I do not need to be afraid of failure because God always makes a way for not only regular mistakes, but also past sinful choices, to be redeemed if I trust Him.

I have found that when I start trusting God, He makes a way for trials to be able to be endured, talents to be able to be used to glorify Him, and sense of peace and a forgiving spirit towards offenders because I trust that God is able to “right my wrongs” in His perfect way and timing. As reiterated in Isaiah 26:3(KJV), “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

My Journey: What God Has Been Teaching Me Since My Hiatus

I’m ba-aack! Since last March, God has taught me so much, but I have only been able to comprehend some of what God has been trying to say to me for so long, only this past week or so!

Last March, I was in the midst of some challenging situations, both at work and in my personal life, which God has shown me His mercy and wisdom through these. Here are some of the lessons that God has been teaching me these past several months:

Lesson #1: On quitting or staying at a job: When you know, you know.–There was a period of time when I considered quitting my current job because of the instability that was happening at the time. There was also a time, at my previous job, where I considered quitting as well, for similar reasons and because of the stress levels there. The difference? When I had my previous job, God was trying to tell me to quit it (I did not listen to Him, much to my regret) through allowing my mental state to deteriorate, as I inched closer and closer to a flown blown anxiety-induced meltdown.

When I considered quitting my previous job, God closed doors for me in other potential jobs that I was looking for, as it was either not the right fit for me, or was too far to justify the distance to travel to work. Also, slowly but through many of my family and friends’ prayers, conditions at my current job began to stabilize and God helped me to appreciate the job that I have now. So, if God is telling you to quit your job, He will open doors for that to happen, and close the doors for staying at your current job. However, if, like me, He is telling you to stay, you may apply for different jobs in a variety of areas, but they will not be “right” for you, and if you pursue your desire for a different job anyway, you will most likely end up regretting not listening to the prompting of the Spirit for you to stay.

Lesson #2: Things are not always as they seem.—I had always considered being a personal shopper for a big store like Walmart or HEB, my dream retail job. I thought it would be fun and interactive. Several years ago, I had begged the store I was in at the time, to transfer from the department I was in at the time, to the personal shopping department. I never was accepted, and felt unfairly slighted for that. However, when I moved states, I was actually one for almost two years. At first, I felt very excited and motivated, but as things changed, I felt more and more stressed and to my breaking point.

Even though my current job, when I first was interviewed, seemed like a lot of work, it is actually more relaxing and manageable than my previous job as a personal shopper! I have talked to other associates who also were personal shoppers before, and now work with me in the same department. They agree that it is much more relaxed and slower-paced than doing e-commerce (personal shopping).

Lesson #3: The Right People Will Value You—When I am in a depressive episode, most of my thoughts stem from the fact that I do not feel valued by those around me. Part of the reason I have decided to stay at my current job, stems from the fact that I feel more valued than at my previous job. I have also realized that if one does not feel valued, they are not with the “right” people, so to speak. However, it does not make them any less valuable intrinsically. This also leads to another life lesson that God has taught me—Do not take to heart the opinions of people that do not care about you or your well-being and have them influence how you see yourself or others. Speak the truth about what GOD says about you over your heart. This is found in His Word (The Holy Bible). Some of the people in your life that truly care about and value you will often reiterate these same or similar truths about you, such as that you are chosen by Him and/or that God is doing a good work in you. They will also usually have a more accurate picture of who you are as a person.

There is much hope and optimism for my future, though there are some hurdles I must face along the way. I believe God is not only working through me by teaching me these things, but also those that read this today. Through these lessons, God is also healing the wounds that I endured in the past and helping me to appreciate His work in the present.

Reflections on Tuesday’s Tragic Shooting

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Imagine working your normal shift, and having a regularly scheduled meeting in the breakroom. Except there was nothing ordinary about it. One of your managers announces the start of the meeting. Then, your other manager comes up, seemingly out of nowhere, with a menacing blank stare on his face…and starts shooting at people—intending to murder them.

This is the trauma the overnight workers in Chesapeake endured Tuesday evening.

The saddest thing is that this tragedy could have been prevented, and the six lives that were cut short by the shooter could have been spared.

One thing that needs to happen in all workplaces, no matter what the company or how small or large the workforce, is zero tolerance for a toxic work environment. No, a toxic work environment is NO excuse for murder, but it can create lifelong trauma for those around it and is also bad for productivity and eventually the bottom line of a company. I have seen it firsthand. Symptoms of a toxic work environment that I have personally witnessed are pervasive gossiping, tension between colleagues, and an attitude of apathy about work performance and work related issues.

Upper management, including corporate officials, of a company need to create a culture where people are not terrified of or hesitant to bringing up concerns to them. For instance, my store director always tries to listen empathetically to our concerns and helps bring about a viable and helpful solution to them. I also think that there should be mandatory training for all workers on how to listen empathetically to others without interrupting, invalidating, or verbally assaulting them. Not only that, but time should be set aside regularly (i.e…at least every month) where people can voice their concerns about serious workplace issues to management without being interrupted or invalidated.

If these measures were put in place in Chesapeake, I believe the tensions there and the resulting tragedy could have been prevented. Again, I am not trying to place blame on anyone. I am just pointing out what could be done to promote a more positive work environment in all companies.

Another thing that I learned from this tragedy is that we should value everyone and not take loved ones for granted, because we never know when they may be taken away from us. We can do this by taking note of those co-workers and others around us who are hurting or broken, and give them extra grace instead of condemnation and judgment. Look for ways to minister to them and make them feel worthy. For instance, a coworker asked me if I was going to be OK when she found out I was spending this past Thanksgiving alone. If a coworker is fallen on hard financial times and cannot pay for their groceries, we should offer to help them out if we can. We should also find ways to compliment people on genuinely good work. If someone works hard to get things done efficiently and correctly, we should tell them we appreciate all they have done to do so.

Also, we should strive to forgive those who hurt us, so that a root of bitterness does not spring up and cause undue harm to us and others. If the shooter forgave those that he alleged hurt him emotionally, this tragedy would have never happened. Yes, maybe certain people do not “deserve” forgiveness, but how much do we deserve the forgiveness of God? That is why it cost God His Son, because we don’t deserve forgiveness at all.

Let us normalize quitting jobs that foster a toxic work environment, where stress levels are too high and tensions get the best of us to protect our mental and emotional health. And let us pray for the families of the victims of this shooting, and pray that tragedies like this will never happen again.

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Things to Remember When Stressed and Anxious

–written December 5, 2019

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I have struggled with depression and some anxiety since I was a little kid. When I was in school, I remember I would often worry about getting my assignments done on time and my grades on tests I would have to take.  Sometimes, it would be so bad that I would be waking up for a while thinking about these things as I lay in bed trying to sleep!  Even now, I still struggle a bit with anxiety and depression, though much less than before.  This post is as much as me talking to myself, as it is to my readers.  Unfortunately, I almost always learn or know these things after an anxiety or stressful episode happens. However, here is what we all need to remember when we are getting stressed and anxious:

In the words of Paul in Romans 8:28 (KJV): “All things work together for good to them who love God who are the called according to His purpose.”  In other words, God will work all the events of our lives, including the bad ones, for our ultimate good, usually to strengthen our character and/or grow us spiritually.  At least for me, when I get anxious and stressed, I am very tempted to think about the worst possible outcome happening for me, and that I would never be able to survive after that.  This leads sometimes to suicidal ideations. Thankfully, it rarely, if ever leads to suicidal attempts anymore, though it had several times in the past.  However, when I remember what it says in Romans 8:28, I will not lose hope as easily, and thus I will become less stressed.  I, then, will be able to recall some bad situations in my life that God has indeed already used for my good and for His glory!  For instance, at work, there were a couple of people that I always had butted heads with and never thought anything would get better in our relationship with them. However, what ended up happening was that God used them in my life to grow my character and teach me to reconcile with and forgive them.  God also made me realize some things that I did to hurt those people that I had not gotten along with in the past, and repent of those things.

Along with remembering that God will always use the events of my life for my good and His glory, I need to remember that God is sovereign over all things. When I am stressed or anxious, at least for me, I fear losing control of the event at hand. I fear that I will not be able to handle the situation well and that things will never be able to be redeemed in my life after that.  I fear failing the people I love, and even more, failing as a witness and a disciple of Christ.  However, when I remember that God is sovereign over all things, I don’t have to fear losing control, since I can acknowledge that I was never in control in the first place. He will put events into my life according to His will. For instance, when I have to deal with a difficult associate or customer at work, if I acknowledge that God sent them in my life and that something good can come out of the situation, I will be much calmer and less apt to get frustrated or anxious in that situation with that person.

Finally, I should remember when I am coming into a stressful situation, to trust that God will give me everything I need to deal with the situation at hand and to use what He gives me in order that I may be able to react positively and not get upset and anxious. The verse that comes to mind that speaks of God’s provision for us is Philippians 4:19 (KJV), which says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” For instance, when finances are tight, and God still expects me to tithe at church, I don’t have to skimp on tithing or worry that I will not have enough for what my family and I need, because I can trust that God will provide someway somehow when I am faithful to Him.  Another example of God giving me everything I needed is  he time when I forgot to bring fruit for home to have for my snack, and God moved in one of my coworkers to give me a Taffy apple.  Thus, I was able to eat that apple, and did not have to go out and buy one from work.

If we remembered that God will use all situations we encounter in our lives for our good and His glory, that God is in control of all things, and that He will always supply everything that we need to make it through life, we would never have to worry or be stressed. So, my prayer to each reader, including me, is that we would remember these things and have much joy and peace this month.

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From Cursed to Blessed: God’s Renewal and Restoration

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Someone I know wrote the following words “I feel cursed.” I can certainly relate to how they feel, as I have been rejected, tossed aside, ignored, and my feelings trivialized by many in society in general. More than once, I felt hopeless and in despair about my life. Worst of all, I felt utterly alone and stuck in the rut that I made. I thought this was the end of my life story and that I would be cursed to a life of utter helplessness and despair forever.

Thankfully, God intervened…more than once. God brought people into my life who saw the value He did in me. However, they did not come overnight, but through my circumstances, the Lord would not let me give up on myself or on the life He gave to me. One such person I will refer to as J. J was my mentor. She believed that I could go far in life and even get a full time job working with many people, even when many around me doubted that I could handle such a job, due to my autism. It took six months for me to even believe that what she was trying to do would help, but finally I relented. A few years later, I got a full time job in retail that involves dealing with many customers. I am still in retail today.

Another such person is my now-former manager Elizabeth.* I had a dream that I wanted to learn to cashier, and she supported me even when many of the other managers and a so-called friend did not. Finally, after several months of training, I became a substitute cashier, and a few weeks after that, a customer was already commenting how fast I was checking her out, to her delight!

God also taught me that I don’t have to “fit in” to my peer group or in society to be truly loved, and that only what He thinks of me truly will matter in the eternal perspective of things. When I remember this, I feel more confident in who God has created me to be and less afraid to reveal my quirks and my dreams to others, even at the risk of ridicule and dismissal of them by others.

If you have ever felt cursed by society or by your life, you are not alone. Whatever pain you may be facing right now due to your abilities and gifts not being taken seriously or if you feel you created a rut in your life and you don’t know how to get out of it, please do not give up. I almost did—more than once, but thankfully, God intervened each time. Things can and do get better. God continually renews and restores people. Will you trust Him to do so?

For me, seeing that I am not a cursed person that repels others has taken many, many years and I am still recovering from the pain of rejection and ridicule in my life, but God has opened my eyes to see that I am blessed and that He is continuing to restore and renew me to conform to His image.

It’s Time

–Reflections on life and the aftermath of the Uvalde tragedy

by: Patricia A. Go written: May 25, 2022

I can see the world around me sinking. Two years ago, COVID-19 was born, which crippled operations of the entire world. Many millions of people perished from the virus; many more got sick. There is the ongoing war in Ukraine, where many people are being slaughtered and are suffering because of the anger and hatred around them. Inflation here in the States has been at 40-year high, making everything from gasoline to our daily bread becoming more expensive than ever. Then, just yesterday, an 18-year old gunman opened fire in Uvalde, Texas, shooting 19 people, including his own grandmother and several elementary school students, for who knows what reason.

I was not made aware of the Uvalde tragedy until I came home from work last night. What I feel now is numbness, shock and disbelief. How can this tragedy keep on happening? How long will it be until something changes? Yes, I agree with people who say we need to change governmental policies, especially with certain people having access to guns that shouldn’t. However, even if we change policies and enact stricter laws, I am convinced that evil will continue to rear its ugly head in other, but equally tragic ways.

I sense God saying to us as a society: It’s time.

It’s time to stop chasing after the temporal in life like money, material possessions and notoriety or fame.

It’s time to hold our loved ones close, treasure the time that God has given us, and look to the things of eternity that will never fade, be stolen, or rot away.

It’s time to teach children how to love and be loved in the most biblical, selfless way possible.

It’s time to seek God’s will and ways.

It’s time to care for those who are on the brink of suicide or desperation. Engage with them. Encourage them and be there for all those who are suffering. Don’t add stigma by giving moral labels to people’s feelings and thoughts in self-righteous condemnation or judgment.

It’s time not just to enact change in governmental policy, but also bring hope and show Christlike love to those around us, which will enable the Spirit to change hearts, which will initiate a true, lasting change in behavior and temperament.

It’s time for us to forgive our enemies, and to make peace with all those around us.

It’s time to not live in fear but to live with a sense of urgency, joy and fulfillment.

Time continues to tick, and we do not know how much of it we have left. I believe God is urging us to wake up. WAKE UP! God is telling me—telling us— to not be complacent with life and to make as much positive difference as we can.

Wake up and live each day as if it were your last, because one day it will be. Either you will regret how you lived your life for eternity or it can be a day of rejoicing and fulfillment of your God-given purpose!

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God Saved My Life

by Patricia A. Go

–written March 20 and 22, 2022

Despite it being a sunny and pleasant day, weather-wise, I had no motivation left to do anything. I felt ashamed, useless, angry, and powerless. Much of who I identified with was tied to my job. I was one of the top performers there, and since my job and seemingly everything that went with it was taken away from me, I was devastated. Most of my friends were tied up either at work or being swept through with the daily stressors of their lives. Besides, I no longer wanted to add burdens to them by relating *my* stresses.

I planned to take the books, magazines and DVDs my parents and I had borrowed and return them to the library, and then go to my church as a last ditch effort to get the emotional care I so desperately needed at the time. It was around three-thirty in the afternoon. I did not think anyone was in there, since most of the staff I thought already went home during this time.

I thought to myself that if that didn’t work, then I was going to have to find some way to end it all. I did not really have any specific exit plan, but I knew if I didn’t get help, this Monster inside me was going to take over and destroy me forever.

I tried to open the front door, that led to the church sanctuary, where services were held. Of course, that was locked, since there was no service at that time of day. However, I saw several cars parked in front of the church office.

“Good,” I thought to myself. ” Maybe someone is there.”

I tried to open the door to the church office. It was unlocked. I walked quickly to the church foyer where people usually ate and congregated before services. I saw a man. Immediately, I felt a heavy spirit pressing upon me, as I wept from utter relief and overwhelm.

“I need to talk to a pastor.” I told him, in desperation. Then, the man quickly notified a couple of my pastors that I was there and needed support.

After that, the assistant pastor Ted* and the youth director, A.J came out. They immediately sensed something was wrong with me. All the overwhelming feelings and past experiences that were attached to my depression, spilled in words of desperation out of my mouth. I had expected to be condemned or ridiculed, or just brushed aside. Ted and A. J did neither of those. Instead, they listened patiently and encouraged me, as I dealt with my feelings of shame, anger and hurt that I tried to bury for many months before. A.J invited me to volunteer at church the next day to clean and organize some things in it, and he prayed for my healing and strength to get through this tough time. The teens in the church were also planning to volunteer. I felt a sense of relief and hope that I was finally heard and that I was not rejected by them. I knew God had brought them there at that time to save my life!

The next day, I went to volunteer at church. I almost felt like I was working again. I was energized and felt better about myself and the world around me. What I did not know, is that God would be working again through the speaker in the evening service, later that day.

It was around 5:45 in the evening, and the wind was fairly strong, but not overly so. I was sitting outside on the church steps leading to the sanctuary waiting for the church to be opened, so I could go inside and eat my dinner, which I had stored in the church’s refrigerator.

Then, suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see a car pull up by the church office. “Good!” I thought. ” Maybe that’s A. J and he will be able to open the door for me.”

It turned out to be the missionary, Tim Bundy, who was going to be a guest speaker at the church that evening! I told him that my name was Patricia and that I was a member of the church.

Then, later the children’s ministry director, Sara, * opened the door for me and I was able to eat my dinner.

I was still feeling a little depressed and lonely as I waited for service to start. However, I was still a lot better than I was the previous afternoon before I went to the church.

Bundy talked about how God had led him into the ministry and how he had found his wife. However, it was when he turned to the message that I really felt God speaking to me through him that would change my mindset for the better.

He talked about how God can use anyone, even those who have disabilities or problems to accomplish His will in their lives.

He says, “There is nothing we can offer God, but the willingness to be used of Him. [God says], ‘I have called each and every one of you to be used of Me equally. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have riches, or strength, or popularity, or fame or influence; you have Me, and as I lead you, that is all you will ever need.”

Bundy also talked about the extent of God’s love, and how God does not love us less based on what we do or experience in our life. Furthermore, he talked about how God loves all kinds of people, even the drug addict or the difficult boss or family member who does not want to hear about Him, that we should look at them with the boundless grace and mercy God looked at us even before we were conceived.

I felt God speaking to me, right then, saying, “You can forgive the people that hurt you at your former job and in your past. You don’t have to be angry and bitter at them anymore. You can let them go now. You can let Me take care of them for you. You don’t have to get even. You just show them the love and grace that I showed you.”

God also said, “I still can use you even though you don’t have a job now. You still can be used of Me if you are willing to trust me that I have the best possible plan for you. You are not useless, powerless or shameful. You are Mine, and you can draw upon My strength to persevere throughout your life.”

God saved me from making a mistake that could have taken my life prematurely, through the support and care of my pastors, the message that He spoke through Tim Bundy, and the determination and joy that Tim and Jennifer have for ministering and soul winning for the people of Ethiopia. I still struggle at times, but knowing that God is on my side and will help me persevere gives me peace and strength to not give up on what God has for my life.

If you would like to support Timothy and Jennifer Bundy’s ministry, please see this link . Like me, they are trusting God to use them mightily.

*= These names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals mentioned.

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Live Life Unafraid

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Fear, in my life, has been like the tangled web of lies and entrapment that suffocated me, and constantly sucked joy out of my life. Fear led to my depression, and subsequently an eating disorder which I struggled from my tween years into my early teens. Fear led me to continue in toxic friendships and other relationships in fear of what would happen if I ended them. Fear prevented me from really experiencing some of the blessings that God had for me. However, in the past couple years, God has untied the knots of fear in my life and has led me out into a place of joy and freedom that I haven’t felt since I was a little girl!

Since I was a little girl, I have striven to perform well, whether it be in school or in work. However, I believe the devil used this trait to develop in me the attitude of perfectionism, which led to one of my biggest fears—fear of failure. Whether it be from my parents, society, teachers, bosses, or my peers, when I failed, I could see, in their eyes, their disappointment and sometimes anger at my failure. I felt so invalidated and discouraged during those times, that I subconsciously told myself that I would try never to fail in front of them. That, however, proved impossible.

A couple years ago, the fear of failure and not performing up to my “normal” performance rate (which was already above what management wanted) led to a mental breakdown, which led me to take a leave of absence from work. After I came back to work, I knew I had to face my fear of failing to perform at my “normal” standards head on if I were to prevent future problems at my job.

A couple weeks ago, a new procedure was put into place which confronted my fear of not performing to my normal rate/speed head on. Since the new procedure was put into place, I was no longer in complete control of how fast I could pick the items for the customer. I also learned a couple days ago, that even with the new procedures at work, there were other aspects of my performance (We call them “metrics.”) where I may not be able to be in complete control over the results, because of issues related to the worldwide supply chain disruption or with vendors, drivers, or other people in which I cannot control. With the realization that I did not have to (and could not) control every aspect of my performance, I am now just resolved to do the best I can and now have some semblance of peace in how I perform.

Another way that God has taught me to live life unafraid is by working on me to help me combat my fear of what others think of me. My fear of man had led me to think of how God created me as deficient and inferior, which led to a very unhealthy obsession with restrictive eating. This fear of what others thought of me also led me to continue in some toxic and abusive friendships that reinforced my low self-worth. When God opened my eyes to the lies and the abuse that I had acquiesced to, I was finally able to break much of the ties that I had with the toxicity that enslaved me and almost destroyed me. I realized that I did not need to be friends with people that constantly put me down and bullied me. I did not need to change my personality or appearance for fear that people would not accept the Real me. I could be my unique, neurodivergent, joyful self and who God created me to be, and if people don’t like who I am, at least I know that I am developing into who God wants me to be, and He will always love and cherish me, even if no one else ever does. Thankfully though, God has led me to people that do like the Real me, just the way I am.

In all these situations, God has shown me that if I trust Him to provide for my every need and not worry so much about what would happen if I lacked something I think I “need,” I am able to free myself from the grip of fear and live life unafraid.

Lessons God Has Taught Me: A Year in Review

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This year has been an adventure for me, in both good and bad ways, but God has still been working in the midst of it all. While God has worked, He has also taught me so much about how to live life in the midst of the chaos that is this world. Here are some of the things God taught me this year:

1) Be grateful for what you have.–In mid-February of this year, much of the city where I lived in, including my family, experienced either a water or electricity (or both) outage for days on end. Before this past winter, I took water and electricity for granted. I did not think about the precious commodity that water and electricity are. I was extremely grateful that during that time, our electricity still worked. However, we did not have running water for about 5 days. Thankfully, God provided snow for us to be able to boil so that we had water to at least flush the toilets.

2) Be compassionate and patient with others.– God showed me the pain and suffering some of the people around me are facing this year, either by the person relating their pain to me or through another person relating that someone they know was going through a tragedy, illness, or emotional distress. Through this, God taught me to be more compassionate to what others may be going through and not get easily angered or upset when people inconvenience me or are rude to me. God also taught me through this that when people snap at me for no good reason, sometimes their anger is not really about me, but about what they are going through at the moment. I don’t need to take it personally, or that they are spiteful.

3) Don’t be so anxious.–God has really been working to help me become less anxious. He allowed me to experience a drop in my performance to test my reaction to it. In the past, when my performance dropped below my expectations (note: NOT my managers’ expectations) or a certain number, I got really worked up and had an upset anxiety to my demeanor. Now when that happens, I may get slightly annoyed, but I do not really think too much about it anymore other than to try better next time. I also learned to anticipate these and other anxiety-provoking situations better, and plan what to do in case an anxiety trigger happens next time, so I don’t completely freak out.

Overall, I think this has been a good year for me, despite still being in a pandemic. I not only learned to be more grateful, to be more compassionate and more patient (but still learning continuously), and to be less anxious, but I also found some places where I could belong and to impact the world for the better.

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