What God Taught Me This Year

written 12/29/2023

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Even though this year was overall not as chaotic as some of the previous years, namely, 2020-2022, God was still actively working in and through my life. Through my life’s situations and circumstances, God has taught me some very significant things this year that I hope will help not only me, but also others, in their lives.

God has shown and taught me that I should be more grateful for what He has already given me. When I tend to have a complaint-laden thought life, God has allowed me to see others who have less than me or who lack even more in the very thing I am complaining about. For instance, about a week ago, I had battled dark, demonic thoughts that were telling me that no one really cared about me and that I was shameful for entertaining said thoughts. After that, I discovered some people who were really struggling this Christmas season because of an illness or an injury, and others who really found this season to be depressing and hopeless because of the lack of familial and any support at all during their life struggles. God also reminded me that I still have family and friends who still ask how I am even though some of them may live far away, and I don’t get to stay in contact with them as often as I would like.

God has also taught me (and is still teaching me) about contentment. I have to be honest here: I struggle with materialism a little more than the average Christian. When I feel bored and unfulfilled by life, I tend to carouse the stores and buy stuff. Thankfully, my spending hasn’t reached the point where I am in debt or can no longer afford to tithe in my local church. However, it still concerns me. God is teaching me that I should enjoy the things that He has already blessed me with and not take them either for granted or, to other extreme, become stingy and greedy with my possessions. God has also given me opportunities to bless others and share some of the things I have that would probably suit other people better than me.

God has also taught me to be content in my circumstances. I do not know how many times last year (and even part of this year) I had thought about quitting my job and looking elsewhere. I felt restless and discontent until about two or three months ago when I realized that God was closing every door to a different job and that He wanted me to stay at this job. Then, I realized that God had me in the right place already. After that, I felt more relaxed and confident than I did before, and also realized the job suited me better than some of my previous jobs.

With my circumstances, including where I work, God is continually teaching me to trust Him and His provision. I no longer need to worry about what do I do if this or that happened because God always has a way paved for me, and as Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (NIV).

Overall, this year has been a learning experience for me, as well as being able to (Praise God!) enjoy some of the fruit of His blessings. As I look into the New Year, I pray that I will continue to grow in my faith and trust of God, and that I will see God’s work ever more evident in my life and those around me.

Trusting God

In Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV),it says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” I do not have a problem with trusting God for my salvation, but where I (and probably many Christians) struggle is trusting Him in certain situations in our daily lives. So, at least in my life, God has put me in situations where I believe He is calling and teaching me to trust Him more.

One of the situations that He is calling for my trust is in provision. Ever since leaving my previous job, I have struggled with one and off again fears about losing my job and, thus, my income, either through termination or being laid off somehow. Also, recently, many people at my current job, including myself, have seen our hours decrease, and our pay as well. However, after learning that several people in my church may lose their job or already have, God is teaching me that even if I did not have a job, that He would still provide everything I need. He is teaching me that I need to be content and grateful for what I do have, and not rely on how secure my job is to quell my fears about provision, but to instead release those fears and trust Him wholeheartedly.

Another situation that He is calling for my trust is in providing justice to right the wrongs that have been committed against me and those I care about. As a neurodiverse person, I deeply feel the tension of injustice and the desire to “right wrongs.” Not retaliating or becoming bitter is a constant struggle for me. However, God is teaching me that I do not need to retaliate or become bitter at wrongs done to me. Instead, I can forgive and release my control over administrating justice to the situation, and trust that God can and will deal with my offenders justly and in His perfect timing. This is what I think it means when it says in Romans 12:19 (KJV), “to give place unto [God’s] wrath” It feels so peaceful to know that I do not have to carry the burden of bitterness or a desire for revenge, and still trust that God will administer His justice on my behalf.

God is also calling me to trust Him with the abilities He has given me. When I feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work and chaos at any job that I find myself working in, I can remember that God will always make a way to do the best I can. I am learning that when I fail to trust God with my abilities, that I always mess up, and my work is not the best it could or should be because not only is my focus off, but because I am operating in fear, instead of trust. I do not need to be afraid of failure because God always makes a way for not only regular mistakes, but also past sinful choices, to be redeemed if I trust Him.

I have found that when I start trusting God, He makes a way for trials to be able to be endured, talents to be able to be used to glorify Him, and sense of peace and a forgiving spirit towards offenders because I trust that God is able to “right my wrongs” in His perfect way and timing. As reiterated in Isaiah 26:3(KJV), “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

My Journey: What God Has Been Teaching Me Since My Hiatus

I’m ba-aack! Since last March, God has taught me so much, but I have only been able to comprehend some of what God has been trying to say to me for so long, only this past week or so!

Last March, I was in the midst of some challenging situations, both at work and in my personal life, which God has shown me His mercy and wisdom through these. Here are some of the lessons that God has been teaching me these past several months:

Lesson #1: On quitting or staying at a job: When you know, you know.–There was a period of time when I considered quitting my current job because of the instability that was happening at the time. There was also a time, at my previous job, where I considered quitting as well, for similar reasons and because of the stress levels there. The difference? When I had my previous job, God was trying to tell me to quit it (I did not listen to Him, much to my regret) through allowing my mental state to deteriorate, as I inched closer and closer to a flown blown anxiety-induced meltdown.

When I considered quitting my previous job, God closed doors for me in other potential jobs that I was looking for, as it was either not the right fit for me, or was too far to justify the distance to travel to work. Also, slowly but through many of my family and friends’ prayers, conditions at my current job began to stabilize and God helped me to appreciate the job that I have now. So, if God is telling you to quit your job, He will open doors for that to happen, and close the doors for staying at your current job. However, if, like me, He is telling you to stay, you may apply for different jobs in a variety of areas, but they will not be “right” for you, and if you pursue your desire for a different job anyway, you will most likely end up regretting not listening to the prompting of the Spirit for you to stay.

Lesson #2: Things are not always as they seem.—I had always considered being a personal shopper for a big store like Walmart or HEB, my dream retail job. I thought it would be fun and interactive. Several years ago, I had begged the store I was in at the time, to transfer from the department I was in at the time, to the personal shopping department. I never was accepted, and felt unfairly slighted for that. However, when I moved states, I was actually one for almost two years. At first, I felt very excited and motivated, but as things changed, I felt more and more stressed and to my breaking point.

Even though my current job, when I first was interviewed, seemed like a lot of work, it is actually more relaxing and manageable than my previous job as a personal shopper! I have talked to other associates who also were personal shoppers before, and now work with me in the same department. They agree that it is much more relaxed and slower-paced than doing e-commerce (personal shopping).

Lesson #3: The Right People Will Value You—When I am in a depressive episode, most of my thoughts stem from the fact that I do not feel valued by those around me. Part of the reason I have decided to stay at my current job, stems from the fact that I feel more valued than at my previous job. I have also realized that if one does not feel valued, they are not with the “right” people, so to speak. However, it does not make them any less valuable intrinsically. This also leads to another life lesson that God has taught me—Do not take to heart the opinions of people that do not care about you or your well-being and have them influence how you see yourself or others. Speak the truth about what GOD says about you over your heart. This is found in His Word (The Holy Bible). Some of the people in your life that truly care about and value you will often reiterate these same or similar truths about you, such as that you are chosen by Him and/or that God is doing a good work in you. They will also usually have a more accurate picture of who you are as a person.

There is much hope and optimism for my future, though there are some hurdles I must face along the way. I believe God is not only working through me by teaching me these things, but also those that read this today. Through these lessons, God is also healing the wounds that I endured in the past and helping me to appreciate His work in the present.

Legacy

written: 2/27/2023

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We are getting closer to the end—whether it is of life or of this world as we know it, I don’t know. I just feel it in my bones. It is not just because I recently celebrated another birthday. Or that death has hit some of those around me—hard. Or that there are more tornadoes and earthquakes in densely populated regions of this world. Or that inflation is still a looming problem that began about two years ago.

More recently than, let’s say five years ago, God has sparked in me more of an urgency at various times of my life to not only live with eternity in mind, but also to live a legacy that He would want me to leave.

Through both the events of my life and of this world, I see a desperation in people for joy, hope, love and purpose in their lives. When these people experience the death of a loved one, they may ask themselves why they should go on living and what legacy of that loved one do they want to continue to carry—or not. When these peoples’ lives are broken or shattered, they wonder how they can ever pick up the pieces and flourish again. If they only knew the love, joy, hope, peace and purpose Christ offers them!

I want people to know the love that I am convinced Jesus has for them. No, this Love does not just love them when it is convenient or easy, but also when it is most difficult or trying. There have been plenty of times in my life where I felt like giving up not only on Jesus, but more so myself. If it were not for the love of Christ permeating from godly people to me, I don’t know where I’d be today, but probably not in a very good place. This love affirmed me, restored me, included me, persevered with me when was on my last rope.

I want people to know to be able to let go. Let go of bitterness and resentment. Let go of past failures and past rejections limiting oneself from embarking on new adventures or trusting someone that can and should be trusted. Let go of the junk that weighs them down, whether it be material or immaterial.

How can we know what should be let go? Well, I have learned, using an eternal lens, that if the baggage we are carrying will not matter in eternity, then we shouldn’t obsesses over it like it does. Also, the baggage we are carrying hinders us from living the legacy God wants us to live, we need to give it over to Him and/or let Him carry it for us. We are not meant to carry overbearing burdens alone. We are meant, however, to carry our daily, lighter burdens (ie taking up one’s cross).

I also want people to know to be prepared for the days ahead. If you are a believer in Christ, this means we are urged to minister to and share the gospel with others and live a life that will glorify our Lord and Savior, as we wait expectantly for His return. For everyone, I want people to be prepared for turbulent and troubled days ahead, while still living with purpose and love for others. How do we do that? We think about how we want to be remembered by future generations and those that we care about after we pass away, and with passion and purpose resolve to leave a lasting and positive legacy by the way we live our lives today.

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Hope In The Last Days

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Here in the States, inflation is the highest it has been in forty years.

There have been multiple school shootings just this past year.

There have been increasing wars and famines around the world in general.

Work has been increasingly demanding and stressful for almost everyone that I know that has a job.

Violence against police, teachers and other authority figures seems to be increasingly more common and brutal.

I am convinced that we are in the Last Days.

Everything that is happening right now, especially all these troubles and trials, was predicted in the Word of God—the Bible. (see Matthew 24:6-8, 12)

But today I realized despite the fact that society seems to be falling apart at the seams…there is hope.

I see hope in a dog’s eyes that are always eager to see me when I come home from work.

I see hope when my co-workers and I are still willing to work together despite the pressures that come with our jobs.

I see hope when my Store Manager is still willing to listen to my coworkers and I with compassion and understanding and helps me see that there is hope even in difficult situations.

I see hope when even though my circumstances may not change, I can still see God working through them.

I see hope when a church honors and appreciates the difficult and arduous jobs of police officers and firefighters.

I see hope when people in need are still willing to give to others sacrificially, even though they may not have ample resources.

Yes, despite the troubling times we live in now, there is hope in the Last Days.

So, when everything in your life, or those of your loved ones, seems to be falling apart, remember to look around and up. I hope that you will see glimmers of hope all around you as I did today.

Oh, and the greatest hope I see? Jesus is coming back soon, and then He will make everything the way it should be in the end!

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Reflections on Tuesday’s Tragic Shooting

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Imagine working your normal shift, and having a regularly scheduled meeting in the breakroom. Except there was nothing ordinary about it. One of your managers announces the start of the meeting. Then, your other manager comes up, seemingly out of nowhere, with a menacing blank stare on his face…and starts shooting at people—intending to murder them.

This is the trauma the overnight workers in Chesapeake endured Tuesday evening.

The saddest thing is that this tragedy could have been prevented, and the six lives that were cut short by the shooter could have been spared.

One thing that needs to happen in all workplaces, no matter what the company or how small or large the workforce, is zero tolerance for a toxic work environment. No, a toxic work environment is NO excuse for murder, but it can create lifelong trauma for those around it and is also bad for productivity and eventually the bottom line of a company. I have seen it firsthand. Symptoms of a toxic work environment that I have personally witnessed are pervasive gossiping, tension between colleagues, and an attitude of apathy about work performance and work related issues.

Upper management, including corporate officials, of a company need to create a culture where people are not terrified of or hesitant to bringing up concerns to them. For instance, my store director always tries to listen empathetically to our concerns and helps bring about a viable and helpful solution to them. I also think that there should be mandatory training for all workers on how to listen empathetically to others without interrupting, invalidating, or verbally assaulting them. Not only that, but time should be set aside regularly (i.e…at least every month) where people can voice their concerns about serious workplace issues to management without being interrupted or invalidated.

If these measures were put in place in Chesapeake, I believe the tensions there and the resulting tragedy could have been prevented. Again, I am not trying to place blame on anyone. I am just pointing out what could be done to promote a more positive work environment in all companies.

Another thing that I learned from this tragedy is that we should value everyone and not take loved ones for granted, because we never know when they may be taken away from us. We can do this by taking note of those co-workers and others around us who are hurting or broken, and give them extra grace instead of condemnation and judgment. Look for ways to minister to them and make them feel worthy. For instance, a coworker asked me if I was going to be OK when she found out I was spending this past Thanksgiving alone. If a coworker is fallen on hard financial times and cannot pay for their groceries, we should offer to help them out if we can. We should also find ways to compliment people on genuinely good work. If someone works hard to get things done efficiently and correctly, we should tell them we appreciate all they have done to do so.

Also, we should strive to forgive those who hurt us, so that a root of bitterness does not spring up and cause undue harm to us and others. If the shooter forgave those that he alleged hurt him emotionally, this tragedy would have never happened. Yes, maybe certain people do not “deserve” forgiveness, but how much do we deserve the forgiveness of God? That is why it cost God His Son, because we don’t deserve forgiveness at all.

Let us normalize quitting jobs that foster a toxic work environment, where stress levels are too high and tensions get the best of us to protect our mental and emotional health. And let us pray for the families of the victims of this shooting, and pray that tragedies like this will never happen again.

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Things to Remember When Stressed and Anxious

–written December 5, 2019

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I have struggled with depression and some anxiety since I was a little kid. When I was in school, I remember I would often worry about getting my assignments done on time and my grades on tests I would have to take.  Sometimes, it would be so bad that I would be waking up for a while thinking about these things as I lay in bed trying to sleep!  Even now, I still struggle a bit with anxiety and depression, though much less than before.  This post is as much as me talking to myself, as it is to my readers.  Unfortunately, I almost always learn or know these things after an anxiety or stressful episode happens. However, here is what we all need to remember when we are getting stressed and anxious:

In the words of Paul in Romans 8:28 (KJV): “All things work together for good to them who love God who are the called according to His purpose.”  In other words, God will work all the events of our lives, including the bad ones, for our ultimate good, usually to strengthen our character and/or grow us spiritually.  At least for me, when I get anxious and stressed, I am very tempted to think about the worst possible outcome happening for me, and that I would never be able to survive after that.  This leads sometimes to suicidal ideations. Thankfully, it rarely, if ever leads to suicidal attempts anymore, though it had several times in the past.  However, when I remember what it says in Romans 8:28, I will not lose hope as easily, and thus I will become less stressed.  I, then, will be able to recall some bad situations in my life that God has indeed already used for my good and for His glory!  For instance, at work, there were a couple of people that I always had butted heads with and never thought anything would get better in our relationship with them. However, what ended up happening was that God used them in my life to grow my character and teach me to reconcile with and forgive them.  God also made me realize some things that I did to hurt those people that I had not gotten along with in the past, and repent of those things.

Along with remembering that God will always use the events of my life for my good and His glory, I need to remember that God is sovereign over all things. When I am stressed or anxious, at least for me, I fear losing control of the event at hand. I fear that I will not be able to handle the situation well and that things will never be able to be redeemed in my life after that.  I fear failing the people I love, and even more, failing as a witness and a disciple of Christ.  However, when I remember that God is sovereign over all things, I don’t have to fear losing control, since I can acknowledge that I was never in control in the first place. He will put events into my life according to His will. For instance, when I have to deal with a difficult associate or customer at work, if I acknowledge that God sent them in my life and that something good can come out of the situation, I will be much calmer and less apt to get frustrated or anxious in that situation with that person.

Finally, I should remember when I am coming into a stressful situation, to trust that God will give me everything I need to deal with the situation at hand and to use what He gives me in order that I may be able to react positively and not get upset and anxious. The verse that comes to mind that speaks of God’s provision for us is Philippians 4:19 (KJV), which says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” For instance, when finances are tight, and God still expects me to tithe at church, I don’t have to skimp on tithing or worry that I will not have enough for what my family and I need, because I can trust that God will provide someway somehow when I am faithful to Him.  Another example of God giving me everything I needed is  he time when I forgot to bring fruit for home to have for my snack, and God moved in one of my coworkers to give me a Taffy apple.  Thus, I was able to eat that apple, and did not have to go out and buy one from work.

If we remembered that God will use all situations we encounter in our lives for our good and His glory, that God is in control of all things, and that He will always supply everything that we need to make it through life, we would never have to worry or be stressed. So, my prayer to each reader, including me, is that we would remember these things and have much joy and peace this month.

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From Cursed to Blessed: God’s Renewal and Restoration

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Someone I know wrote the following words “I feel cursed.” I can certainly relate to how they feel, as I have been rejected, tossed aside, ignored, and my feelings trivialized by many in society in general. More than once, I felt hopeless and in despair about my life. Worst of all, I felt utterly alone and stuck in the rut that I made. I thought this was the end of my life story and that I would be cursed to a life of utter helplessness and despair forever.

Thankfully, God intervened…more than once. God brought people into my life who saw the value He did in me. However, they did not come overnight, but through my circumstances, the Lord would not let me give up on myself or on the life He gave to me. One such person I will refer to as J. J was my mentor. She believed that I could go far in life and even get a full time job working with many people, even when many around me doubted that I could handle such a job, due to my autism. It took six months for me to even believe that what she was trying to do would help, but finally I relented. A few years later, I got a full time job in retail that involves dealing with many customers. I am still in retail today.

Another such person is my now-former manager Elizabeth.* I had a dream that I wanted to learn to cashier, and she supported me even when many of the other managers and a so-called friend did not. Finally, after several months of training, I became a substitute cashier, and a few weeks after that, a customer was already commenting how fast I was checking her out, to her delight!

God also taught me that I don’t have to “fit in” to my peer group or in society to be truly loved, and that only what He thinks of me truly will matter in the eternal perspective of things. When I remember this, I feel more confident in who God has created me to be and less afraid to reveal my quirks and my dreams to others, even at the risk of ridicule and dismissal of them by others.

If you have ever felt cursed by society or by your life, you are not alone. Whatever pain you may be facing right now due to your abilities and gifts not being taken seriously or if you feel you created a rut in your life and you don’t know how to get out of it, please do not give up. I almost did—more than once, but thankfully, God intervened each time. Things can and do get better. God continually renews and restores people. Will you trust Him to do so?

For me, seeing that I am not a cursed person that repels others has taken many, many years and I am still recovering from the pain of rejection and ridicule in my life, but God has opened my eyes to see that I am blessed and that He is continuing to restore and renew me to conform to His image.

Unlikely People

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-written 8/8/2022

Do you feel discouraged, deflated, and worthless? Are there critical voices in your head or from others that reject your true self? Are you on the verge of seeing the last straw in your life that would break the camel’s back?

I have been there—many times in my life. But you know what? I have learned over and over again that God can still restore, renew, revive and use me for His good purposes. I am a living testimony of this.

I have struggled on and off with depression for over two decades. I’ve had many suicidal thoughts, and came close to attempting many times. I was told by several people that I would not likely get a full time job ever in my life. I was told by an instructor that I would never learn to drive, and that I should start learning how to use public transportation.

However, these naysayers—the ones that told me in different ways that I wouldn’t amount to much or that I could not achieve what neurotypical, or non-autistic, people could achieve—did not have the final say on the rest of my life. The instructor that said I would never drive did not know that God, through my dear mentor J, paved the way for me to be more confident and practice driving more until I now drive regularly by myself to work, stores, church, and other places! The people that said that I could never have a full time job or would not be likely to get one did not anticipate that, soon after they said this, God would provide me with a full time job that lasted almost 6 years! Not only that, I am also currently full time. Whenever I would concoct a plan to end my life or I was reaching the end of the rope, God prevented me from actually attempting suicide and also provided people in my life who encouraged me and empathized with my situation and stressors.

No matter what has happened in your life or how hopeless your situation may seem, God can also use you! Don’t listen to those voices—whether they may come from within or from others— that tell you that you won’t be able to accomplish “x” and who don’t know your full capabilities. God will provide what you need in order to carry out His good purposes for your life! You may not become the person that you pictured you would be when you were younger. I certainly am not! However, you will be the person that God wants you to be and make a positive difference in your world….if you persevere and trust that He is able.

Know that God uses unlikely people to accomplish great things. He used David, who was the youngest of his brothers and was a lowly shepherd, to lead His people (Israel) as a king after His own heart. The Lord is using Nick Sergent* (more info on him here), a former drug addict and a three time suicide survivor, through TikTok videos, to tell others about His immense love and redemptive powers. He is using me to relay this message to you today.

And God can use you too. Will you trust Him enough to change your life and redeem it for good?

Shedding Light on the Eternal

-written July 11, 2022

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God has been opening my eyes to things of eternal value, and has been working on me to not dwell on things that have only temporal value. I have observed that most people go through life without thinking much of where they will spend eternity and cultivating in their lives that which will last forever. The devil has deceived many into thinking that now is the only time that matters. Often it takes a tragedy or a crisis in one’s life to bring to one’s mind the things of eternity and the impending subject of one’s death and how we should live our lives now for a better tomorrow.

One way God has been shedding light on the eternal for me is with how He has been helping me heal from my past experiences and wounds. God brought people into my life who believe in who God has created me to be and who are cheering on my successes, not being envious of them or telling me the devil’s lies that I am not good enough. God has been teaching me the value of a person’s soul—not just mine, but everyone else also. Even the people that hurt me in the past need to know that there is hope for their soul, not because they deserve it, but because God doesn’t want anyone to perish in hell for their sins. However, God doesn’t want me to dwell on the past, but, as is said in Philippians 3:13-14 (KJV)- “forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

Another way God has been opening my eyes to things of eternal value is by getting me to let go of control of the temporal things that I have been holding on to too tightly. Before I became a Christian, I used to be very stingy and materialistic, but as time goes on, I realize that God wants me to use the material goods that He has blessed me with to further His kingdom and not hoard them for myself. I not only want people to feel provided for, but also to see people’s eyes opened to the value of sharing and letting go of materialistic and monetary obsessions that stifle our view of eternity. We can’t take anything of materialistic value with us when we pass from this earthly life to eternity anyway. God has also taught me that when people are willing to share with those who are in need of something, whether it be butter for cooking or a listening ear when someone needs affirmation or encouragement during a difficult time in their lives, people forget about themselves and their issues and find joy in sharing.

God has been also showing me the value of the eternal through the events that He has allowed to happen in our world that point to the Last Days and the Rapture, where Jesus will take up all believers into the air. In the past two years alone, I have experienced several days of water shortage in our area, record heat, the whole thing with the COVID-19 pandemic around the world, people looking for answers and hope in the midst of their personal tragedies, increasing tensions between politicians and between people who hold opposing views on a number of political and moral issues. In all this, I see God, who is in control of it all and who provides eternal hope to those who are seeking answers to the why in their trials and tribulations, or just the meaning and purpose of their lives.

Jesus said in Matthew 9:37 (KJV): The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few.

Jesus wants me to be a laborer for His kingdom to bring hope and love to an anguished and dying world.