Practical Life Lessons From Ephesians For Everyone

I realize not everyone believes in the Bible, though I do. However, these life lessons that are drawn from a book of the Bible called Ephesians, I think can apply to most anyone, regardless of religious belief.  These lessons are drawn from my own life experiences, and occasionally, also from those around me whom I have observed and heard.

Without further ado, here is the passage where I will focus:

Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Neither give place to the devil.

Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Ephesians 4:25-29 (KJV)


Here are some of the life lessons that I learned from these verses:

  1. It is better to be honest, because honesty unites, but lying separates close friends.–Even gossip can be a form of lying, as I have realized the hard way at work. A lot of people have spread rumors about certain people at work. Most of them were not founded in an ounce of truth! I have seen these rumors influence how others thought and acted towards these people, without finding out from the source as to whether these statements were true or not.  To think we acted or spoke in hurtful ways towards another because of unproven rumors we heard about someone! What I learned from this is to a.) Try not to listen to rumors, especially if you don’t know the truth in it, and b) Try to verify from the source or sources of the rumors themselves the veracity of the rumors. It is often not as dramatic and bad as it has been related. For another example, when we learn people’s life stories (Post on that is at this link) and people are vulnerable and honest with each other, I find that these things often unite people. Before I really knew one of my managers, I hated him.  I didn’t understand why he had aggravated me so much. However, one day, when he told me about some of the pain he went through in his life, and God intervened in our lives, the hate and aggravation that I felt for him began to melt away and be replaced with only love and compassion.  When I honestly tell other people my life story, people also begin to act with more love and compassion towards me.
  2. Don’t let anger fester in your heart for more than a day, lest it turn into bitterness and resentment later. –Because, in the past, I had held grudges against certain people for a really long time (literally, years), my spiritual and emotional growth were stunted.  Yes, I did grow, but not as much as I should have.  I now realize why I had trouble applying some spiritual principles to my life at the time.—I held grudges, and thus couldn’t receive God’s (or anyone else’s, for that matter) forgiveness in my life.  It was only when I let go of these long-standing grudges and intentionally began to act with kindness and grace towards my offenders, that I started to grow spiritually the way God (and, frankly, I as well) wanted to for so long.  Now, my policy is to try to resolve issues that I have with a person within a day, or a week, at the very latest.  However, I try my very best to follow the day rule prescribed in Scripture. This way, my anger dissipates quickly, and I can be at peace with that person as soon as possible.  I wish everyone followed this principle because this can have practical benefits to not only other people, but also our own emotional growth as well. When people succumb to bitterness and resentment towards others, and hold grudges, I find that they get discouraged and disgruntled more easily than those who let go.  These grudge-holders are often the first to complain, and the last to say “thank you”.  Don’t let resentment and bitterness rule over you. Let. It. Go.
  3. Live to encourage others, not put down others.—There is a saying that goes like this: Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Nothing could be further from the truth! I’m sure each one of you has been hurt by the sting of condescending and demeaning words before. Almost twenty years ago, one of my teachers almost destroyed my motivation to live and help others. He never beat me up physically, but I still feel the sting of his words today.  Some of my peers, who bullied me at school, also said things to hurt me.  Though I  wish these people nothing but the best, words can still have a crippling effect on me.  Because I know the pain of hurtful words, I strive to encourage others as much as possible. Yes, I fail at times at encouraging others, as we all do, but we must do our best.  I want to only speak words that will help and/or uplift someone‘s spirit.  I want others to be able to see that I value and care about them, especially through how and what I speak to them.  If we live to encourage, and not tear down, we may be able to save the lives of people that have almost given up emotionally, as we revive their spirits.

These are some of the life lessons I learned from Ephesians 4. When we are honest, and not deceptive with one another, when we resolve our anger and problems quickly to be at peace with others, and when we live to encourage others, I believe we will lead more spiritually and emotionally successful lives.  May we live with love and compassion for one another!


Creating a Legacy: Living with Purpose

Over the past few weeks, I have heard and/or witnessed one of my dear friends almost dying, going to a funeral of a friend that I hadn’t been able to see for a long time, my pastor getting sick, various people holding grudges against one another (thankfully, not me), and the stress of my workplace getting tested by our company.   In all these things, I believe God has been teaching me to a.) make my life count, and  b.) create a lasting legacy for my life.

I hate to be morbid, but we will all die someday. This is why I believe it is imperative to live with purpose, and create a legacy, not only for ourselves, but also for future generations that may not even know our names.

Even when I was at the lowest depths of my depression, I thought about my purpose in life. I knew that where I was then was not where I wanted to end up, in the final moments of my life.  Yes, I have always had happy moments in my life, despite the looming depression, but I had never really realized lasting joy until recently.  Little by little, God has shown me how to live powerfully, with lasting and great purpose. I believe that anyone here can live their life with purpose and can make a positive and powerful difference in the world around them.

Here is what I learned about living life with purpose:

  1. If you want to live your life with purpose, you cannot be a half-hearted individual.—I see a lot of people around me going through life, not only struggling just to survive, but also without aim or purpose. I was that way when I was growing up. If I was aware that I would forget some of what I learned in school or that I would never see 90% of my peers that I grew up with up until now, I am afraid I would have done more things to get them over with, without any heart, or passion, in what I was doing.  However, during the past five or so years, God has taught me how to live my life with passion and purpose. For more information about finding a purpose in your life, read this post.  At work, for example, when I go into get-things-done mode (a.k.a—doing things to get them over with), I find that I am much less effective in getting said things done right, than if I did them with concentration and put my heart into what I am doing.  This is true for other areas of one’s life as well. For example, if you are married (I personally am not, just my observations of relationships I see) and you do things for your spouse just for duty’s sake or get him or her off your back, you are less likely to please him or her, than if you did said things with thoughtfulness and heart.
  2. If you want to live your life with purpose, you must be willing to forsake certain things.—We all get distracted in life. However, when living your life with purpose, you want to limit these distractions as much as possible.  For instance, if you are living with the purpose of being there and providing for your family, you want to work enough that everyone is adequately fed and provided for, but not so much that you won’t have any meaningful time to spend with them.  So, in that example, the person who wants to be there and provide for his or her family must get a job that would adequately provide for everyone in their family and that they won’t have to work too many hours, at the wrong times, so they can be there for their family.   For me, my purpose in life is to glorify God and love others. This means I must actively strive to forsake things that would prevent me from carrying out this purpose, such as listening to or watching media that promotes the hatred of or devalues my God or others.
  3. If you want to live your life with purpose, you must persevere. –If you want to create a lasting legacy, you must not give up on life, or your purpose, even when it gets tough. For instance, if part of your purpose involves making a positive difference in certain relationships in your life, you must not give up on these relationships when tension or difficulties threaten them. In my life, to my shame, l almost gave up on several people, who hurt me in the past. However, I believe God didn’t allow me to, and something (or Someone) in me kept me from giving up on these people completely. Thankfully, these relationships are restored, and I am able to be, not only a friend to them, but, hopefully, make a positive and lasting impact on them, as well. For another example, if you want to be successful, career-wise, you must not let obstacles get in the way of your goals.  You must not let a couple of failures or bad days at work, make you quit your job completely, if you aim to be successful career or work wise.


These are the principles that I have learned in helping me to live my life with purpose.  If you want people to remember you after your time on earth is up, you must live your life with passion, be willing to forsake certain things, and persevere through it all.  If you want to be remembered well, I believe investing in other people’s lives, instead of only your own, is a good place to start. Yes, it takes work to live with purpose, but I believe it will be well worth it in the end.

Three Things God Has Been Teaching Me

As I have grown more in my faith in Christ, I believe that God has been teaching me more difficult life lessons.  However, even these lessons can be applied by most anyone, regardless of religious belief, to their daily lives.  Some of them, He has been teaching me just through these past couple of weeks, and some He has been teaching me for a longer period of time. Since I am human, I do struggle in these areas still sometimes, but the important thing for me (and you) to remember is that when we fail, we make amends, and then we get back up and try again. So, the three main things that I believe God has been teaching me are:

  1. Surrender
  2. Sacrifice
  3. Gratitude

One of the things that God has been teaching me is to surrender. This does not only include surrendering to Him for His will in my life, but also to authority figures in my life, as well as making the necessary compromises with other people. When I got upset at one of my co-workers on my birthday, I believe I was struggling with this issue of surrender. I won’t go into details, but instead of giving up my right to something, I held on to it until we both got upset at each other. In retrospect, I should have just given up my rights, especially since it involved something very minor.  For a long time, until today, I never really understood why Jesus wanted us not to take vengeance against others when we were clearly wronged, and why, in my mind, we should just let people walk all over us.  Then, while reading, The Cost of Discipleship, which was written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I found the answer. Bonhoeffer says, “Resistance merely creates further evil and adds fuel to the flames.” (Bonhoeffer, 141—bold emphasis mine).  Suddenly, it was like a light bulb in my brain turned on! That is why people should not take vengeance against another, or return violence for violence!  How true that is!  For instance, in my own life, when I wanted to get back at certain people for the wrong they did to me, be it, by purposely avoiding them and giving them an evil stare, or talking smack about them because of how they made me look bad before, I found that the situation with that person actually gets much worse, not better in any way.  However, when I instead counter their evil, by letting them be and by instead countering their evil by trying to still be kind to them, their attacks and evil usually diffuse much faster. Even with people in authority that are hard for you to get along with, this principle of surrender can be used.  For instance, when I did not want to do something, my natural instincts would be a.) to refuse to do said thing, until I wanted to, or b.) get upset about having to do said thing. However, that would be disobedience, because I wasn’t doing said task, immediately, as expected, or with a good attitude.  However, when I surrender my desires to the authority figure and strive to do said task with a good attitude, I find the task to be more bearable than if I tried to put up a fight against doing said task. Also, when I surrender to God’s will, I find that I don’t have to worry about things because I know God will take care of me, and will lead me through.


Another thing that God has been teaching me that goes along with surrender is sacrifice. Sacrifice can be defined as, according to Merriam-Webster, “destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else.” (source: As I said in a previous post, I worked eleven hours on my birthday, sacrificing rest and possible hoopla over that day, because I did not want us to do badly on our store test, as some Very Important people have been coming in this week to rate the various areas of our store.  I learned, both from God and my pastor that sacrificing something for a greater cause is always worth it in the end.  My parents have sacrificed a tastier meal in order to finish another one that they may like less, so I would be able to eat the tastier meal.  I want to be able to do the same in all facets of my life, not only for God or my parents, but for everyone around me.  I have also learned that one cannot truly love without being willing to sacrifice for another. If you are not willing to make the necessary sacrifices for someone, you should really question how much you truly love them.  For instance, you may have a crush on someone, but it cannot go deeper than that if you are not willing to do what is necessary to ensure that person feels loved and cared about, even above your own desires.  Love is more than just a gooey, good feeling. It involves sacrifice.


Lastly, God has been teaching me gratitude. Gratitude, as I define it, is being thankful for everything you have gotten in life, and not having an entitlement attitude about anything.  Gratitude acknowledges that everything good you get is a gift, and nothing is completely “earned”.  I struggle with this sometimes, but have tried to overcome ingratitude by reminding myself of at least three things that I have to be thankful for that day. Once in a while, I suggest that if you want to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in your life, compile a list of all the things you can think of, that you have to be thankful.  I started a list like this in 2011, which can also be found at this link.  Then, when you feel especially discouraged, you can look back at your gratitude list, and remind yourself of all the good that has been given in your life.  We often can become ungrateful because we compare ourselves to those we perceive have it “better” than us. Why not do the opposite? Instead of comparing ourselves to the “better” Joneses, we should compare ourselves to those who have it tougher than us. Then, we can feel better about the situation we are in, and also hopefully focus on how we can help those who are struggling, instead of being so self-focused.

If we all (me included) were more willing to surrender our rights sometimes, be willing to sacrifice for others for a greater good, and if we were more appreciative for what we already have been given, then I believe there would be less strife in this world, and we would be more on our way to make a positive difference in this world.



Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. The Cost of Discipleship. SCM Press, 1959.

On Overcoming Fear

What are you afraid of? For me, my biggest fears have been fear of rejection and fear of failure. My other, lesser fears include fear of tarantulas, fear of heights, fear of wasps and big spiders.  Yes, many fears can be crippling and can pull one down, but some of them can actually be beneficial. Fear can be good if it protects you from greater dangers, if it creates respect and reverence for someone or something that deserves or is entitled to it, and when it influences us to make wise decisions.  For instance, recently I wanted to pull a double-shift for one of my managers to help him get things done, but because of a big snowstorm, he advised me not to. Because I was afraid of what would happen with me being possibly drowsy (I would have been up for more than 24 hours that day if I did said shift, and working more than 12!) and bad weather conditions , I listened to his advice to cancel working the double shift and just work my normal shift that day.  His care and my willingness to listen that day could have possibly saved my life, because even when I was going home at the normal time (and the weather and roads weren’t as bad yet) the drive was still a bit treacherous. Imagine how it would have been in the midst of the storm and with me being drowsy! Also, the Bible says to fear God, and this is a good fear because it helps believers to respect Him and to worship Him better.

However, fear can also be bad. This kind of fear can cripple you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Furthermore, this fear can keep you from accomplishing your goals and purposes in life and, in some cases, can even kill you!  For instance, fear of failure has prevented me, in the past, from trying new things or doing things that I needed to do to be more successful.  When I didn’t think there was even a slight possibility of accomplishing something, I tend to either give up, or more likely, just get very frustrated, instead of finding a new way to accomplish said thing.  Certain fears, like a fear of rejection, can also be an indicator of your lack of trust both in your own God-given abilities and in everyone else.

Overcoming fear is about triumphing over “bad” fear in order to live a more successful and fulfilling life. Though I still struggle with certain fears, these are several ways that I have strived to overcome them:

The first step in overcoming fears that cripple and depress you is finding the root cause of your fear or fears. There are many root causes of fear. For instance, I often struggle with the fear of failure because I want things to be just right.  The root causes, or the things that cause me to fear failure, are:

  1. Feeling that I wouldn’t be of use to the world if I didn’t succeed in said thing. (a sense of inadequacy)
  2. Feeling that other people would think I am “stupid” or “worthless” for my perceived failure. (fear of rejection)
  3. Fear of the consequences of my failure.

Other common “root causes” of fear are our lack of trust for a person or institution, a feeling of discouragement (that we can never get it right anyway no matter how much we tried), or shame if we did feared thing. Once we find the root cause or causes of our fear or fears, we are ready to begin overcoming our fears.

The second step in overcoming fears is what I call, exposure.  I would not try to expose yourself to the fear all at once; it will be too overwhelming.  Instead, slowly expose yourself to the fear.  For instance, if you are afraid of spiders, I would start by looking at pictures online, in a magazine or book, of a spider.  Then, when you can look at said pictures without feeling anxious or icky about, then buy a plastic spider at a craft or party store, and touch it and feel it crawl against your skin.  When you can do that without feeling anxious and squeamish about it, then try to do the same with a small real- life spider. When that doesn’t bother you (i.e.. you don’t scream or get squeamish), you have conquered your fear! Congratulations! For another example, if you fear rejection by people when you share your struggles with others, first tell someone else about a minor struggle you faced this week. Then, when you can do that without worry or fear, tell someone about an on-going struggle you faced this month. If you can do that with no problems, then you are ready to share the struggle you had to face this year, or in your life. Also, ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can happen to me if I were confronted with my fear or if my fear came true? “ and “How can I deal with what would happen without giving into fear?”

For physical fears, such as fear of spiders, I would a.) expose myself to the fear little by little, and b) Find support in dealing with my fears. This support person or persons would make sure I can get through the fear well and would “talk me out” of the fear when I am afraid. For emotional fears, such as fear of rejection, I would remind myself of the people that love me, and believe that they actually love me.  I would remind myself that these fears are usually lies that cripple me into becoming the person I want to be. Finally, I would also seek out supportive people that will help me in coping with my fears by encouraging me and talking me out of giving in to my fears.

Finally, if you have overcome your fear or fears, I would try to help others overcome their fears. However, make sure that you yourself are still not struggling with said fears, otherwise you will pull both you and the other person down!  In order to be a good supportive friend in helping others overcome their fears, make sure you can in some way relate to their fear or fears. Also, never ever minimize or act condescendingly towards them for their fears. For instance, if your friend is afraid of wasps, do not tell them they are a “baby” for being afraid of them.  Also, don’t dangle a wasp in front of them to tease them. This is very condescending and bullying behavior. It will not only make them even more fearful, but also, they won’t trust you to help them overcome their fears anymore, and you will have lost the opportunity to make a real difference for them. The point is to always help them in a positive, supportive way.

These are the ways that I try to overcome my fears. Yes, I still struggle at times, but I have overcome and am overcoming many of my past fears.  Being triumphant over these fears has definitely helped me to be a more motivated and successful person.  What are your fears? How have you tried to overcome them? Please feel free to discuss in the comments.

Why I Believe in Miracles

Because miracles are rare and spectacular displays of divine affection and because life can be very difficult for many people, there are some that no longer believe in miracles. According to the Oxford-English dictionary, a miracle is, “a remarkable event or development that brings very welcome consequences.” (source: However, I personally believe in miracles mainly for these three reasons:

  • Miracles cultivate hope in my life.
  • Because the demonstration of miracles by God in my life has saved me on more than one occasion.
  • Because God’s miracles have restored several of my relationships with others.

Often miracles, whether in literature or in people’s lives, happen when it seems like hope has run out. This has certainly been the case with me.  I believe the miracle of me becoming a Christian started when hope seemed to run out for me. I was sixteen years old and in high school. The teenage years are a turbulent time for many people, and I was no exception.  I just got out of coping with a couple of serious mental health issues, and I felt like I had no one I could really turn to or trust.  I had few, if any, friends and my course load at school was challenging. To top the stressors off, I encountered a teacher who had the reputation of being a bully and a verbal abuser.  I even flirted with the idea of suicide. However, after a friend of mine invited me to a bible study and I started to search for answers, God took a hold of my life, a few months later.

About fifteen years later, God saved my life again, but this time physically. (For more details on this miracle, see this post. ) It started when I was having pains in my side at work. My parents and I thought it was just a hernia or a muscle pull, so I tried all the over-the-counter medications we had.  However, when I started throwing up blood, we knew something was terribly wrong. Long story short, I went to the ER, and the doctors treating me discovered that my gall bladder was terribly inflamed and twice the size it should have been. I learned later that I could have very well died from this if I still had not listened to that voice inside after I had thrown up the blood! My gall bladder was then taken out just in time before it burst and caused any real damage.

About a week ago today, God saved my life yet again! I was driving to church, minding my own business. It was dark, but the street lights were on. I had the right-of-way, but a driver, not even seeing or caring about their surroundings, cuts in front of me to the point of almost colliding with me. Luckily, my instincts kick in, and I stop just in time to avoid colliding with the driver, as he or she just whizzes away.  I felt startled, but was very grateful that I was able to avoid a serious accident!

Some of the miracles, that I believe God has worked in my life, have also caused my once-broken relationships with certain others to be restored.  I can think of some people in particular where I did not think the relationships could be restored. I thought the best it would be is that we would quietly  tolerate each other and/or avoid each other as much as possible. I really thought (wrongly) that these people would ruin my life. However, because of the support of God, my family, pastors, and many of my friends at church and many prayers, the people who I have had problems with, have not only failed to ruin my life, but they have turned out to be one of my greatest blessings in my life thus far!  God also worked in my heart and life to let go of (i.e  forgive) the hurts that I held against them and really love them even more than myself.

If I had to list every little miracle God displayed in my life, I would be writing forever. However, these are some of the major ones in my life. This is why I believe in miracles.  Yes, life has been difficult, at times, for me, but then there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. That is when miracles can happen. What miracles happened in your life? Why do you or do you not believe in miracles? Please discuss in the comments.

My Top Seven Rules of Life

Question idea from Todd Brison, in Quora, all other ideas are mine.

Almost everyone has a set of rules they follow for how they live their lives. Some of these may be unspoken or not even really thought about much. Others are more purposeful about making sure they follow their own rules for their lives.  Here are the rules that I strive to follow for my life and why I believe that they are important for success in life.

Rule # 1) Work as diligently as you can.

One of my pet peeves is seeing people who are not doing their very best in their day job or career, or in life.  They are just doing x activity just because they “have” to, or a loved one, forcing them to do that thing.  They overburden others and are just in it for themselves and their own selfish desires.  Another one of my pet peeves is feeling bored.  These are just two of the reasons why I strive to always work as diligently as I can. Even though my day job isn’t glamorous, I still strive to do it to glorify God and with all my heart, soul, and strength. When I see another person work diligently at something, I admire their drive and passion. I also have more of a desire to imitate them!  So, when you work as diligently as possible, as a general rule, in life at whatever life throws at you, you not only will live a more successful life, but you will also inspire others to do the same.

Rule #2) Don’t waste your life.

You were given a life–Don’t waste it on things that are not important or that you will later regret.  For instance, when I was younger, I was preoccupied with a.) myself and b.) was in “survival” mode. I did not think much about the connection to what I did then, and what would be in the future.  Now, I aim to be less preoccupied with myself and things that I feel don’t matter to me as much, and focus more on what does matter, such as God and eternity, and the quality of my relationships that I cultivate in this life.  Make your life count! You can do this by a.) Thinking about and writing down a life purpose (which I recommend to be about a sentence or two), and think about how you’re living now fits in with it.  b) If there are parts of how you’re living life that don’t fit into your life’s purpose, make the necessary changes so it does fit!

Rule #3) Care about others.

When I was a child, I did not know how to care about others as much as I do now, and yes, I am still learning even more about how to best care for others.  I was a very selfish person. As a consequence, I feel that I wasted most of my life then. I failed to speak up for others suffering from injustice in my school because I was too absorbed in my own problems to notice or care.  I regret this to this day.  However, I slowly learned about the blessing of caring for others, especially in the past five years.  I learned that we should not care for others only so we can get something, but also for the benefit of the person we are caring about.  We should aim to make a positive difference in others’ lives not only to feel good about ourselves (though it is certainly not wrong to feel good when we do something nice for someone else!), but also to put a smile on someone else’s face and to improve the quality of their lives. Everyone has gone or is going through something tough.  If we can lift off some of their burdens, the people we are helping will be better equipped to cope with life.

Rule #4) Hate evil.

Hate all forms of evil. This may be as minor as hating strife and slander, or as major as hating murder and rape.  This does not necessarily mean hating the people who do it, though that is most people’s natural response, but more so the sin or sins that they committed.  I strive to hate evil because it is against God and everything I believe.  When we accept or acquiesce to evil, we not only compromise our morals, we slowly become monsters inside. I would hate to succumb to any of the evils that I was rescued out from. Never go back to the bad, from which you were saved.

Rule # 5) Learn as much as possible about other people and about the world around us.

In order to truly love and understand others, we need to know about them.  Even three years ago, I admit that I did not really follow this rule by heart! When I joined a blogging community online and had to read other people’s blogs, I learned much more about the world around me and about other people’s life stories.  When you have a thirst for learning, you not only benefit others because you are trying to understand them and their world, but you also benefit yourself by growing in knowledge and wisdom.  Learning not only takes place in scholastic institutions, it takes place at work (if you are employed), at home, and even at a grocery store, to name just a few.

Rule #6) Love others, even if it sometimes breaks your heart to do so.

This is a tough one to follow, even for me.  There are several people, with who I have worked and in other parts of my life, that I had a difficult time loving as God would.  However, I learned that loving others, even when it is tough to do so, often helps strengthen the relationship.  Every time I had wanted to give up on loving someone, I believe God worked things out so that I would persevere instead.  This lead to me eventually forgiving these people and letting go of the bad times we had together, and cultivating some good times instead.  When I intentionally love someone, even if I don’t initially “feel” like loving them, I realized that, oftentimes, that person that is tough to love: a. ) begins to open up to me emotionally and b) gives hope to the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation in the relationship. When we persevere in loving someone who breaks your heart, we show the durability and authenticity of our love.  Love, even when it is difficult to do so.

Rule #7) Forgive others for their mistakes and sins.

Along with Rule #6, which says to “Love others, even when it sometimes breaks your heart to do so,” forgive others for their mistakes and sins.  This is especially true when someone hurts us unintentionally. For instance, if someone we know at work does not acknowledge or greet us because they are busy, do not hold it against them. This is probably not because they didn’t “care” about you, but because they were too absorbed into what they were doing to notice what is around them.  Also, even if someone is upset at you, and, thus, does not want to talk to or acknowledge us, also try not to take it as an affront. When I am upset at someone, I don’t want to talk to them either, not because I want to “punish” them with my silence, but because if I did talk to them, I would most likely say something I would live to regret. This may be true for others as well.  Also, instead of seething in anger at their apparent indifference, you should ask them with compassion, “What is wrong?” or apologize if you know you have upset them.  Even forgiving others for more serious sins, such as if your significant other was cheating on you, or if someone who abused you,  has a freeing effect for you, not just  for the offender.  When I truly forgive another, I feel like a burden has been lifted off me. Reconciliation may not be possible or even wise if a person sinned seriously enough against you, but you still can let go of the anger and bitterness towards them.


These are the seven rules that I try to abide by in my life.  If we strive to abide by these rules, I believe we will have true success in life because we will not only be able to cope with whatever life throws at us better, but we will also have a more enriching and purposeful life. What are the seven rules for your life which you strive to live by? Are these rules difficult to apply to your life sometimes? Please feel free to discuss in the comments.

Biggest Lie Society Taught Me To Believe (and how to counter it)

Disclaimer: This post is inspired by a question asked of writer Todd Brison on Quora. You can find his website here.

The lie that society has taught me to believe since I was about two years old when I was rejected by people at a daycare center, is that one’s worth is dependent on how much you accomplish and/or are to other people. Maybe there are some of you who have or are still believing this very lie. It’s easy to believe, especially if you live in a developed country like I do. The phrase “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps,” comes from this mentality. It says that, basically, we should be self-made and need minimal, if any, help from others. This mentality also does not take into account or value those who are disabled or otherwise cannot do certain things all by themselves. It may see people who need help of any kind as  “weaker,” more “useless,” or somehow “less valuable,” than their able-bodied counterparts.  The only benefit to believing this lie is that it forces you to be diligent and not lazy. However, the drawbacks, in my mind, are not worth this benefit.  First of all, it devalues people. It not only devalues the disabled or sick but also everyone else because it reduces our worth to be only what we do and if we are “useful” to society or not. Racism and other forms of prejudice derive from this mentality that other people are worth less because of what they do or don’t do in society.  Also, this lie is a form of pride.  Believing this lie does not allow one to get the help and support they need, because of the stigma of shame and embarrassment of feeling “worthless”  if they admit they need help. If one accomplishes success in society’s eyes, this person may become arrogant and look down upon others. Finally, this lie sometimes influences people to spend their life on things that are not as essential, such as becoming a workaholic to the expense of his or her health and loved ones.  Because this society is accomplishment driven, some people may chase after money, power, sex, or work to the point of being obsessed with them and delve into becoming an addict, which is never good.  If this society based someone’s worth more on how they beautiful and unique they are, for instance, instead of just what they can contribute to society, this wouldn’t be such an issue.

Here are some ways we can counter this lie and its effects:

  1. Value people.–I have written several times on how we should value people. For these posts see this and this.  However, it is worth repeating.  One way we can value people more is to thank people for the good that they do to us and others. For instance, if you see a colleague or a boss take the initiative to help you with some of your work because they see it may overwhelm you, say ” Thank you. I appreciate your help.”  They are not obligated to help you, but the fact that they did anyway needs to be acknowledged not only for their sake but also for yours as well.  Another way we can value people is to encourage people when they feel upset or depressed. Tell and show people that they are still worthy of love even if they don’t accomplish everything they desire or hope.
  2. Demonstrate and encourage humility.–One way to demonstrate humility is to genuinely apologize when you make a mistake or offend someone. Never say, “I’m sorry, but…,” because you are just excusing what you did, which is not a real apology.  The correct way to apologize and make amends with someone you offended is to a.) I am sorry I did x and that I hurt you by doing x. I will promise to try to never do that again. Will you forgive me?” b.) Work to not only offer restitution for the loss the offended party incurred by your mistake or sin but also to never offend them again. Another way to show humility is to be willing to be vulnerable. Never be afraid to ask for someone else’s help or admit that you are not perfect.  Yes, it is a risk sometimes. Many people aren’t willing to be vulnerable because they are afraid of what others will think of them and that they will be rejected. That used to be me too in the past. Now, I am not so afraid anymore, because I now know that their opinion really doesn’t matter. It is what God thinks of me that really counts. Also, the people that reject us for being vulnerable and honest with them are probably insecure themselves, and striving to please them is really a waste of time because they will never be satisfied with anything we can give them anyway.
  3. Be successful in things that will matter for eternity, or for your eternal memory, not just on things that will only last in your earthly life.–Yes, it is good to be successful at one’s job or career, or get good grades. I don’t object to this at all. In fact, I encourage it!  However, what I’m saying is don’t focus so much on worldly success that you miss what really counts or what memory you will leave on this earth after your life ends.  In order to be truly successful, I believe one of the things people should focus on besides God is the relationships you have on this earth with other people. How are you treating those you profess to love or care about? This is something I think (me included) can do better. Do not be so focused on worldly goals that you miss the eternal and the spiritual, and your relational goals.

If we do these three things, this lie can be seen for the farce it is. People are inherently valuable, not because they can do a lot of good for us, or even the world, but because each person is unique and special in how they were created to be. Value and cherish others today, and never think that we are only as good as what we do.