When I came across this question, I knew I had to write about this! After all, these desires motivate me to live life well, and underlie almost everything I do.
What do you want more than anything in your life? Write about the burning hot core of your desire, and how that desire has changed over your life.
When I was growing up, these are the three things that I wanted more than anything.
- For my peers to love and accept me for who I am, and genuinely like me.
- To be successful in school, so I could get a high-paying job later in life.
- To be happy.
Now, these are the top three things that I want more than anything in the world.
- For people to know God’s love and mercy for them.
- For God to say to me when I meet him at Heaven’s gate: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
- To be able to fulfill God’s purposes in my life.
Growing up, as I have said in previous posts, I was a very self-centered and rigid child. I did not know how to really love or care for people, though I did the best I could at the time with what I knew. I still remember one classmate in elementary school telling me that I was difficult to get along with! From third grade until my freshman year of high school, I was also often the target of bullying from my peers. I had few friends, and I really didn’t feel particularly close to anyone. I yearned for the day that people would just invest in me and really be there as a confidante for me. I remember being, often, lonely and/or bored with life, though I did have happy times as well. However, that was mainly with family, not my peers.
Looking back, I realized that I tried to stifle this desire by working very diligently in school. It worked. I remember rarely ever getting anything lower than a B (above average) on my report card. I wished to be someone successful and loved in the world’s eyes someday, a far cry from what my peers thought of me then. Teachers did appreciate my efforts though, and encouraged me to “believe in myself” more, since I was also often anxious and worried about things. I would probably have even been labeled a “teacher’s pet,” because I often looked to teachers to encourage and strengthen me in school.
All in all, I wanted to be happy with my life. However, it would be only after my teenage years were over, did I start to find real joy and happiness in my life.
One of the toughest times of my life came when I was sixteen years old. I had maybe only one or two real friends, and one of my teachers was so verbally abusive, that he left an emotional scar that is there to this day. I was at the end of my rope. All my dreams of being happy, loved by my peers, and successful in the world’s eyes seemed to be coming to a shattering end. All I wanted at that point was to end this pain and suffering that I was going through.
That’s when God came into my life.
As God has come into my life, I believe, little by little, He has showed me a great purpose for my life. Because of His love and care for me, and because of all the love and support I have received from so many others after my sixteenth year passed, my desires have changed. No longer do I strive as much just to be accepted and loved by my peers, though because of God’s commandment to “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with [everyone].” (Romans 12:18), I still try to get along with everyone.
I would not really be considered a success in the world’s eyes, at least, monetarily. However, I no longer care about that, because I know that it is no longer a priority to my life. However, I do strive to be a success in God’s eyes, and to be able to hear the words “Well done, good and faithful servant,” rather than “Depart from me, you worker of iniquity [sin]!”
Most of all, I want the world to know and experience God’s love. I have lived through the Columbine massacre, that claimed more than a dozen lives, one of them being my faith hero, Rachel Joy Scott. I have lived through 9/11 that claimed more than 3,000 American lives. I now live during a time when the world is in turmoil, and people are hungering for love and care everywhere. I don’t completely understand why some people turn to violence and hurting people that didn’t do anything to them, to get attention. I don’t know why many people just have stopped caring for others , and are giving up on making a positive difference in their world. However, I know that everyone, including these people, need love and care. Because of the positive impact that God’s love, as well as the love I received from those around me, has had on me, I can’t help but share it with others. As it says in 2 Corinthians 5:14, “The love of Christ constraineth us,” meaning the love of Jesus Christ compels me to love others.
I apologize for all the times I did not show God’s love to others, because I am not perfect. However, I strive every day to love others with the same measure (and maybe even above) that has been given to me.