Things to Remember When Stressed and Anxious

–written December 5, 2019

Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay

I have struggled with depression and some anxiety since I was a little kid. When I was in school, I remember I would often worry about getting my assignments done on time and my grades on tests I would have to take.  Sometimes, it would be so bad that I would be waking up for a while thinking about these things as I lay in bed trying to sleep!  Even now, I still struggle a bit with anxiety and depression, though much less than before.  This post is as much as me talking to myself, as it is to my readers.  Unfortunately, I almost always learn or know these things after an anxiety or stressful episode happens. However, here is what we all need to remember when we are getting stressed and anxious:

In the words of Paul in Romans 8:28 (KJV): “All things work together for good to them who love God who are the called according to His purpose.”  In other words, God will work all the events of our lives, including the bad ones, for our ultimate good, usually to strengthen our character and/or grow us spiritually.  At least for me, when I get anxious and stressed, I am very tempted to think about the worst possible outcome happening for me, and that I would never be able to survive after that.  This leads sometimes to suicidal ideations. Thankfully, it rarely, if ever leads to suicidal attempts anymore, though it had several times in the past.  However, when I remember what it says in Romans 8:28, I will not lose hope as easily, and thus I will become less stressed.  I, then, will be able to recall some bad situations in my life that God has indeed already used for my good and for His glory!  For instance, at work, there were a couple of people that I always had butted heads with and never thought anything would get better in our relationship with them. However, what ended up happening was that God used them in my life to grow my character and teach me to reconcile with and forgive them.  God also made me realize some things that I did to hurt those people that I had not gotten along with in the past, and repent of those things.

Along with remembering that God will always use the events of my life for my good and His glory, I need to remember that God is sovereign over all things. When I am stressed or anxious, at least for me, I fear losing control of the event at hand. I fear that I will not be able to handle the situation well and that things will never be able to be redeemed in my life after that.  I fear failing the people I love, and even more, failing as a witness and a disciple of Christ.  However, when I remember that God is sovereign over all things, I don’t have to fear losing control, since I can acknowledge that I was never in control in the first place. He will put events into my life according to His will. For instance, when I have to deal with a difficult associate or customer at work, if I acknowledge that God sent them in my life and that something good can come out of the situation, I will be much calmer and less apt to get frustrated or anxious in that situation with that person.

Finally, I should remember when I am coming into a stressful situation, to trust that God will give me everything I need to deal with the situation at hand and to use what He gives me in order that I may be able to react positively and not get upset and anxious. The verse that comes to mind that speaks of God’s provision for us is Philippians 4:19 (KJV), which says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” For instance, when finances are tight, and God still expects me to tithe at church, I don’t have to skimp on tithing or worry that I will not have enough for what my family and I need, because I can trust that God will provide someway somehow when I am faithful to Him.  Another example of God giving me everything I needed is  he time when I forgot to bring fruit for home to have for my snack, and God moved in one of my coworkers to give me a Taffy apple.  Thus, I was able to eat that apple, and did not have to go out and buy one from work.

If we remembered that God will use all situations we encounter in our lives for our good and His glory, that God is in control of all things, and that He will always supply everything that we need to make it through life, we would never have to worry or be stressed. So, my prayer to each reader, including me, is that we would remember these things and have much joy and peace this month.

Image by michel kwan from Pixabay

Fear No More

-written May 19 and June 8, 2022

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

Almost two years ago, near the end of October 2020, I felt like my life was over. This was during the height of the pandemic, where I felt so isolated and alone that I didn’t even see God working. I gave into fear and disillusionment. I was on leave from work because the increasing stress had caused me to have an anxiety attack and nervous breakdown.

What I did not know was that after my leave was over, the stress at work would dissipate for awhile, before becoming bad again. Fear paralyzed me and threatened to permanently steal the joy I should have had as a believer in Christ.

A little over a month ago today, God blessed me with my current job. One Wednesday night, I went to church service, but didn’t expect anything great since there were very few people in our congregation that attended (the rest were with the children to celebrate the kids’ accomplishments in AWANA). What I didn’t know is that service has the potential to change my perspective and my life forever.

A missionary in our congregation spoke on living the victorious Christian life. This was not some sort of feel-good easy-believism kind of sermon. No, this was personal. This missionary’s message was both challenging and hopeful at the same time. He spoke of surrendering one’s entire self to God instead of trying to live the Christian life under one’s own power and strength. He spoke of the spiritual battles that will happen when one makes this commitment to God, but that we also need to use God’s strength and power through the shed blood of Jesus to bind these evil forces that try to dissuade us from fully following and surrendering to Him.

I suddenly realized why I was feeling so stressed out in my previous job, and still struggling with Impostor syndrome when people complimented me at my new job. I was trying to navigate the stressors at work under my own power! I realized that my life could be radically changed if I just trusted God in this area and let go of the illusion of control over what happened at work. I needed to let go of the pain I experienced in the past, whether from previous jobs or other past experiences.

I did not need to “prove” to anyone anything. I did not need to be the best at work just to be “acceptable” in God’s or my manager’s eyes. I just needed to give up the illusion that I could control things or that I could do anything worthwhile in my own power. Most of all, I needed to put my “self” to death, that is my selfish desires and ambitions, and give it all to God to allow Him to use me however He sees fit, and I can trust Him because He will always work all things to my good and His ultimate glory! I also realized that I needed to not fear trials and tribulations of life, but trust that God would lead me through them in His power and for His glory!

Sometimes, I still struggle with my fears, especially of trials, because I doubt I can handle them. However, by God’s strength and love, I know God will bring me through them for His glory.

Real

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

To anyone who struggles with masking or accepting with God who made them to be:

No, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

True friends don’t try to cajole you to be who you were NOT meant to be.

True friends embrace the Real You, not the fake you

You don’t have to hide your flaws to appear perfect to those who hate you

Naysayers try to strip you of the Real You

Don’t listen to them.

Be exactly who God created you to be.

True friends accept you, even with your flaws

True friends give you room to be honest and vulnerable

Real lets you embrace God’s beauty in you

Real is honest and true.

Real is down-to-earth.

Real is humble.

Real is grace-breathing.

Real is breath-taking.

Real is unique.

Real is different.

Real is refreshing.

Real brings peace and sanity.

Real is beautiful.

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com

Live Life Unafraid

Photo by Emma Li on Pexels.com

Fear, in my life, has been like the tangled web of lies and entrapment that suffocated me, and constantly sucked joy out of my life. Fear led to my depression, and subsequently an eating disorder which I struggled from my tween years into my early teens. Fear led me to continue in toxic friendships and other relationships in fear of what would happen if I ended them. Fear prevented me from really experiencing some of the blessings that God had for me. However, in the past couple years, God has untied the knots of fear in my life and has led me out into a place of joy and freedom that I haven’t felt since I was a little girl!

Since I was a little girl, I have striven to perform well, whether it be in school or in work. However, I believe the devil used this trait to develop in me the attitude of perfectionism, which led to one of my biggest fears—fear of failure. Whether it be from my parents, society, teachers, bosses, or my peers, when I failed, I could see, in their eyes, their disappointment and sometimes anger at my failure. I felt so invalidated and discouraged during those times, that I subconsciously told myself that I would try never to fail in front of them. That, however, proved impossible.

A couple years ago, the fear of failure and not performing up to my “normal” performance rate (which was already above what management wanted) led to a mental breakdown, which led me to take a leave of absence from work. After I came back to work, I knew I had to face my fear of failing to perform at my “normal” standards head on if I were to prevent future problems at my job.

A couple weeks ago, a new procedure was put into place which confronted my fear of not performing to my normal rate/speed head on. Since the new procedure was put into place, I was no longer in complete control of how fast I could pick the items for the customer. I also learned a couple days ago, that even with the new procedures at work, there were other aspects of my performance (We call them “metrics.”) where I may not be able to be in complete control over the results, because of issues related to the worldwide supply chain disruption or with vendors, drivers, or other people in which I cannot control. With the realization that I did not have to (and could not) control every aspect of my performance, I am now just resolved to do the best I can and now have some semblance of peace in how I perform.

Another way that God has taught me to live life unafraid is by working on me to help me combat my fear of what others think of me. My fear of man had led me to think of how God created me as deficient and inferior, which led to a very unhealthy obsession with restrictive eating. This fear of what others thought of me also led me to continue in some toxic and abusive friendships that reinforced my low self-worth. When God opened my eyes to the lies and the abuse that I had acquiesced to, I was finally able to break much of the ties that I had with the toxicity that enslaved me and almost destroyed me. I realized that I did not need to be friends with people that constantly put me down and bullied me. I did not need to change my personality or appearance for fear that people would not accept the Real me. I could be my unique, neurodivergent, joyful self and who God created me to be, and if people don’t like who I am, at least I know that I am developing into who God wants me to be, and He will always love and cherish me, even if no one else ever does. Thankfully though, God has led me to people that do like the Real me, just the way I am.

In all these situations, God has shown me that if I trust Him to provide for my every need and not worry so much about what would happen if I lacked something I think I “need,” I am able to free myself from the grip of fear and live life unafraid.

Fear Is a Liar

I love my friend’s podcast. He has given me so much insight about life and hope for my own. One of the things I remember him saying in the podcast was how society/people in life have ingrained fear into our lives. I realize now that many of the fears that I instilled in myself and that society has instilled in me are lies from the pit of hell. They have crept into my life, wrecking havoc and paralyzing me to the point where the joy of life was sucked out from beneath me.

One of the biggest fears that I have continually struggled with is fear of failure. I fear losing my job so much that I did everything in my power to be the best at everything at my job, and when I failed, I went into a meltdown. When I did poorly in a school assignment, sometimes I would hide my bad grades from my parents, not only so that they wouldn’t get upset at me, but also because of the shame that I felt from my bad grade. I do everything in my power to be Christlike sometimes, not to glorify God, but because I am afraid of what would happen if I failed. Would I get kicked out of church? Would I ruin my testimony so much that God would not be able to use me anymore for any good in others’ lives or even my own? Even with this fear of failure, there have already been times when I have failed in each of these areas. I believe God is teaching me that even if I fail, He can still use me and my failures for my good and for His glory. Even if I do lose my job, either because I got fired or laid off for some reason, God will inevitably lead me to another one or provide another way for my needs to be met. God is teaching me that even if I try my best at work and fail, that there will be other days to make it up. Also, if I continue doing my best at work and in life, God will inevitably bless and grow me into a reflection of His image and character.

Another fear that I have struggled with for so long is fear of what others may think of me. Another word for this is “fear of man”. I have constantly tried to please others so that people would think much of me and so I wouldn’t lose their love and respect. However, when people saw my flaws, some of them proved that they didn’t really like the Real Me anyway. God has been teaching me that it is not beneficial or right for me to vie for the love of people all the time, that everyone has different expectations, and that some people are just not good confidants for me. God is also teaching me to let go of those relationships which neither the other person nor me can be built up, and to nurture those where I am more free to be myself and where I have opportunities to build the other person up.

Yet another fear I have struggled with since childhood is the fear of suffering. I have been afraid of suffering because I am afraid that I would not handle it well and that it would last, in my mind, “too long.” However, God has been reminding me that it does get better and that I need to trust Him more when I am in the midst of a trial instead of questioning His care and love for me. God also reminds me that He can help me overcome the trial and help me to be able to glorify Him through it.

When I think of being free from these fears, I feel so much exhilarating joy and hope! When I am free from my fears, I can then be completely who God made me to be, without fear of the repercussions of it, because I know He will be pleased.

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Pexels.com

What I am Learning About Letting Go

originally written: September 7, 2018

Edited: April 25, 2021

Dedicated to my friend Alex, who taught me how to let go of all that holds me back and to love freely

I have found that as I go through life, I have not been able to do everything that I wanted, say everything I have wanted to my loved ones, or even see everyone I have wanted to see at certain times in my life.  I had to learn to let go of these expectations and desires. In fact, my pastor said, to a mostly younger audience, something like, “Don’t wait until you’re old to let go of things. Do it now while you are still young.” He also explained that as one ages, that one has to let go of more things, until things, both literal and figurative, fall out of their grasp. The three main areas I am learning and/or have learned to let go include: a.) past hurts and offenses.  b) my possessions   c.) my expectations, with c , being the toughest for me to release.

When I was even a decade younger, I had the most difficult time letting go of grudges.  I would hold on to internal anger for years, if I deemed the offense serious enough to merit that much wrath.  Every time I would see the person or person that hurt me, I had a mixture of terror and disgust. This grudge-holding greatly impaired my ability to fully be myself even around my closest friends. I was afraid that they, too, would hurt me, like my offender did. However, about a year and a half ago, I was able to finally let go of the grudges I had against several people. I remember that my grudge against one person was so bad, that I thought of how angry and hurt I was, even in church! The anger was so intense; I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. The grudge I had against them became all-consuming.  When I finally saw the light and let go of my grudge, I found that I was able to feel compassion and even love for them. I realized I didn’t want to die holding a grudge against anyone. I wish I had let go of my grudges earlier, because I would have been a much easier person to be around.  I would have become less bitter and less angry. I want to be able to love freely without a barrier between anyone else and me.

I have also been learning how to let go of some of my possessions. One of my friends has had to let go of almost everything he once owned or stewarded, including things he treasured. However, in letting go of these things, he has learned that he is able to love more freely. Through him, and what he has given me, I have learned that it is truly more blessed to give than to receive! Also, over time, certain things that I have had in my possession have either broken or gotten old.  I have also  learned to let go of certain material possessions because I know someone else needed it more than I did.  In my sophomore year of high school, I remember getting really upset because someone had stolen my yearbook with people already having signed it! I recently gave my dad my old mp3 player because he needed one for our last vacation.  Although that one is better than the one I have now, I don’t have much regret because I know that mp3 player will bless my dad.  Over the years, through church and my jobs, I have learned the value of generosity and sharing, and that it is not good to hold on to “stuff” too tightly.  One of the congregants in my church had described the process of letting go of stuff in this analogy:

Everything we own is on a big conveyor belt—our cars, our televisions, our houses, our food, etc. We are also on the conveyor belt enjoying our stuff. The conveyor belt is moving very slowly. In fact, it is moving so slowly, you don’t even realize it’s moving.  But then, at the very end of the conveyor belt is a dumpster. Everything we own is ultimately going to be put in the dumpster—to be thrown away.  Then, we get off the conveyor belt. The ‘getting off’ part signifies our passing from the earth.

The last thing that I am learning to let go (and still struggle with releasing) is my expectations.  I absolutely hate it when circumstances turn out worse than I expect! For instance, I expect a day at work to be easy, but then it turns out to be a really stressful one.  I tend to get upset at God and everyone else when that happens.  One thing that I used to get really upset about is when I expect traffic to be smooth, but it turns out to be very jammed.  However, when I went to where my relatives lived, I had to deal with consistently jammed traffic almost every day I was there. This situation helped me to let go of my expectation that traffic always be smooth every time I wanted to go somewhere, and also appreciate the relatively good traffic system here! Yesterday, I expected to be able to buy a book I needed for a class/bible study I’m taking at church. However, since my pastor (who was substituting for the pastor and teacher of this class/bible study) couldn’t find the books that the teacher had ordered, I will have to wait until at least Sunday to be able to get them. At first I admit I was a bit annoyed, but I quickly was able to enjoy and learn from my pastor without really worrying about the book.  I learned that sometimes I have to adjust and make the best of the situation at hand, and not get upset and complain that things should be different. I also recently learned that even through these tough situations, God is still there for me and will give me the grace to handle these situations in a godly manner. 

Everyone has to let go of, at least, some things in life.  Even though we may not be able to do everything we want, say everything we want to say, or even see our loved ones and friends sometimes, we still can be content in our circumstances by letting go of the expectation that we have to get what we want when we want it.  In letting go, I am realizing more and more, that there is a freedom in just letting things be.  What do you need to let go of today? What are some things that you struggle or have struggled with letting go? Feel free to discuss in comments.

Living In Fear—My Journey Out

I have lived in some fear for most of my life.  Even back to my elementary school days, I was chided by teachers and peers alike for “worrying too much.”  I had severe OCD in my early teen years. Later, some of my anxiety sometimes turned into paranoia. Moreover, in my senior year of high school I was dubbed “most paranoid” by my graduating class.

But God has rescued me out of many of my fears.  Yes, He is the same God that has said, “Do not fear” numerous times in the Bible. 

I recovered from my severe OCD with medication and by slowly trying to reduce the time I spent on my nonsensical rituals. Now, many years later, I barely even remember what the rituals were! God used people and situations in my life to help me to combat the devil’s lies that not doing the rituals would bring me “bad luck”. (Yes, I actually believed that “bad luck” deal! ) God helped me realize that not doing the nonsensical rituals actually freed me to joy and to do what He wanted me to do with my life in the first place.

I also used to be so afraid what people would think of me if they found out that I was on the autistic spectrum and had other struggles.  I tried to hide my struggles from the outside world even before I realized I was on the spectrum.  I was taught by my parents, my culture, and the community around me to not tell anyone about my “dirty laundry.”  I know they all meant well—as they did not want to further expose me to becoming prey to unscrupulous people who may have wanted to take advantage of my openness.  However, I also felt alone and powerless to fight the battles that still raged on in my heart long after the visible symptoms of the struggles had passed.  When the Spirit impressed upon my heart to write about my struggles, I expected people to judge and even reject me, but, at that point, I did not care.  I knew God wanted to use me to bring hope to others struggling similarly.   When I started writing about my struggles, something amazing happened! Not only did God use me in His amazing way, but I also found that most people found my newfound vulnerability refreshing. It opened up the way for them to share their own struggles, and find acceptance and camaraderie with those struggling similarly, including myself.

Sometimes, I would also be afraid of certain people themselves, as when an abuse survivor sees his or her abuser in close proximity to them after going “no contact” for a long time.  This probably stems from an incident where a teacher growled at me and acted threateningly to me when I ran from him in fear.   I still fear people when they yell at me because of this, but thankfully my fear abates within hours, if not only a couple days, of the yelling incident.  God has infused the power of forgiveness and redemption to quell my fears of people yelling at or hurting me.  He has taught me (and continues to teach me) the power of releasing bitterness and replacing it with mercy, compassion and grace.

When I was in school, I used to worry about what would happen the consecutive days, whether it was the fear that I would not pass a test or quiz, or if I was going to get in trouble for something that I may have said or done. Sometimes, I would lay awake for some time worrying about these and other such things. What I learned was that my worries and fears either never came to pass at all, or it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined.  I still struggle with this sometimes, but one major way God has helped me with my fears is redirecting my focus from my circumstances and the “what-ifs” that I fear (like what if I don’t pass that test….or what if I get laid off or fired from my job? ) to His sovereignty and goodness. Now, I am learning how to say, “Even if I don’t pass the test, God will give me a second chance, for example….or even if I got laid off, God will provide me another job.  Even if I get COVID-19, God will use my illness to glorify Himself and bring about good in my life) This has quelled my fears about COVID-19 significantly, and has helped me to trust God’s sovereignty and goodness in my life, no matter what will happen. 

Almost everyone I know has at least one fear, even if they don’t readily acknowledge that fact.  It’s normal, but when fear starts to paralyze your joy and freedom in life, then it needs to leave.  With God’s help, you can conquer your fears and experience the joy and freedom He has for you.

My Journey To Trust

–written on October 1, 2019

I admit that I still carry the scars of having been bullied and abused by certain people in my past.

Thankfully, they are no longer a part of my physical life.

One of the residual effects of anyone who has survived abuse is lack of trust in people, and oftentimes, this translates into a lack of trust in God as well.

In high school, I was voted the “Most paranoid”.

What most of my peers didn’t know was that I trusted people quite easily when I was a little child.

But life and stuff happened.

I still deal with effects of “stuff” today.

I admit that there was an hour of my day today where I failed to trust God and His provision for me.

I thought God was being unfair and relished in making me “suffer”.

But God never gave up on me.

Even when I wanted to give up on Him—and eventually myself, too.

But God stayed with me, pleaded with me, and seemed to say to me, “JUST TRUST ME, PATRICIA!”

However, I thought, “ Will He take advantage of me like many others have? Will He leave like everyone else seems to? “

Then, God whispered these verses into my spirit and heart:

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”–Philippians 4:19 (KJV)

“I will never leave thee, or forsake thee.” –Hebrews 13:5 (KJV)

So, today God took all the broken pieces of my life and put them back together again.

My brother may have moved to Texas…

My friends may move away.

My managers may leave and may never be able to come and visit me again.

My pastors may retire…or find a new calling

But God will always be there through everything and for all of time.

God will also be there for you… even if you, like me, struggle to trust Him sometimes.

God will always give you everything you need.

He may not give you everything you desire,

But He will always give you what is best.

God was my reason of hope today when it seemed that there was almost none.

I know I still will have struggles, but I also know if I remember God’s great love for me, I don’t have to fear anymore.

image by Josh Willink on Pexels

Dying Well

I have been repeatedly reminded in these past few weeks that nothing on earth is going to stay the same or remain forever. To that end, I have also been reminded that one day I will pass from life on this earth, to life in eternity with God.  I have sensed in my heart that God has been whispering to me over and over again, “Patricia, you don’t have much time left.”  The following is the message I believe God is relaying to my heart, and also, I believe, God’s message to all of us, to live life so that we will die well:

I know no one wants to ponder their death. It all seems so depressing and final—but it doesn’t have to be.  Dying well, to me, does not mean having all the toys and grandeurs of this world. One can have that, and still not die well.  Dying well does not just mean being popular and having everyone love you.  To me, dying well means to have lived knowing you have fulfilled your purpose and that God will say to you when you come before Him, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

So, how does one fulfill his or her purpose? Well, first one needs to find out what it is!  I believe that my overarching purpose can be surmised in the Westminster Shorter Catechism, where it says, “The [purpose] of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.” If you are a follower of Christ, that should be your purpose too. 

However, I think God gives us different assignments, if you will, to help us fulfill that purpose, through both our circumstances and the people He puts in our path.  For instance, despite the stresses that my day job brings, I believe He has and continues to use that job as a calling for me to minister to broken and hurting people around me and to strengthen my character.  In this job, I am learning, not only some marketable skills in my job, but also how to be more patient, kind, caring and at peace with life.  I have learned that anxiety gets me nowhere, but trusting God does.  When I cooperate with God in these lessons, I am much better able to fulfill His purposes for me.  When it is my time to depart this world, if I persevere in this and all other assignments He gives me to fulfill His purposes, then I would die well.  

Another example is my faith hero, Rachel Joy Scott. She became a Christian a few years before her death in April 1999, and God used people in her school, her church, and her job to strengthen and build her character and to be a dynamic example for those around her that would be recounted long after she had departed this earth.  Although Rachel died what many consider a tragic death, I think she died well, not because thousands of people came to her funeral, but because of the positive impact she had and continues to have in millions of people’s lives today because of how she had lived her life and fulfilled her God-given purpose.

I believe to truly die well, we must die to self. In fact, in Luke 9:23-24 (KJV), Jesus says, “ If any man should come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.”  Jesus is saying that in order to live, and, ultimately, die well, we have to be willing to give up our selfish desires, ambitions and hopes for the benefit of others.  I can attest to this fact in my own life. When I am thinking selfishly, I often find that I don’t get what I wanted anyway, and my life unravels before me. Not only that, people often lose respect for me, and I become an angry, resentful and bitter mess. However, when I humble myself and submit my desires and ambitions to God, I find that I am more at peace, no matter what my circumstances are, and things often go a lot more smoothly.  I also find the same is true for those around me.  Those around me who complain the most are often, and not just coincidentally, the same people who have not submitted their selfish desires and ambitions to God!  What a miserable way, not only to live, but to die! Many people think that when we die to self, we will live a miserable life and never get to do what we want to do. I won’t lie; sometimes I am tempted to believe this very lie!  However, in reality, the opposite is most often true.  When we are willing to sacrifice for others, we become more fulfilled in our God-given purpose and are more likely to be content with our lives, rather if we just lived for ourselves and our desires.

Another part of dying to self is being willing to serve others. Helping others not only encourages us to keep the focus off ourselves, it also makes us more content and fulfilled with our lives, because we sense we are making a positive contribution to this world. For instance, when I work to focus on making the customers satisfied and happy with our products and service, I find I feel much more confident and willing to serve them, rather than if I am focused on just checking something off my list. Dying well, means having died knowing that you served others the best you could, and were not just out for yourself.

In order to truly die well, I believe we must strive daily to fulfill our God-given purpose for this life, deny ourselves, and be willing to live to serve God and others with a whole heart.  As God has said in my heart, repeatedly, “You don’t have much time left.”  Yes, we don’t have as much time left as we may perceive in our minds, but we can use what is left to make sure we die well, and full of purpose.  

Butterfly

You thought no one would want you

You thought you were hideous

That none would truly love you

That you were doomed forever

 

But then you saw a bright light

Someone who saw your beauty

And not just an ugly sight

Giving you true hope inside

 

Despite all you have gone through

You are a true butterfly

And I will always love you

And the beauty inside you