credos, eternal matters, goals, God, life, life lessons, love, purpose, stories, suffering, thankfulness, truth

Lessons God Has Taught Me: A Year in Review

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This year has been an adventure for me, in both good and bad ways, but God has still been working in the midst of it all. While God has worked, He has also taught me so much about how to live life in the midst of the chaos that is this world. Here are some of the things God taught me this year:

1) Be grateful for what you have.–In mid-February of this year, much of the city where I lived in, including my family, experienced either a water or electricity (or both) outage for days on end. Before this past winter, I took water and electricity for granted. I did not think about the precious commodity that water and electricity are. I was extremely grateful that during that time, our electricity still worked. However, we did not have running water for about 5 days. Thankfully, God provided snow for us to be able to boil so that we had water to at least flush the toilets.

2) Be compassionate and patient with others.– God showed me the pain and suffering some of the people around me are facing this year, either by the person relating their pain to me or through another person relating that someone they know was going through a tragedy, illness, or emotional distress. Through this, God taught me to be more compassionate to what others may be going through and not get easily angered or upset when people inconvenience me or are rude to me. God also taught me through this that when people snap at me for no good reason, sometimes their anger is not really about me, but about what they are going through at the moment. I don’t need to take it personally, or that they are spiteful.

3) Don’t be so anxious.–God has really been working to help me become less anxious. He allowed me to experience a drop in my performance to test my reaction to it. In the past, when my performance dropped below my expectations (note: NOT my managers’ expectations) or a certain number, I got really worked up and had an upset anxiety to my demeanor. Now when that happens, I may get slightly annoyed, but I do not really think too much about it anymore other than to try better next time. I also learned to anticipate these and other anxiety-provoking situations better, and plan what to do in case an anxiety trigger happens next time, so I don’t completely freak out.

Overall, I think this has been a good year for me, despite still being in a pandemic. I not only learned to be more grateful, to be more compassionate and more patient (but still learning continuously), and to be less anxious, but I also found some places where I could belong and to impact the world for the better.

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bullying, caring, community, credos, emodiversity, eternal matters, genuineness, goals, God, heroes, life, life lessons, pain, purpose, stories, suffering, thankfulness, truth

Surviving Verbal and Psychological Assault

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This is for those who have bore the scars of harsh words and been a target of one who believed the lie that sticks and stones would break their bones, but words would not hurt them…but they still do.

This is for those who have believed the lies of their abusers and bullies that they are not worth anything to this world, and so struggle to find their purpose and their self-worth in life.

This is for those who have tried time and again to accomplish their goals and dreams, but have gotten discouraged and are tempted to give up because of their naysayers and seemingly insurmountable obstacles in their way.

This is for those who want to help a loved one, a friend, an acquaintance or others who have endured verbal assault and abuse and don’t know how.

I can relate to all of you, as I bear the psychological and emotional scars of years of verbal assaults and bullying by some peers and authority figures. I don’t tell my story so that you will feel sorry for me. I tell this story because I am a survivor and hope that by sharing it that other survivors will also triumph over their abusers and be empowered to believe the beautiful truth that God has told them about themselves, and not the verbal assaults and lies of their abusers. I was told by an authority figure that I would never drive and basically not amount to anything. I was told in so many words that I would probably never hold a full time job, that part-time was already an accomplishment for me. I was mocked by several managers when I first learned to operate a register about 15 years ago, because I did so poorly. I was told by a “friend” that I shouldn’t learn to operate a register about a couple years ago because she didn’t think I could handle rude customers or the functions of a register. I was constantly bullied in elementary and middle school about my appearance, race and other things that I had little or no control over.

Today, I still bear some of the psychological and emotional scars of the verbal abuse that I had endured. However, God put several people in my life who helped me to heal and to finally achieve what my abusers and bullies thought I could not. Because of these and other encouragers, I am happy to say that I am on the road to recovery.

Two of the people that came in my life were my mentor Jane* and my former manager Elizabeth*. They both believed in me when others did not. They saw what I could be, and not what I used to be or was. When I asked Elizabeth if I could train to be on the registers, she allowed me to train at least once a week for about 20-30 minutes. Not only that, but she allowed me ample time to acquaint myself with the functions of the register until I could do it efficiently and accurately. She was patient with me and my anxieties, unlike my ex-friend and others who basically told me to just give up on my dreams. My mentor Jane helped me to silence the naysayers and verbal abusers that were in my life by instilling in me a dogged determination and motivation to chase after my dreams. She never gave up on me, or let me give up on myself. For instance, she called various employment agencies to help me get a job in the first place and pushed me to learn how to drive myself without being afraid of failure or getting into an accident. When I got my first job (albeit part-time), I was already immensely grateful to Jane of what she had helped me accomplish. Then, I got another part time job that about seven months later became full time, and that is where I have been ever since. I am extremely indebted to her that I have been able to stay with the company I am at for over five years, which is almost an eternity in retail.

I have learned so much from these two amazing and gracious women. One of the most important things I learned from them is to never give up on yourself even if everyone else gives up on you. To anyone who still has self-worth issues because of the verbal abuse you have endured: Do not give up on yourself! You are not worth what these abusers say you are. They have critical spirits. My pastor said (and I agree with him) that a critical spirit is one who say things to others in order to destroy them or tear them down. Often what is coming out of the mouths of those with a critical spirit towards you are lies from the pit of hell itself. In fact, in John 10:10 (KJV), Jesus referring to the devil as a thief, says Satan comes “but for to steal, and to kill and to destroy.” You could say that the people putting you down with a critical spirit are working with the devil! Don’t believe them. The devil is a defeated foe! And so will everyone who works with him to tear others down.

More importantly, these women have taught me that God can still use people who have failed or don’t meet the expectations of others. During the time when I was too afraid to drive and was struggling to find consistent work, I never thought God could use me the way He has. I thought I was going to have to rely on others for almost everything and that I was never going to make any real contribution to society. However, God has proven over and over again that He works miracles and that there is hope to overcome past trauma and failures and learn from them. It may be a long road to healing, but even starting on that path is very much worth it as I can attest today. Even telling your story of how you survived past trauma and lived to tell about it is a big accomplishment.

I hope by telling my story that those who have endured abuse and survived will share their stories of how they have endured and triumphed and give hope to others who are still struggling and are still being oppressed by their abusers. Because by telling our stories, we have the power to create awareness of what our abusers wanted to silence for so long.

*=names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people mentioned.

anthem, credos, errors, eternal matters, genuineness, goals, God, inspiration, life, life lessons, pain, peace, positivity, purpose, stories, suffering, thankfulness, truth

Fear Is a Liar

I love my friend’s podcast. He has given me so much insight about life and hope for my own. One of the things I remember him saying in the podcast was how society/people in life have ingrained fear into our lives. I realize now that many of the fears that I instilled in myself and that society has instilled in me are lies from the pit of hell. They have crept into my life, wrecking havoc and paralyzing me to the point where the joy of life was sucked out from beneath me.

One of the biggest fears that I have continually struggled with is fear of failure. I fear losing my job so much that I did everything in my power to be the best at everything at my job, and when I failed, I went into a meltdown. When I did poorly in a school assignment, sometimes I would hide my bad grades from my parents, not only so that they wouldn’t get upset at me, but also because of the shame that I felt from my bad grade. I do everything in my power to be Christlike sometimes, not to glorify God, but because I am afraid of what would happen if I failed. Would I get kicked out of church? Would I ruin my testimony so much that God would not be able to use me anymore for any good in others’ lives or even my own? Even with this fear of failure, there have already been times when I have failed in each of these areas. I believe God is teaching me that even if I fail, He can still use me and my failures for my good and for His glory. Even if I do lose my job, either because I got fired or laid off for some reason, God will inevitably lead me to another one or provide another way for my needs to be met. God is teaching me that even if I try my best at work and fail, that there will be other days to make it up. Also, if I continue doing my best at work and in life, God will inevitably bless and grow me into a reflection of His image and character.

Another fear that I have struggled with for so long is fear of what others may think of me. Another word for this is “fear of man”. I have constantly tried to please others so that people would think much of me and so I wouldn’t lose their love and respect. However, when people saw my flaws, some of them proved that they didn’t really like the Real Me anyway. God has been teaching me that it is not beneficial or right for me to vie for the love of people all the time, that everyone has different expectations, and that some people are just not good confidants for me. God is also teaching me to let go of those relationships which neither the other person nor me can be built up, and to nurture those where I am more free to be myself and where I have opportunities to build the other person up.

Yet another fear I have struggled with since childhood is the fear of suffering. I have been afraid of suffering because I am afraid that I would not handle it well and that it would last, in my mind, “too long.” However, God has been reminding me that it does get better and that I need to trust Him more when I am in the midst of a trial instead of questioning His care and love for me. God also reminds me that He can help me overcome the trial and help me to be able to glorify Him through it.

When I think of being free from these fears, I feel so much exhilarating joy and hope! When I am free from my fears, I can then be completely who God made me to be, without fear of the repercussions of it, because I know He will be pleased.

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community, credos, death, eternal matters, genuineness, goals, God, illness, joy, life, life lessons, pain, positivity, purpose

My Journey From Dark to Light

April 1999 was one of the darkest months of my life. Not only did my future faith hero, Rachel Joy Scott, die during this month, but I was ready to throw in the towel on my own life as well. In fact, in one of my journal entries, dated April 9 of that year, I had written: I feel dead without being physically killed. I hope I don’t die emotionally, but I am dying. […] If I could only find that zest, that greatness, life is supposed to hold. But where is it, at least in me?

To the outside world, I had it easy, but inside I was crumbling at the seams. Not only was my academic load at school getting heavier and more pressured, but I also had to deal with an abusive teacher that nearly killed my soul. Moreover, I felt alienated from my family and felt that they couldn’t relate to my problems, and I had few friends, and theydidn’t know me well enough to really delve into the pain I held deep inside. Feelings of insecurity, hopelessness and overwhelm. I never imagined that I would ever make anything out of my life, as my verbally abusive teacher had claimed in so many words to me. I had little hope that my circumstances would ever improve or that anything would be or could be any different.

But when Jesus rescued me from the pit of despair and disillusionment the next year, He would change my life forever. I would find that zest life was supposed to hold, but it wasn’t in me. It was in Him!

How did Jesus change my life? How did He help me? Well, as the Anne Wilson song goes, “Let me tell you about my Jesus” and how He changed me.

Nearly twenty one years later, I sit in my room, and despite back pain, I am content with my life. Jesus has brought many supportive people into my life who have been there for me through the ups and downs of my life recently. I do want my physical pain to end and to be the end of all pain and suffering in this world, not only for me, but for all those around me. However, I know and trust that Jesus is with me through it and that He will give me the strength I need to persevere and to live for His glory.

Recently, my former pastor wrote me something that I thought was very wise and gives me hope in trials: Remember as believers our suicide is dying for self and living for Christ. Why not consider yourself dead and obey God?

So here I am, twenty one years later, still dealing with physical pain and in the grips of pandemic protocol, while Jesus is stripping away the selfish, insecure, overwhelmed, feeling-hopeless me, into a bright light that shines to the world for Him.

Jesus can change anyone’s life. Even if you feel that your circumstances will never change, remember how God entered into my life twenty years ago and transformed my life forever. He can do the same for you!

If you or someone you love is feeling hopeless or suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at: 800-273-8255. There IS hope when you are alive,. and there is help out there!

caring, community, credos, emodiversity, eternal matters, genuineness, God, hiding, illness, inspiration, integrity, life, life lessons, love, pain, positivity, purpose, stories

The Sabbatical

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I can somewhat relate to Simone Biles, but on a smaller scale, of course. I can relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed and being pressured to be the Best by oneself and those around you. I can also relate to the feeling that you have let everyone down if and when you fail. I can relate to the burdens of having to conform to 1,080 (a hyperbolic estimate) or so expectations of you placed by those around you. However, God used my feelings of stress and overwhelm to teach me many things about being human and coming back stronger.

Last year, in late October, I became so overwhelmed with the pressures and stress of work that I had to take a leave of absence from work. I had just moved from the state where I lived in all my life, about six months prior, and suddenly I felt like everyone had just abandoned me because I didn’t meet their expectations. Additionally, since this was in the midst of the pandemic, I could not attend church or meet new people. I thought my life was over.

However, even though I had significant stress even in my leave, one of the good things God brought me from this situation is to make time for self-care. Often, Olympic athletes like Simon Biles and Kerri Strug are pressured to do so much for others’ viewing pleasure that they are forced to neglect rest and self-care. This needs to change. The Bible says self-love is wrong and is one of the negative qualities listed in 2 Timothy 4. However, I don’t think the Bible means that taking care of one’s physical and emotional health is wrong. What I think was meant by that passage in 2 Timothy is one that is self-indulgent to the point where they neglect others’ needs or that they love themselves in such a way that they become vain and self-serving. Also, not taking care of one’s own emotional and physical needs in order to meet someone else’s expectations could also be considered the self-love that is condemned in the Bible because we are withholding part of ourselves just so that people would see us a certain way or as stronger than we really are.

Another good thing that I learned during my time off work last year is to not worry so much about other people’s expectations of me. One of the things my friend Alex taught me is to be more comfortable in being who God has created me to be, and to weed out those who try to change me into the image that they think I should be. What if we valued these Olympic athletes, and more importantly, those we say we love and cherish the most, by demonstrating in word and deed that they are loved unconditionally? After all, the Lord also loves us unconditionally. It even says in Romans 5:8, “ But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (KJV).” Even when we were yet sinners, God loved us. Even when we were actively rejecting Him and His ways, He still loved us.

I still struggle with not worrying about others’ expectations of me, but I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. I am becoming more confident in how God made me, and this has in turn made me more able to minister to others who are struggling.

Through this trial, God also taught me to not be paralyzed by my fears. He has helped me through times even more recently where I felt like my performance at work wasn’t as good as it could be, and not delve into the belief that I am a complete failure. God has made me realize that being true to myself and glorifying Him are more important than meeting all the metrics that people may expect me to meet. Yes, I still want to do the best I can at work performance-wise, but I don’t want to stress if I cannot do as well as I (or others) may expect or want of me. I can also remember what one of my managers said to me, “ I assure you that all of the management team know your work ethic and how consistent you are so don’t stress out if you have a slower [performance] occasionally.”

I also wish all the Olympians and anyone else who feels pressured to perform at a certain rate would know that it is OK to fail sometimes or not be able to be the Best all the time. I wish those around them would remind them that they are still worthy as human beings even when they show vulnerabilities and shortcomings because we all do. No human is perfect, but every human has intrinsic value. That is what I ultimately learned during my time off work last year.

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credos, death, errors, eternal matters, forgiveness, inspiration, life, life lessons, peace, positivity, purpose, suffering, truth

What I am Learning About Letting Go

originally written: September 7, 2018

Edited: April 25, 2021

Dedicated to my friend Alex, who taught me how to let go of all that holds me back and to love freely

I have found that as I go through life, I have not been able to do everything that I wanted, say everything I have wanted to my loved ones, or even see everyone I have wanted to see at certain times in my life.  I had to learn to let go of these expectations and desires. In fact, my pastor said, to a mostly younger audience, something like, “Don’t wait until you’re old to let go of things. Do it now while you are still young.” He also explained that as one ages, that one has to let go of more things, until things, both literal and figurative, fall out of their grasp. The three main areas I am learning and/or have learned to let go include: a.) past hurts and offenses.  b) my possessions   c.) my expectations, with c , being the toughest for me to release.

When I was even a decade younger, I had the most difficult time letting go of grudges.  I would hold on to internal anger for years, if I deemed the offense serious enough to merit that much wrath.  Every time I would see the person or person that hurt me, I had a mixture of terror and disgust. This grudge-holding greatly impaired my ability to fully be myself even around my closest friends. I was afraid that they, too, would hurt me, like my offender did. However, about a year and a half ago, I was able to finally let go of the grudges I had against several people. I remember that my grudge against one person was so bad, that I thought of how angry and hurt I was, even in church! The anger was so intense; I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. The grudge I had against them became all-consuming.  When I finally saw the light and let go of my grudge, I found that I was able to feel compassion and even love for them. I realized I didn’t want to die holding a grudge against anyone. I wish I had let go of my grudges earlier, because I would have been a much easier person to be around.  I would have become less bitter and less angry. I want to be able to love freely without a barrier between anyone else and me.

I have also been learning how to let go of some of my possessions. One of my friends has had to let go of almost everything he once owned or stewarded, including things he treasured. However, in letting go of these things, he has learned that he is able to love more freely. Through him, and what he has given me, I have learned that it is truly more blessed to give than to receive! Also, over time, certain things that I have had in my possession have either broken or gotten old.  I have also  learned to let go of certain material possessions because I know someone else needed it more than I did.  In my sophomore year of high school, I remember getting really upset because someone had stolen my yearbook with people already having signed it! I recently gave my dad my old mp3 player because he needed one for our last vacation.  Although that one is better than the one I have now, I don’t have much regret because I know that mp3 player will bless my dad.  Over the years, through church and my jobs, I have learned the value of generosity and sharing, and that it is not good to hold on to “stuff” too tightly.  One of the congregants in my church had described the process of letting go of stuff in this analogy:

Everything we own is on a big conveyor belt—our cars, our televisions, our houses, our food, etc. We are also on the conveyor belt enjoying our stuff. The conveyor belt is moving very slowly. In fact, it is moving so slowly, you don’t even realize it’s moving.  But then, at the very end of the conveyor belt is a dumpster. Everything we own is ultimately going to be put in the dumpster—to be thrown away.  Then, we get off the conveyor belt. The ‘getting off’ part signifies our passing from the earth.

The last thing that I am learning to let go (and still struggle with releasing) is my expectations.  I absolutely hate it when circumstances turn out worse than I expect! For instance, I expect a day at work to be easy, but then it turns out to be a really stressful one.  I tend to get upset at God and everyone else when that happens.  One thing that I used to get really upset about is when I expect traffic to be smooth, but it turns out to be very jammed.  However, when I went to where my relatives lived, I had to deal with consistently jammed traffic almost every day I was there. This situation helped me to let go of my expectation that traffic always be smooth every time I wanted to go somewhere, and also appreciate the relatively good traffic system here! Yesterday, I expected to be able to buy a book I needed for a class/bible study I’m taking at church. However, since my pastor (who was substituting for the pastor and teacher of this class/bible study) couldn’t find the books that the teacher had ordered, I will have to wait until at least Sunday to be able to get them. At first I admit I was a bit annoyed, but I quickly was able to enjoy and learn from my pastor without really worrying about the book.  I learned that sometimes I have to adjust and make the best of the situation at hand, and not get upset and complain that things should be different. I also recently learned that even through these tough situations, God is still there for me and will give me the grace to handle these situations in a godly manner. 

Everyone has to let go of, at least, some things in life.  Even though we may not be able to do everything we want, say everything we want to say, or even see our loved ones and friends sometimes, we still can be content in our circumstances by letting go of the expectation that we have to get what we want when we want it.  In letting go, I am realizing more and more, that there is a freedom in just letting things be.  What do you need to let go of today? What are some things that you struggle or have struggled with letting go? Feel free to discuss in comments.

anthem, caring, eternal matters, goals, God, inspiration, joy, life, life lessons, love, positivity, purpose, stories, truth, work

How Passion and Purpose Bring Joy

I have struggled on and off with depression for a long time. Thankfully, God put several people in my life that showed me how to have passion and purpose in my life. Having passion and purpose in my life has motivated me to work harder and with more joy than ever before.  This has caused my depression to dissipate significantly.

However, lack of passion and purpose can exacerbate the symptoms of depression. I see many people in today’s society just going to work to pay the bills, and for not much else. Consequently, when they have to do something they don’t like or when a co-worker or client really pushes their buttons, they become angry and/or miserable.  The same goes with students who are in school only because “their parents or guardians forced them.” They typically don’t have motivation to work hard and be the best they can be.  Moreover, their attitude shows that they can’t wait to graduate or somehow get out of school.

When I was in elementary school, I had to complete an assignment that I loathed. At the time, I had the attitude of many of the students who feel forced to go to school and do homework.  Basically, I refused to do the assigned work until my grade for the class would suffer if I didn’t. So, finally, I had to force myself to do the work. Miraculously, I was able to pass the class! After that, I learned a major life lesson that I have strived to carry throughout my life—Sometimes you have to do work you don’t like. Do not try to procrastinate or avoid doing it. Do it first and well enough so it’s out of the way.

When I was in a Bible Study group several months ago, I learned another lesson of passion and purpose that has helped me maintain joy at my job. The lesson can be summed up in this quote by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, “Learn to love what must be done.”  That is, find joy in the work you are doing now.  Several days ago, I was initially perturbed and not very happy because they had assigned me to down stack totes, and I thought I was assigned that because I was not performing well at work.  Also, that was my least favorite part of the job. However, after one of my managers assured me that I wasn’t in trouble, I decided to find joy in this task by doing the best I could do.  This motivation to do well eventually made this task a bit more joyful and motivating to me! 

Some people may think to themselves, “Why should I do my best if I don’t get a tangible reward for it?”  First of all, even if you do get a tangible reward for good work, it will eventually disappear in some way, whether it would be consumed, stolen, broken or spent (as in the case with money). Nothing tangible or material will last forever.  Second of all, when you know you have done your best, you can acknowledge that fact within yourself. Don’t listen to people who try to criticize your best efforts, especially if you know they are unwarranted.  Finally, when you consistently do your best job, your work quality will eventually improve and you will be more respected, if even only for your work ethic.  This happened to me at a job many years ago before I had to quit. Even though the manager wasn’t pleased at how slow I was going, he did acknowledge that I was still working hard.  Many years later, I am motivated to work hard because I know it will eventually  lead to my work quality getting better.

Another way to find passion and purpose in your life is to have a thirst for learning. Beware of jobs where you are not allowed to even learn new things within your own department.  If you are having trouble at school in a certain class or at work with your performance in a certain area, learn as much as you can about that area or subject in order to improve your work.  For instance, one of the areas I had struggled in retail is cashiering. A couple years ago, I decided to train as a backup cashier, as maybe I would improve in this area.  After several months of training, I became confident enough to cashier on my own, and became one of the few registered trained associates, aside from the regular cashiers, in my store!  This brought me so much joy and a sense of accomplishment, especially since not everyone believed I was able to handle that job!

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, find a purpose that drives your entire life. Make sure that purpose will bring you lasting joy and fulfillment.  My purpose in life can be summed up in the Westminster’s Confession, which says,” Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.”  Glorifying and enjoying God has brought me much joy, not only in my job, but also in my interactions with other. Glorifying God has freed me up to love others as He has loved me, without having to work so hard to impress other people to get them to like me.  Enjoying God has helped me trust in His love more and to appreciate all that He has done for me and all that He is to me.  Most importantly, my purpose in life has helped motivate me every day to continue to persevere in life even when I am tempted to give up.  Eventually, this perseverance reaps its rewards and brings me joy.  When we have that kind of passion and purpose in life we will yield great joy.

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay
caring, emodiversity, eternal matters, forgiveness, God, hiding, illness, life, life lessons, love, pain, positivity, regrets, stories, suffering, truth, work

Running Towards the Light

Photo by Steve Johnson from Pexels

written 11/27/2020, Edited: 12/03/2020, by Patricia A. Go

About a month ago today, I was in a deep dungeon of darkness—that was full of scary pictures of what my future would look like, as well as pent up anger and despair of the person I had become under months of demands and major changes in my life.  I couldn’t keep any food down, and I had trouble falling asleep at night. Days later, I also began to have nightmares about work.  This evolved to anger at almost everyone around me, including God, who I blamed for allowing these circumstances.   I wanted to run away and hide. I wanted to give up on life, and everyone that had hurt me, as I held on to bitterness, anger and resentment tighter and tighter. I was too terrified to go back to the place that I felt began my journey into the dungeon.  I shook with fear even at anything that resembled that place.

Until a week ago…

Last week was Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of gratitude and honoring God and one another. However, I was still too consumed by bitterness, fear and anger to think about being grateful for much of anything. 

The Holy Spirit, because He is relentless in His love and truth, continually prodded me to forgive and/or let go of bitterness that I had against several people He brought to my mind, especially this one person.  I did not want to let go and forgive.  I thought if I did, I would open up myself to more hurt.  The cycle of the Holy Spirit’s prodding and my resistance went on almost throughout the whole day.  By the end of the day, I had a small desire to forgive this person, but there was an invisible roadblock that prevented me from obeying the Spirit. I knew I was grieving the Spirit, but I still was not in the place to forgive. Still, I was desperate to know how I could get over the roadblock, so I could finally stop grieving God.

At around 6:30 that night, I texted a friend to see if he had answers, but he was busy. So, I turned to YouTube, and finally found a video of a Christian speaker, Mark Ballenger, giving me the answer to the question of how to forgive from a biblical perspective.  To make a long story short, he said that we should forgive the people that have hurt us because of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross for us. Ballenger said that God deserves our obedience of forgiving the person that hurt us. The offender may not deserve our forgiveness, but God deserves our faith in forgiving the offender. 

After watching this video and reading over something on forgiveness that one of my friends had given me, I decided it was time to forgive this person who I held bitterness and anger against for these past weeks.  So, I finally obeyed, and this huge weight was lifted off me.

Then, the next day, I called the person and apologized to them for holding bitterness and anger against them and several others.  I felt so free.  Not only was I able to reconcile with this person, but my whole outlook on life changed as well. I was no longer afraid of the place which had caused me so much trauma and pain a month ago. 

Like Job, God has blessed me much on the other side of the pain that I endured.  Through the hurt, pain, turmoil, and trial, God was always there and never gave up on me. 

 I am nearing what I hope to be the end of this dark, long tunnel of this past month.  I am finally running towards the Light.

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How to Help Someone With Depression or Anxiety (including what NOT to say)

I have had struggles with depression and anxiety for many years, but during the past five years things have really started to improve dramatically, despite some challenging circumstances, such as having to move out of state for the first time in my entire life!  I would like to thank those people who have stuck by me through my life’s journey and encouraged me to never give up.  These same people have also taught me how to encourage, validate, and strengthen others who also, like me, struggle with depression and/or anxiety. 

I am a born perfectionist, not so much for others, but definitely for myself.  I broke down in tears the other day at work because the pressure of performing at a certain rate and the anxiety of not meeting the goals I (and, I thought, the managers) set for me at the time.  I dreaded disappointing them. I was afraid that they would think less of me as a person, or think that I wasn’t trying hard enough. The truth was that I had become so fixated on performing that my drive was starting to suck out the joy and motivation to even work!  Anxiety was starting to take over even before I clocked in to work.  However, one of my managers, Jim,* validated my presence and my character.  He made it clear that he did not expect me to perform at that rate every day, and it was OK to have bad days sometimes.  When someone is anxious, especially about not doing or being enough, a good way to calm their anxieties is to reassure them that you value them no matter what they do.  Also, validate something in their character that has nothing to do with what they are anxious about. For instance, Jim complimented me on how I make people joyful inside. 

However, I know from experience that there are things that you should never say to someone struggling with depression and anxiety. I had someone tell another person trying to calm my anxieties and depression not to “baby” me.  Never disparage someone struggling as “weak,” “babyish,” or “silly.” They already have low self-esteem, and may even have suicidal thoughts.  If you feel emotionally overloaded trying to help someone with depression and/or anxiety, don’t. Instead, enlist the help of another person who is better able to help them. 

Another way to help someone struggling with depression and anxiety is to invest in them and believe in their abilities. When someone is clinically depressed, they feel like they are in a deep, dark tunnel with no way out.  They don’t typically see their God-given abilities and talents. If someone is anxious about themselves, they may think that trying anything new or that they haven’t done in a while will result in catastrophic failure, so why try? My mentor J saw that I was depressed and didn’t want to get out of the house much.  I did not believe that I would ever get a job or do anything worthy in my life.  Thankfully, she saw a way out of my deep, dark tunnel of doubt and despair, and walked me through the long, but worthy process of helping me gain independence and be employed. She invested in me and believed in my God-given abilities.  When we take the time and effort to invest in someone struggling with depression and anxiety, we will most likely see a slow, but steady growth in that person.  They will be able to have hope and joy again. I can’t speak for J, but her investment has made a huge impact on how I view life and my challenges.  So far, even though I still get anxious and depressed sometimes, my episodes don’t last as long and are not as severe as before I met her.

Sometimes, the best way to help a depressed or anxious person is just to be there for and listen to them.  One of my online friends did not think she was doing much because she felt that she wasn’t able to completely get me out of my depressive episode.  She did more than many people offline I know. She didn’t have to say anything. She did not make things worse by offering unsolicited and unhelpful advice.  She just listened. Sometimes that is all that the person struggling needs at the time—someone that will care enough to listen and to be there for them, when no one else seems to be there.

Finally, we can pray for those struggling with depression and anxiety. We can pray for God’s presence to flood them. We can ask God to help them see His sovereignty and caring hand in the situation that they are in so their anxieties would be quelled.  We can ask God to help them see the hope and joy that awaits them if they put their trust in Him and do not give up on their lives.

If you are struggling now, there is a way out even if it doesn’t seem that way right now.  Don’t give up. If you are recovering, make it a point to help others out of the tunnel of darkness and help them see the Light of Joy and Love.  There is always hope when you are alive.

*=not his real name

caring, eternal matters, life, life lessons, purpose, work

Why Rest is Necessary and Good

After weeks of built up stress and anxiety, my world collapsed. I felt abandoned, exhausted and full of despair and heartbreak. I won’t go into excruciating details, but suffice it to say if anything good has come out of my most recent trial it’s the realization that I need to take God’s directive to rest more seriously.

I thought if I approached my work and my life with a passionate demeanor that I would not ever approach mental exhaustion and burnout. I was wrong. I realized at work, especially, that I regularly took the work of 3 people and thus, most of the managers that I had, had high expectations of me. However, regularly working a high workload with no vacation time and high demands are a combination for disaster for anyone, but especially someone on the spectrum like me.

Rest will look different for every person, but it is imperative that everyone take a rest from the things that burden and weigh them down. Rest can be physical sleep, or it can be temporary or permanent emotional distance from someone or something that is stressing you out. For instance, when a work project is stressing you out, taking a 15 minute or so break from it can clear your mind and help you maintain your sanity. In another situation, I had to make a clean break from a “friend” who was continually stressing me out and giving me anxiety every time I saw her.

This is why I recommend everybody that is working right now to take all your breaks that you are legally entitled to under state and company law. If a manager or an associate acting as a manager refuses to allow you to take a break, you can take it to a higher level manager or if all other options are exhausted, to your state’s (or country’s) labor agency. I know in high stress environments it’s always a race to get things done by X time, but if you are not healthy or alert, things will get messed up and slow things down anyway. Also, never “save” all your vacation days. Yes, save some of it, and try not to waste them. However, a person also needs time to rest from labor. This is why there is a Labor Day in the U.S. This is not only to honor those who work, but also to remind ourselves that we need rest from our labors.

Finally, take a rest from expectations and demands, both self-imposed and those implied or percipitated by others. This does not mean to rebel against rules and regulations that must be followed, but it means to not worry too much about how other people perceive you when you are already doing the best you can. It also means not to set too high a bar for yourself that you set yourself up for failure. I regularly fell apart under the weight of both my own demands and how others would perceive me when I failed. In my job, I have to perform at least 100 PR to be considered “good,” but I ended up being so trapped by a PR number, that if I performed below 130 PR, I got upset at myself. I felt pressured both externally and internally to perform at higher and higher standards until the work became anxiety-provoking and aggravating. I believe if my coworkers and I did not know our PR for even a day, or it was not counted for let’s say a week, people would feel free to work more carefully and not just so fast, taking shortcuts, that they messed up a customer’s order or did not follow rules and regulations of the company.

So, rest is vital to not only our work environment, but also our well-being and our state of mind. Rest clears the mind of its needless clutter and it brings peace and comfort to the soul and body. Rest is also being obedient to the Fifth of Ten Commandments, which is to rest from our labors on Sabbath day, a day each week you designate in your heart to devote to God and rest in Him. Rest is necessary for a healthy and vibrant soul.