Even though most of us would consider ourselves to be pretty trustworthy people, as time goes on, it seems that we are able to trust other people less. Whether it is the fear mongering in our society, or just long-held perceptions we have of certain professions, ethnic groups, or other human identifiers, society as a whole is growing increasingly fearful and suspicious of one another. In fact, a study done, which was referenced by Josh Morgan, a sociologist who wrote a recent article in Reader’s Digest, showed that in 2016, fewer than one in three people agreed that “most people could be trusted,” whereas almost 50 years ago, more than half of the surveyed people thought that “most people could be trusted.” In the article, Morgan also stated that he wanted to help people to be able to trust again (Morgan, 96). Both he and I can probably attest, that a positive change like that starts with the person looking back at you in the mirror. We need to be sure that we are cultivating trustworthiness, not only to ourselves, but also to others. Here are some qualities of trustworthiness that we all (me included) should strive to practice every day:
- Be honest.—Most people tend to be honest only when it would be convenient for them to do so, or if they don’t find reason to lie. However, when we are inconvenienced by telling the truth, that is when we tend to lie. For instance, you find $100 in a wallet near a parked car and no one is around you. What would you do? Many people, in my opinion, would take the money for themselves, because they fear if they were honest they wouldn’t get the money or a tangible reward for being honest. Also, if we make a mistake that could cost us our jobs, do we tell our supervisor or keep quiet and hope no one notices, or deny it when asked? Many people would do the latter two things. However, I strive when I can, to let the supervisor know about the mistakes that I make, especially when it could be a real determent to the company. Even when honesty can cost your reputation or job, we still should strive not to lie or fudge the truth because we will eventually be found out anyway. Even though many of the people who were accused of sexual impropriety had tried to hide or deny the allegations for many years, eventually many of them were found out. Also, the people who tried to sweep the allegations under the rug, so to speak, were found out! I have found that most people who lie tend to think that they will never be caught. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Eventually, their real selves will show and less and less people will ever trust them again.
- Limit Gossip.—I have heard so much gossip in my many years working in various places, it isn’t even funny. This gossip, inevitably, has caused some drama and hurt feelings sometimes. I have found that when others (or, even, regrettably, I) have gossiped or slandered someone else, it is because either we don’t like that person or persons, or those people have made us upset in some way. That is why I believe that when you have a problem with someone, it is best to take it up with them first. If you already have and they don’t respond well or are gossipers themselves, then take it with the proper authorities. For instance, I had a situation where I tried to explain to someone my actions, but they took it as me trying to be sneaky and manipulative. However, I did take it to the authorities and the people involved in the incident first. I have also had some people at work tell me unfavorable things about either a co-worker or a manager that they didn’t like. I wonder how many of them had tried to resolve the issue they were having with said person first before they came to me and others about the problem and person. If we are either too stressed or upset to deal with the person or situation, we should either talk with a counselor or the proper authorities. Otherwise, we should always try to work things out with the person we are having problems with first, and not try to bad mouth the person to others who are not involved in the incident, and cannot help you resolve the situation with said person.
- Check your motives.—A vital element of being trustworthy is taking a good, long look in the mirror. I don’t mean looking your outer appearance, but who you are inside. Avoid doing things, whenever possible, with impure motives or with duplicity. For instance, never feign a friendship or relationship with another person just to get something for your own gain. When you are friends with someone, be sure you are being with that person for their sake also and because you can bring something of value to their life. Whenever you want to do something good for someone else, ask yourself why you are doing it. That way, if you have any impure motives, you can resolve them before it becomes an issue for that other person. For instance, if you want to donate money for a friend’s cause, just so that they will spend more time with you, but you look introspectively and discover this duplicity in yourself, then you may decide not to donate until your motives are purified. Also, you may decide later to donate, but also to support your friend, not just so he or she would spend more time with you.
- Build Relationships.—Another element of being trustworthy is to build relationships with others. This doesn’t just mean talking to others occasionally or making small talk. Building relationships means really getting to know others and their life stories. It means caring for others’ needs and desires, and sometimes being willing to sacrifice yourself or your desires for their sake. When you strive to build relationships and be unified with those around you, you will ultimately be more trusted.
When we are honest, are not gossiping or slandering others, checking our motives for doing what we do to make sure they are pure and righteous, and when we strive to build relationships, we will ultimately be even more trustworthy than we think ourselves now. It is interesting to note that when we ourselves strive to be trustworthy, we are usually able to better trust the people around us too. Trust will then cultivate a pure love that will last.
Sources: Morgan, Josh. (June 2018), Learning to Trust Again. Reader’s Digest.1141, 95-99.