How To Be Trustworthy

Even though most of us would consider ourselves to be pretty trustworthy people, as time goes on, it seems that we are able to trust other people less. Whether it is the fear mongering in our society, or just long-held perceptions we have of certain professions, ethnic groups, or other human identifiers, society as a whole is growing increasingly fearful and suspicious of one another.  In fact, a study done, which was referenced by Josh Morgan, a sociologist who wrote a recent article in Reader’s Digest, showed that in 2016, fewer than one in three people agreed that “most people could be trusted,” whereas almost 50 years ago, more than half of the surveyed people thought that “most people could be trusted.” In the article, Morgan also stated that he wanted to help people to be able to trust again (Morgan, 96).  Both he and I can probably attest, that a positive change like that starts with the person looking back at you in the mirror. We need to be sure that we are cultivating trustworthiness, not only to ourselves, but also to others. Here are some qualities of trustworthiness that we all (me included) should strive to practice every day:

1. Be honest.—Most people tend to be honest only when it would be convenient for them to do so, or if they don’t find reason to lie. However, when we are inconvenienced by telling the truth, that is when we tend to lie. For instance, you find $100 in a wallet near a parked car and no one is around you. What would you do? Many people, in my opinion, would take the money for themselves, because they fear if they were honest they wouldn’t get the money or a tangible reward for being honest. Also, if we make a mistake that could cost us our jobs, do we tell our supervisor or keep quiet and hope no one notices, or deny it when asked?  Many people would do the latter two things. However, I strive when I can, to let the supervisor know about the mistakes that I make, especially when it could be a real determent to the company.  Even when honesty can cost your reputation or job, we still should strive not to lie or fudge the truth because we will eventually be found out anyway.  Even though many of the people who were accused of sexual impropriety had tried to hide or deny the allegations for many years, eventually many of them were found out. Also, the people who tried to sweep the allegations under the rug, so to speak, were found out! I have found that most people who lie tend to think that they will never be caught. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Eventually, their real selves will show and less and less people will ever trust them again.
2. Limit Gossip.—I have heard so much gossip in my many years working in various places, it isn’t even funny. This gossip, inevitably, has caused some drama and hurt feelings sometimes. I have found that when others (or, even, regrettably, I) have gossiped or slandered someone else, it is because either we don’t like that person or persons, or those people have made us upset in some way. That is why I believe that when you have a problem with someone, it is best to take it up with them first. If you already have and they don’t respond well or are gossipers themselves, then take it with the proper authorities. For instance, I had a situation where I tried to explain to someone my actions, but they took it as me trying to be sneaky and manipulative. However, I did take it to the authorities and the people involved in the incident first.  I have also had some people at work tell me unfavorable things about either a co-worker or a manager that they didn’t like. I wonder how many of them had tried to resolve the issue they were having with said person first before they came to me and others about the problem and person.  If we are either too stressed or upset to deal with the person or situation, we should either talk with a counselor or the proper authorities.  Otherwise, we should always try to work things out with the person we are having problems with first, and not try to bad mouth the person to others who are not involved in the incident, and cannot help you resolve the situation with said person.
3. Check your motives.—A vital element of being trustworthy is taking a good, long look in the mirror. I don’t mean looking your outer appearance, but who you are inside. Avoid doing things, whenever possible, with impure motives or with duplicity. For instance, never feign a friendship or relationship with another person just to get something for your own gain.   When you are friends with someone, be sure you are being with that person for their sake also and because you can bring something of value to their life. Whenever you want to do something good for someone else, ask yourself why you are doing it.  That way, if you have any impure motives, you can resolve them before it becomes an issue for that other person. For instance, if you want to donate money for a friend’s cause, just so that they will spend more time with you, but you look introspectively and discover this duplicity in yourself, then you may decide not to donate until your motives are purified. Also, you may decide later to donate, but also to support your friend, not just so he or she would spend more time with you.
4. Build Relationships.—Another element of being trustworthy is to build relationships with others. This doesn’t just mean talking to others occasionally or making small talk. Building relationships means really getting to know others and their life stories. It means caring for others’ needs and desires, and sometimes being willing to sacrifice yourself or your desires for their sake. When you strive to build relationships and be unified with those around you, you will ultimately be more trusted.

When we are honest, are not gossiping or slandering others, checking our motives for doing what we do to make sure they are pure and righteous, and when we strive to build relationships, we will ultimately be even more trustworthy than we think ourselves now.  It is interesting to note that when we ourselves strive to be trustworthy, we are usually able to better trust the people around us too. Trust will then cultivate a pure love that will last.

 

Sources: Morgan, Josh. (June 2018), Learning to Trust Again. Reader’s Digest.1141, 95-99.

Importance of Authenticity

Do you ever wonder why, in many countries, bringing in knock-off high-end merchandise can elicit fines and the confiscation of said items? Do you ever wonder why so many people are turned off by pretense and lies from another?  There is something about having authenticity that trumps having an imitation or, let’s say, a knock-off of something real. Having something that is authentic, both in merchandise and, more importantly, in one’s character, bring much value to the person or item in question.  This is why it is so important to strive to be an authentic person.

In order for us to be able to be authentic in our character, we must first know what being genuine is not. First of all, being authentic is not just being a good person. It is especially not just trying to “earn” one’s way into heaven. Being authentic goes further than just being nice to get a return for a kind deed.  Moreover, if you are trying to do something nice for someone and do so to expect to get even a “thank you “for it, you are not really being authentically kind to that person, but more to get good feelings for yourself. Also, being authentic is not simply being really honest, to the point of hurting someone’s feelings without regard for that person.  Yes, honesty is a vital component to authenticity, but a truly genuine person does not need to hurt others in order to get true respect from others.

So, then, what components do comprise a truly authentic person? Well, first of all, a truly genuine person is not afraid to be who they were made to be, no matter the cost. For instance, I have read and heard about in various sources that both Fred Rogers and Rachel Joy Scott strove to be kind to others, no matter who was watching them, and even in the face of ridicule and opposition. Being authentic sometimes involves what I call “upsetting the applecart,” and not going with the crowd if your truly believe that your way is better or to correct an injustice you see in this world.  Another quality of an authentic person is their willingness to be vulnerable when necessary without fear of what other people may do or think. They regularly apologize and admit their failings when they make mistakes. They don’t feel the need to hide their failures, especially if those shaped who they are today.  Finally, a truly authentic person not only values honesty in themselves and others, but loves without pretense or compromise. For instance, an authentic person would never pretend to befriend someone in order to manipulate them for their own gains. They would also understand the importance of loyalty; their family and friends would know exactly where they stand with the authentic person. There are no games involved in their relationships—what you see in them is exactly what you will end up getting.

Yes, being authentic can be tough sometimes, and it does involve sacrifice sometimes, but it is so important and so needed in a world that can be full of drama and duplicity.  One reason why being authentic in character is so important is because genuineness is a vital component to having strong, lasting relationships.  While relationships based on lies can last maybe a few years, they will eventually break and the lies will eventually be found out causing immense pain to both parties involved. If there is no authenticity in a relationship, true trust cannot be built and it will eventually fall under the pressure of trials and temptations. However, if you have an authentic relationship with someone, then love and trust can flourish. You will know where you stand with each other, because there will be open and honest conversation between you and the other person.  No one will be afraid to be who they really are, or feel that the other has hidden motives in the relationship.

Because being authentic allows for strong and loving relationships with others, it will bring joy to us and the people with who we commune. Also, the people in both parties will feel free to be who they really are without worrying about being judged, rejected, or lied to by the other person.

However, if we are fake, and not authentic, our lies and hidden motives will eventually be found out, and we will become less desirable to be around.  People won’t trust us anymore because of our duplicity and will second-guess our motives because of our previous lies.  For instance, some of the Hollywood actors who have been accused of sexual misconduct had the guise of being family man or someone “charming” to be around. Since their real selves have been revealed, many, not only in their acting community, but also those in the general public, are now disgusted with them and don’t want to even be associated with them anymore.

When we are authentic though, our integrity is built up and we are considered by people as someone that can be trusted.  We not only gain respect from others, but we have confidence that we are doing the morally right thing.  Sadly, having great authenticity in character is a rare find these days. However, if we strive every day to be more and more genuine in our character, not only will that help us gain confidence, but also help change the world for the better.

My Heart Will Always Be With You

My Heart Will Always Be With You

For Erica*, Veronica*, Kelly*, Ted,* Chris* and Elizabeth*  (*=names changed for privacy) 

 

For all that we have been through

Both for the good times and bad

For all the laughter and the tears

My heart will always be with you

 

For all that I have learned from you

For all the truth you showed me

For the joy that you are to me

My heart will always be with you

 

Even when you have to leave me

Even if I can’t be with you

Or your face I can’t again see

My heart will always be with you

The Legacy I Want To Leave

Having gone through depression and being an Advocate personality (a, la Myers-Brigg personality type), I had rarely felt like I belonged anywhere, and thus the subject of death came up many times in my mind.  However, in the past few years, when I think about death and dying, I think more about the legacy I want to leave and what kind of life I want to have lived should the inevitable happen.  Recently, I visited one of my fellow congregants, who is now in hospice. Thinking about the pain and the triumphs that she has been through, I started also thinking about the legacy I want to leave when it is my time to go.  Here is the legacy I want to leave:

First and foremost, I want to lead a legacy of love. I don’t want to leave this earth with people thinking that they were not valued and loved by me.  Sure, I may have bad days, and inevitably this may happen to some degree, but as far as it is possible, I want people to know that they are valued.  I not only want to speak encouragement into others’ lives, but also want to show tangible demonstrations of God’s love to them whenever I can.

I also want to contribute to ending social injustices, such as abuse and slavery.  One way I aim to continue to do this is to spread awareness about these injustices and help some of those who are or have suffered through this.  I want to continue encouraging and coming alongside, as a support, to those I know who have been through abuse or any other type of social injustice.

I also want to buck the trend of apathy in this society, by going against this trend. For instance, I have seen a lot of people both in the places where I work or used to work, do their job solely for the paycheck, and have no passion or joy in what they are doing or for the people they are supposed to be serving. For me, I don’t want to be that person who has no joy or passion for others or for life.  I want to serve others, both at my job, and at other places, with all my heart. I want to work hard because I know it will all be worth it in the end.  When I see someone hurting or suffering, I want to at least stop and pray for them.  I don’t want to turn a blind eye to them, but see where I can help meet their need.

One of the reasons why I don’t ever want to be known as apathetic is because I know how it feels to be devalued by seemingly apathetic people, or people that just gave up on me.  When I have been visibly upset, I lost count of how many times people either just judgmentally stared at me, or avoided me altogether, not even trying to help or seeing if everything is OK. I was also rejected by caretakers at a daycare because I was too unruly for them to handle.  Also, because I had had a demanding personality when I was a child, most of my peers didn’t really want to be close friends with me. When I was going through hell and back in my early teenage years, I could probably count on my hands the number of people that actually cared enough to ask me what was going on with me.

I also want to be able to let go of the things that won’t matter after I die.  Right now, what I am working on letting go of  is a.) holding grudges and anger against individual people. b) the need to be always in control.  c) little things that bother me now, but won’t matter after death.

Sometimes (ok, often), when people offend me, I tend to replay what they did and how I would respond if it happened again.  This replay-tape in my mind tends to build up my anger and bitterness for those people.   I am working on (and getting a bit better at) not replaying the tape so many times. I want to be able to let go and forgive, because I don’t want to be holding grievances against any person when it’s my time to go.  I also want to let go of the need to have everything go my way. I always had thought that if everyone would just cooperate with me and everyone and everything would exactly be this certain way, I wouldn’t be stressed or upset at anything anymore.  However, I have learned that even if things don’t all go exactly my way, I still can find joy and peace in the fact that everything will turn out how it is supposed to and that God will give me the strength I need during each season of my life.  I also want to let go of all the other things that bother me in life, but that won’t matter when I go, such as not finding  something that I want to use or waiting in traffic.

Finally, I want to hold on to the things in my life that will ultimately matter. I aim to always value my God, my family, and my friends, in that order, and above all else, than anything else  this life has to offer. I want to value people over things. I want to hold on to continually developing and improving my character.  I want to be less angry and anxious. Ever since I was little, I have had the propensity to worry. However, I want to leave here not worried about anything anymore. I want to be at complete and total peace.  I also want to be more compassionate to others and less self-centered. I don’t want to let one more day go by without being thankful, in some way, for the people that are in my life. I want to glorify God every day of my life, and I want to love others the way that my God and the people that He brought into my life have shown love to me.  I want to cause a positive chain reaction and ultimately change my world for the better.

My Legacy–a poem

My Legacy  6/17/2018

 

When it’s my time to go

I want the world to know

The fullness of God’s great love

The love from up above

 

When it’s my time to go

I want people to know

That they are so much more

Than just another face

 

When it’s my time to go

I want to live in peace

With no more bitterness

And for anger to cease

 

Before my time is up

I want to serve others

And share the immense hope

I found in my Savior

Power of Forgiveness

I have struggled with forgiving people for a long time. I had thought that by withholding my forgiveness and affection towards those that hurt me, that I would, in effect, force them to “pay me back” for all the hurt they had caused me. Thus, they would never hurt me again, or so I thought.  However, about a year ago, I had an epiphany that made me realize my bitterness and resentment were futile in getting my offender or offenders to actually change. I also realized that, not only did the offender not change their behavior towards me, but also, in many cases, they had either no idea or didn’t care that they had hurt me! I also found the incredible power of forgiveness and how it can changes lives—not only mine, but yours, as well.

The first thing about forgiveness that I found is that it gives the forgiver the power to love again. When I was bitter and resentful of some people I knew, I found that it significantly stunted my ability to love, not only them, but all those around me, even those who had never hurt me and had nothing to do with the offender or the hurtful incidents. However, when I forgave the people that hurt me, I found my love for everyone grew stronger than even before the offender had hurt me! In some cases, I even found myself compelled to be kind and reach out to the offenders!  Another example of how forgiveness has helped people love again I learned from history.  During the Rwandan civil war, when the Hutus and Tutsis were fighting so much that the Hutus wanted to commit genocide against the Tutsis, some of the Tutsis eventually forgave the Hutus, ending the war and paving the way for reconciliation.

Forgiveness also gives strength.  Some people think forgiveness gives a free pass to the offenders or excuses their actions. Nothing could be further from the truth! First of all, the fact that someone needs to be forgiven says that they did something wrong. Second of all, one can forgive someone, and still expect justice to be served, but not out of a heart of anger and bitterness. Finally, radical forgiveness often requires much thought and emotional strength on the part of the forgiver to let things go that he or she naturally would want to hold on to, such as the desire for the offender to hurt like he or she has been.  Forgiveness also gives us strength to move on with our lives and to love more radically.

Finally, forgiveness gives the forgiver power to bring about positive changes to the relationships. When I forgave several people at work who had said and done things that I considered hurtful to me, I often realized that despite all that happened, that there was still hope of reconciling our relationship.  Moreover, I was also able to gain a deeper understanding, and sometimes an even greater appreciation of their perspectives on things. I have become more conscious of what I may have done to contribute to the strain in the relationship, often including my bitterness and resentment towards them, and resolve to treat them with more grace and mercy, even though I may feel that they don’t deserve as much.  Thus, I found that the people that initially offended me later softened up and treated me with more consideration after I had genuinely forgiven them.

As one can see, forgiveness is a very powerful force in this world for good.  Yes, it is often difficult to do. However, the benefits of persevering in forgiveness are considerably great. Forgiveness gives us the power to love again and like never before. Forgiveness also gives us strength to move on with our lives so that we are not trapped by our past.  Finally, forgiveness can invite reconciliation and bring positive changes into the once-strained relationship. Who do you need to forgive? Who have you forgiven? I don’t know about you, but forgiving others has given me such freedom and such peace with others.

Losing Pride, Gaining Joy

I believe that one of the greatest causes of conflict and emotional pain in this world today is pride. Society sees humility as a weakness—an admission of guilt or defect. However, what if we gained the awareness that we are all weak in some way? What if we realized that our weaknesses, even the ones that we want no one to know about, do not diminish our worth as a person?  What if we realized that it is not all about us? What if we realized how valuable our life is, and, thus used our time to make a positive impact on the world around us?

Here is what I learned about how to lose arrogant pride and thus gain joy:

1. View life as a gift.—About four years ago, I started having pains in my side. My parents and I thought it was just a hernia from lifting heavy things at my job at the time. However, when I started throwing up blood, my parents drove me to the hospital, and I was admitted almost right away. As it turned out, my gall bladder was about twice the size it should have been and inflamed.  If I had waited just a few hours later to go to the hospital, my gall bladder would have burst, and I would probably not be here to share this story with you today.  Strangely enough, I did not realize how close I was to death, until about three years later, when a co-worker from my current job exclaimed, “You could have died!” when I told her my story. Hopefully, it won’t take almost dying to view your life as a gift, but that is what I realized that day. Another time when I could have come close to dying was when I was driving to church, a few months ago, and a driver could have crashed into me and caused a serious accident had I not stopped for them in the nick of time!  From those incidents, I realized how fleeting life can be, and how it can be taken from me at any moment.  Thus, I also realized that we should view each blessing (good thing) that we are given as a gift and treat them accordingly.  Another thing I learned about life is to savor each moment we are given, because we will never be given the exact same opportunities again. Often, we (me included) are so busy that we just brush past our activities and those we encounter, and don’t really enjoy or value them.  Nearly dying at least twice in my life, has helped me begin to savor each moment more. It is a work in progress, but I found that when I am able to slow down and savor the moment, I am much more joyful and less stuck on myself and what I want to accomplish at that time.
2. Stop comparing and envying.—Envy and the comparison game are great contributors to arrogant pride. I mentioned in a previous post that I was envious of several people in my life because I felt inadequate and lacking compared to them. However, several years ago, I realized that by envying them, I was accomplishing absolutely nothing for my own life.  Envying them did not make me more successful or strengthen my relationships to these people. In fact, it probably created an invisible barrier between us!   Another thing I learned (and am continuing to learn) is to stop comparing myself to people that I think are “better” in some way than me. This only leads to depression and/or prideful arrogance against them, as one may compensate by thinking about something in themselves that is way better than the envied person just to cover up their envy.
3. Treasure others as much as yourself.—One way to combat arrogant pride is to think more (or as much) about others as yourself. For example, if you see someone is tired and stressed out at your job because they are overwhelmed by their work, offer to help them out. Do not only think about how much you are stressed out or how much you want to go home, right now. Another way to treasure others as much as you is to learn other people’s life stories.  Get to know people, not only their favorite foods or their favorite sport, but also what their goals in life are, what makes them joyful and sad, what happened in their past to make them the people they are today. Above all, live to serve others.  This does not mean to be a doormat and cater to someone taking advantage of you. However, living to serve others means to sometimes sacrifice what you want, for another person’s joy.  It also means living to make a positive difference in others’ lives and bringing hope to others.
4. We should also stop thinking that anyone “owes” us anything.—The entitlement mentality also is a great contributor to arrogant pride because it focuses exclusively on self and our “rights.” The longer I live, the more I realize that no one really “owes” me anything. When I view everything as a gift, this thinking can be stopped right in its tracks. Another way to stop entitlement mentality is to remember the mercy and grace shown to you  in your life. For example, if you did something nice for someone else, and that person does not even say “Thank you,” do not hold a grudge against them because you think you have “the right” to be appreciated.  Instead, remember all the times someone else did something nice to you and you forgot to say thank you, but they did not hold it against you.  Also, try to remember the times where you did not get the bad you deserved, or got the good you did not merit. For instance, even though I am sometimes selfish and bone-headed, people still generally treat me with kindness and patience.  Remembering this helps me to lose the mentality that I am “owed” anything.

 

When we live each day as a gift given to us, rather than something we are owed, we gain much joy and hope in our lives. Also, when we stop comparing and envying what others have, we are much more apt to appreciate and focus on the good we already are blessed to possess.  Finally, when we live to serve others, rather than just ourselves, we get away from the “poor-me” and  entitlement mentalities and gain much joy in knowing we have made a positive difference in countless lives.

Gifts- a poem

Gifts       6/10/2018

 

I have grumbled about much strife

Though I do not deserve this life

Full of many gifts

From the one above

 

So I strive to count the many gifts

That have graciously been given me

For their value I can clearly see

From a Maker that dearly loves me

 

Gifts of all different shapes and sizes

Gifts that bring much joy to my full life

Gifts that show or teach me how to love

Gifts that are clearly from up above

 

So value the gifts of your one life

Before you miss the joy that is true

Before mercy reaches its limit

And before all is taken from you

 

How to Give Hope to the Hurting

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, or a mental health professional. If you or someone you love is in a crisis, please feel free to call -1-800-273-8255 (the Lifeline). Someone there can give you the help that is needed. Also, triggers for mentions of suicide.

 

In the past few days, many of you have heard about the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. It has been confirmed by various sources that they died by suicide. However, they are not the only ones who have struggled with depression and feelings of hopelessness in their lives. In fact, suicide rates in the U.S have gone up 30% since 1999, and 45,000 people died by suicide in 2016. (1). In fact, many people I know, myself included, have struggled with depression and/or thoughts of suicide. However, I found hope in my life in God and in the fact that I am not alone in my struggles.  I have also found that there are many people around us that need hope, and some –even motivation to live!  The good news is that, we can help them find hope in their lives and maybe even save some lives!

Here is what I found from my own life experiences that have helped others (and me) find hope in our lives:

One of the most effective ways I found that is effective in helping those who are hurting find hope in their lives again is to speak encouragement into their lives.  One way to do this is to offer hope-filled words to those who are hurting or stressed. We can offer just the right words for the person’s situation. For instance, when my manager Chris* (*=not his real name) was stressed, I gave him a note that had a Bible verse about rest for the weary soul. I think it was Matthew 28:20 (KJV), which says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He really seemed to appreciate the note.  Also, when I was upset and felt despairing of life, my friend Veronica* (*=not her real name) spoke encouraging words into my life as well.  Though I don’t remember exactly what she said, I do remember that after she talked to me, I felt much better and more determined than ever to better my life.  When we lack this encouragement, we will not have as much motivation to persevere in our lives, and can even become cynical and bitter of the people and the world around us. I remember when I felt discouraged and felt that no one was there to emotionally support me, that I became paranoid of the world around me and felt unmotivated and ready to give up on life.

Another way we can speak encouragement into others’ lives is to give praise to people when they do something good. Don’t do this just to flatter them or to manipulate them. This will only serve to make them bitter and cynical in the future, because your motivations will eventually be found out!  However, when you genuinely praise and appreciate someone for the good they do, you create a spark in their heart and their eyes often light up. When my co-worker *Ted got complimented by a customer, I knew he genuinely appreciated the gesture because of how excited and happy his voice was when he related the story of how the customer said that he should be rewarded for his good customer service to them.  When I told several of my managers several months ago how much the opportunity they gave me to be employed full-time there meant to me, they felt genuinely appreciated and loved in a way most of them never have been before.  When people lack this type of encouragement in their lives, they feel nothing they do is ever good enough, so they eventually stop giving their best efforts.  They feel like their hard work is done for naught.  If someone both lacks this encouragement and is constantly being belittled and criticized, he or she can spiral into a deep, dark depression. This lack of encouragement can even lead him or her to self-injure or, worse yet, commit suicide.

Another way we can offer hope to those who are hurting is to offer them practical helps.  If the person that is hurting emotionally is also sick or bed bound, just offering to spend quality time with them will mean a lot.  Also, if possible or necessary, help them with basic household chores to let them know that they are not alone and to help their home to be kept up. Of course, also speak encouraging words into their lives. Let them know that you value them and that they are loved. Let them know that they are not alone, even if it seems that way to them.

If the person is hurting because he or she is stressed and/or anxious, we can offer hope by removing them, if possible, away from the stressful situation. For instance, if a family member is making a person stressed, suggest they spend some time away from them, whether it is at another location or even just in separate rooms of the house, until they are ready to deal with the source of the stress again.  Also, we can offer to be there for them in the stress. Your presence should help them feel less alone in their fears and stresses.  You can also offer to pray for them, if they are religious. We can also be an outlet for them to be able to vent and talk about their stress and fears. When you want to be an outlet, there are some important things to keep in mind. 1) Don’t judge them. Judging someone will only make their stress and anxiety worse, and won’t help the situation at all. Moreover, they will, most likely, shut down immediately.  2) Also, listen attentively to their concerns. This will show that you care about them.  3) Don’t offer to “fix” things (i.e  give unsolicited advice). Sometimes, all people want is for you to listen and affirm them.  4) Affirm who they are as a person. This does not mean you have to affirm their behaviors, but you do need to let them know that there is hope for them and that you value them.

One final way we can offer hope to the hurting is through our own example, mainly having a joy-filled, eternal perspective on life. By focusing on our legacy and being motivated on something that will last a long time, you can inspire others to live hope-filled lives as well. Don’t focus on things that won’t last, such as money, material things, fame, or outer appearances. However, focus more on things that will last forever—such as God (if you are religious), the legacy you leave to the next generation, your relationships with others, and who you are inside.  By focusing on things that will impact your legacy to the next generations, rather than just things that will be gone when you die, it will give you a bigger perspective on life and will give you more motivation and hope for the future.  We can then teach this principle to others, giving them hope as well, especially when they are looking for it themselves.

When we help others find hope through our encouraging words, through coming alongside them and helping them in more practical ways, and by inspiring others through our hope-filled, larger perspective on life, we can help heal a broken world.  There is always hope when you are alive, and you can make a positive difference in others’ lives by how we live every day.

Source: 1) National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.  (June 7, 2018). Suicide Rates Rising Across the U.S. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/index.html.

What I Learned From the #Metoo Movement

According to the Me Too Movement website ( https://metoomvmt.org/ ), the MeToo Movement was founded over a decade ago, in 2006, by Tamara Burke, but this movement only recently gained popularity in the wake of the scandal involving Harvey Weinstein. The #Metoo Movement has been an iconic symbol for cultural and revolutionary change for woman, not only to gain more equality, but also to fight for respect and dignity as human beings.  I have personally witnessed or heard many women, including myself, experience sexual or other types of exploitation simply because of our gender. From the #metoo movement, I have learned plenty of things, including what I believe are four of the most important credos that I hold that stem from the values of the #metoo movement that we can all apply, regardless of religious or political persuasion:

1. Survivors of sexual harassment and/or abuse need to be valued and respected as the brave people they are, and not condemned or judged.—One of the first things that I learned that the #Metoo Movement gave me an awareness of is the horrible ways that many survivors of sexual abuse and harassment are treated when they report these incidents. Their allegations are not only often dismissed or ignored, they are, in some cases, judged or condemned, as if they were all “false” allegations. Yes, there have been a few incidents where allegations have proven to be lies and drama, but more often than not, I have found that many of the people who dismissed these allegations felt that they had to protect the perpetrator or perpetrators for some reason, even if they knew these people actually abused these survivors! I also have found that many survivors of harassment and abuse have been afraid to speak out because when other survivors have spoken out they are not only accused of lying, but are often risk ostracization from their communities, and even, in some cases, their families as well. The #Metoo movement, for me, brought this problem to light, and motivated me to speak out against devaluing people, especially abuse survivors, who have already been devalued enough.  We need to value everyone, but especially survivors of sexual harassment and abuse. It doesn’t matter what the person was wearing. No one deserves abusive or creepy behavior.  One may say that if I wore suggestive clothing that I am, in effect, “asking” to get sexually abused or exploited. Nothing could be further from the truth! If someone has a temptation to abuse me just because of what I’m wearing, they have issues of self-control. This person can choose not to look my way, if he or she, is really being tempted in that way. They can also get help for their issues, instead of blaming their target or acting on their impulses. As my pastor has said repeatedly (that serves for everyone, regardless of religious belief), “Our response is our responsibility.”

 

2. Don’t excuse bad behavior. Ever! Speak out against this behavior.—I believe sexual harassment and abuse, especially of women, have gone unchecked and unchallenged by society for far too long. However, when several women in the movie industry spoke up against once-powerful movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, many people, including once-powerful and influential men from all walks of life, were being held to account for their allegedly inappropriate sexual behaviors. Also, men and women from all over the world, from all walks of life, bravely shared their stories of how they were sexually exploited and/or abused.  I believe the #Metoo movement has unified survivors and social justice advocates together to finally hold to account some of the perpetrators that held a powerful reign on the survivors and the values of society for far too long. Many times, I have heard people defending abusers just because they have familial or other strong ties. However, I don’t think this practice does anyone any favors.  For instance, if I found out that someone I loved abused their spouse, I would pull no punches with them, or defend or explain away their actions. My actions, by some, may seem traitorous, but in the long run, I would be helping them by influencing them to change their behavior. In  most churches that I have attended, there is a thing called “church discipline,” that progresses all the way to excommunication if a congregant or attender is not repentant (changes their bad behaviors) of their sinful actions. The purpose of church discipline is to bring repentant change to the congregant or attender, not to judge or shun them.  So, is what we can do for loved ones who engage in damaging or hurtful behavior to others, by not excusing or defending their wrong behavior.

 

3. Don’t be afraid to be an “applecart upsetter.”– You can bring positive change by not always maintaining the “status quo.”- Most people are often like “ducks” following after the Leader Duck, and doing whatever the Leader says, without questioning or thinking about what they are really wanting from us. This is how many people function in regards to believing and acting upon the values society imposes on us.  When we really think about why we do what we do, and question some of the things that society values in order to bring about positive change, we can be an effective applecart upsetter.  For instance, the founder of the #Metoo Movement wanted to upset the applecart of the societal silencing of survivors of abuse, especially of women of color, by bringing to light this problem.  Also, when I am working, if the environment seems stressful and negative, I try to upset the applecart by working hard and trying to stay positive, even if everyone around me feels stressed and depressed.

 

 

4. Humility needs to be more accepted as virtuous, rather than seen as weakness, in our society. –One thing that the #Metoo Movement has brought to light is the problem of arrogant entitlement in our society. In many societies, humility is seen as a weakness, an admission of guilt. However, this could not be further from the truth. From this false view of humility, I have found that this has resulted in many immature, arrogant people becoming powerful and having a further negative impact on society, so that even some of their most ordinary citizens get a narcissistic sense of entitlement in their own lives.  Think about what happened in Germany and the Roman Empire as a result of arrogant people coming to power.  Because Hitler was able to come to power, unchallenged by a significant part of society, he was able to order the genocide of over six million Jewish people, including women and children!  In contrast, one of the reasons why Jesus Christ of Nazereth was (and is) able to make such a difference in the world is because of His humility.  He died a criminal’s death, even though He had done nothing to deserve it.  Also, the reason my faith heroes, Rachel Joy Scott and Mother Teresa were able to make such an impact on the world around them was because they were able to humble themselves, and be associated with people no one wanted to be around, in order to make a positive difference in their lives, and others’ as well.  I have found and learned that the #Metoo movement wouldn’t even be necessary if more of the perpetrators just a.) learned to control themselves, and not think they were “better” than women  b) admitted their wrongdoings and really strived to treat others more respectfully and with more value.

These are some of the things that the #Metoo Movement has taught me.  First and foremost, we need to recognize and acknowledge the value of all people, especially survivors of abuse, because when we hold them dear we will learn much from them and be one step closer to peace and joy in this world. We also need to stop excusing bad behavior, even from loved ones and friends.  Also, we need to not be afraid to upset the status quo sometimes, because, sometimes, only then can positive things happen. Also, we need to uphold humility as more of a virtue, like patience is seen as, and not as a weakness or a vice. When we fight for justice, equality, and the general good of society, and model virtue, then change can be brought about. As Ghandi famously said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”