People Who Make My Life Worth It (Top 35)

-Inspired by Magic in The Everyday’s “People Who Make Me Happy” 

*=are psuedonyms

Thank you to all these people (and more–even those not on the list! ) who have made a positive impact on my life.  If you don’t want your real name used, please contact me as soon as possible! These following people on the list have collectively been there for me in the darkest times, and in the times of triumph, have spoken truth, love and grace into my life when I needed it, have believed in me and accepted me as the person I am, have encouraged me to reach my full potential, and I believe have traits of an authentic person. They are also people who I have had contact with in the past year:

  1. My mom
  2. My dad
  3. My brother
  4. My mentor J
  5. Elaine Scherrer
  6. Krista Volkart
  7. Vicky Hewey
  8. Holly*
  9. Chrissy Rivera
  10. Victor Rivera
  11. Rose*
  12. Ingrid Trujillo
  13. David Dorsey
  14. Tiffany Terrell
  15. Matt Malahy
  16. Aisheyah Simmons
  17. Judy Duckett
  18. Stacy B.
  19. Jarrica Bell
  20. Kelli Huber
  21. Mary Gaffney
  22. Anfal
  23. Londine Tijerina
  24. anyone who reads my blog
  25. Katrin Alyss Rosinski
  26. Greg my store manager
  27. Willy Miranda
  28. Tati Miranda
  29. Cathy Aguirre
  30. Jim Herron
  31. Sis Herron
  32. Marie Rennie
  33. Pastor Shoaf
  34. Troy Shoaf
  35. Jack Lezza
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How To Be Trustworthy

Even though most of us would consider ourselves to be pretty trustworthy people, as time goes on, it seems that we are able to trust other people less. Whether it is the fear mongering in our society, or just long-held perceptions we have of certain professions, ethnic groups, or other human identifiers, society as a whole is growing increasingly fearful and suspicious of one another.  In fact, a study done, which was referenced by Josh Morgan, a sociologist who wrote a recent article in Reader’s Digest, showed that in 2016, fewer than one in three people agreed that “most people could be trusted,” whereas almost 50 years ago, more than half of the surveyed people thought that “most people could be trusted.” In the article, Morgan also stated that he wanted to help people to be able to trust again (Morgan, 96).  Both he and I can probably attest, that a positive change like that starts with the person looking back at you in the mirror. We need to be sure that we are cultivating trustworthiness, not only to ourselves, but also to others. Here are some qualities of trustworthiness that we all (me included) should strive to practice every day:

  1. Be honest.—Most people tend to be honest only when it would be convenient for them to do so, or if they don’t find reason to lie. However, when we are inconvenienced by telling the truth, that is when we tend to lie. For instance, you find $100 in a wallet near a parked car and no one is around you. What would you do? Many people, in my opinion, would take the money for themselves, because they fear if they were honest they wouldn’t get the money or a tangible reward for being honest. Also, if we make a mistake that could cost us our jobs, do we tell our supervisor or keep quiet and hope no one notices, or deny it when asked?  Many people would do the latter two things. However, I strive when I can, to let the supervisor know about the mistakes that I make, especially when it could be a real determent to the company.  Even when honesty can cost your reputation or job, we still should strive not to lie or fudge the truth because we will eventually be found out anyway.  Even though many of the people who were accused of sexual impropriety had tried to hide or deny the allegations for many years, eventually many of them were found out. Also, the people who tried to sweep the allegations under the rug, so to speak, were found out! I have found that most people who lie tend to think that they will never be caught. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Eventually, their real selves will show and less and less people will ever trust them again.
  2. Limit Gossip.—I have heard so much gossip in my many years working in various places, it isn’t even funny. This gossip, inevitably, has caused some drama and hurt feelings sometimes. I have found that when others (or, even, regrettably, I) have gossiped or slandered someone else, it is because either we don’t like that person or persons, or those people have made us upset in some way. That is why I believe that when you have a problem with someone, it is best to take it up with them first. If you already have and they don’t respond well or are gossipers themselves, then take it with the proper authorities. For instance, I had a situation where I tried to explain to someone my actions, but they took it as me trying to be sneaky and manipulative. However, I did take it to the authorities and the people involved in the incident first.  I have also had some people at work tell me unfavorable things about either a co-worker or a manager that they didn’t like. I wonder how many of them had tried to resolve the issue they were having with said person first before they came to me and others about the problem and person.  If we are either too stressed or upset to deal with the person or situation, we should either talk with a counselor or the proper authorities.  Otherwise, we should always try to work things out with the person we are having problems with first, and not try to bad mouth the person to others who are not involved in the incident, and cannot help you resolve the situation with said person.
  3. Check your motives.—A vital element of being trustworthy is taking a good, long look in the mirror. I don’t mean looking your outer appearance, but who you are inside. Avoid doing things, whenever possible, with impure motives or with duplicity. For instance, never feign a friendship or relationship with another person just to get something for your own gain.   When you are friends with someone, be sure you are being with that person for their sake also and because you can bring something of value to their life. Whenever you want to do something good for someone else, ask yourself why you are doing it.  That way, if you have any impure motives, you can resolve them before it becomes an issue for that other person. For instance, if you want to donate money for a friend’s cause, just so that they will spend more time with you, but you look introspectively and discover this duplicity in yourself, then you may decide not to donate until your motives are purified. Also, you may decide later to donate, but also to support your friend, not just so he or she would spend more time with you.
  4. Build Relationships.—Another element of being trustworthy is to build relationships with others. This doesn’t just mean talking to others occasionally or making small talk. Building relationships means really getting to know others and their life stories. It means caring for others’ needs and desires, and sometimes being willing to sacrifice yourself or your desires for their sake. When you strive to build relationships and be unified with those around you, you will ultimately be more trusted.

When we are honest, are not gossiping or slandering others, checking our motives for doing what we do to make sure they are pure and righteous, and when we strive to build relationships, we will ultimately be even more trustworthy than we think ourselves now.  It is interesting to note that when we ourselves strive to be trustworthy, we are usually able to better trust the people around us too. Trust will then cultivate a pure love that will last.

 

Sources: Morgan, Josh. (June 2018), Learning to Trust Again. Reader’s Digest.1141, 95-99.

My Heart Will Always Be With You

My Heart Will Always Be With You

For Erica*, Veronica*, Kelly*, Ted,* Chris* and Elizabeth*  (*=names changed for privacy) 

 

For all that we have been through

Both for the good times and bad

For all the laughter and the tears

My heart will always be with you

 

For all that I have learned from you

For all the truth you showed me

For the joy that you are to me

My heart will always be with you

 

Even when you have to leave me

Even if I can’t be with you

Or your face I can’t again see

My heart will always be with you

The Legacy I Want To Leave

Having gone through depression and being an Advocate personality (a, la Myers-Brigg personality type), I had rarely felt like I belonged anywhere, and thus the subject of death came up many times in my mind.  However, in the past few years, when I think about death and dying, I think more about the legacy I want to leave and what kind of life I want to have lived should the inevitable happen.  Recently, I visited one of my fellow congregants, who is now in hospice. Thinking about the pain and the triumphs that she has been through, I started also thinking about the legacy I want to leave when it is my time to go.  Here is the legacy I want to leave:

First and foremost, I want to lead a legacy of love. I don’t want to leave this earth with people thinking that they were not valued and loved by me.  Sure, I may have bad days, and inevitably this may happen to some degree, but as far as it is possible, I want people to know that they are valued.  I not only want to speak encouragement into others’ lives, but also want to show tangible demonstrations of God’s love to them whenever I can.

I also want to contribute to ending social injustices, such as abuse and slavery.  One way I aim to continue to do this is to spread awareness about these injustices and help some of those who are or have suffered through this.  I want to continue encouraging and coming alongside, as a support, to those I know who have been through abuse or any other type of social injustice.

I also want to buck the trend of apathy in this society, by going against this trend. For instance, I have seen a lot of people both in the places where I work or used to work, do their job solely for the paycheck, and have no passion or joy in what they are doing or for the people they are supposed to be serving. For me, I don’t want to be that person who has no joy or passion for others or for life.  I want to serve others, both at my job, and at other places, with all my heart. I want to work hard because I know it will all be worth it in the end.  When I see someone hurting or suffering, I want to at least stop and pray for them.  I don’t want to turn a blind eye to them, but see where I can help meet their need.

One of the reasons why I don’t ever want to be known as apathetic is because I know how it feels to be devalued by seemingly apathetic people, or people that just gave up on me.  When I have been visibly upset, I lost count of how many times people either just judgmentally stared at me, or avoided me altogether, not even trying to help or seeing if everything is OK. I was also rejected by caretakers at a daycare because I was too unruly for them to handle.  Also, because I had had a demanding personality when I was a child, most of my peers didn’t really want to be close friends with me. When I was going through hell and back in my early teenage years, I could probably count on my hands the number of people that actually cared enough to ask me what was going on with me.

I also want to be able to let go of the things that won’t matter after I die.  Right now, what I am working on letting go of  is a.) holding grudges and anger against individual people. b) the need to be always in control.  c) little things that bother me now, but won’t matter after death.

Sometimes (ok, often), when people offend me, I tend to replay what they did and how I would respond if it happened again.  This replay-tape in my mind tends to build up my anger and bitterness for those people.   I am working on (and getting a bit better at) not replaying the tape so many times. I want to be able to let go and forgive, because I don’t want to be holding grievances against any person when it’s my time to go.  I also want to let go of the need to have everything go my way. I always had thought that if everyone would just cooperate with me and everyone and everything would exactly be this certain way, I wouldn’t be stressed or upset at anything anymore.  However, I have learned that even if things don’t all go exactly my way, I still can find joy and peace in the fact that everything will turn out how it is supposed to and that God will give me the strength I need during each season of my life.  I also want to let go of all the other things that bother me in life, but that won’t matter when I go, such as not finding  something that I want to use or waiting in traffic.

Finally, I want to hold on to the things in my life that will ultimately matter. I aim to always value my God, my family, and my friends, in that order, and above all else, than anything else  this life has to offer. I want to value people over things. I want to hold on to continually developing and improving my character.  I want to be less angry and anxious. Ever since I was little, I have had the propensity to worry. However, I want to leave here not worried about anything anymore. I want to be at complete and total peace.  I also want to be more compassionate to others and less self-centered. I don’t want to let one more day go by without being thankful, in some way, for the people that are in my life. I want to glorify God every day of my life, and I want to love others the way that my God and the people that He brought into my life have shown love to me.  I want to cause a positive chain reaction and ultimately change my world for the better.

My Legacy–a poem

My Legacy  6/17/2018

 

When it’s my time to go

I want the world to know

The fullness of God’s great love

The love from up above

 

When it’s my time to go

I want people to know

That they are so much more

Than just another face

 

When it’s my time to go

I want to live in peace

With no more bitterness

And for anger to cease

 

Before my time is up

I want to serve others

And share the immense hope

I found in my Savior

Power of Forgiveness

I have struggled with forgiving people for a long time. I had thought that by withholding my forgiveness and affection towards those that hurt me, that I would, in effect, force them to “pay me back” for all the hurt they had caused me. Thus, they would never hurt me again, or so I thought.  However, about a year ago, I had an epiphany that made me realize my bitterness and resentment were futile in getting my offender or offenders to actually change. I also realized that, not only did the offender not change their behavior towards me, but also, in many cases, they had either no idea or didn’t care that they had hurt me! I also found the incredible power of forgiveness and how it can changes lives—not only mine, but yours, as well.

The first thing about forgiveness that I found is that it gives the forgiver the power to love again. When I was bitter and resentful of some people I knew, I found that it significantly stunted my ability to love, not only them, but all those around me, even those who had never hurt me and had nothing to do with the offender or the hurtful incidents. However, when I forgave the people that hurt me, I found my love for everyone grew stronger than even before the offender had hurt me! In some cases, I even found myself compelled to be kind and reach out to the offenders!  Another example of how forgiveness has helped people love again I learned from history.  During the Rwandan civil war, when the Hutus and Tutsis were fighting so much that the Hutus wanted to commit genocide against the Tutsis, some of the Tutsis eventually forgave the Hutus, ending the war and paving the way for reconciliation.

Forgiveness also gives strength.  Some people think forgiveness gives a free pass to the offenders or excuses their actions. Nothing could be further from the truth! First of all, the fact that someone needs to be forgiven says that they did something wrong. Second of all, one can forgive someone, and still expect justice to be served, but not out of a heart of anger and bitterness. Finally, radical forgiveness often requires much thought and emotional strength on the part of the forgiver to let things go that he or she naturally would want to hold on to, such as the desire for the offender to hurt like he or she has been.  Forgiveness also gives us strength to move on with our lives and to love more radically.

Finally, forgiveness gives the forgiver power to bring about positive changes to the relationships. When I forgave several people at work who had said and done things that I considered hurtful to me, I often realized that despite all that happened, that there was still hope of reconciling our relationship.  Moreover, I was also able to gain a deeper understanding, and sometimes an even greater appreciation of their perspectives on things. I have become more conscious of what I may have done to contribute to the strain in the relationship, often including my bitterness and resentment towards them, and resolve to treat them with more grace and mercy, even though I may feel that they don’t deserve as much.  Thus, I found that the people that initially offended me later softened up and treated me with more consideration after I had genuinely forgiven them.

As one can see, forgiveness is a very powerful force in this world for good.  Yes, it is often difficult to do. However, the benefits of persevering in forgiveness are considerably great. Forgiveness gives us the power to love again and like never before. Forgiveness also gives us strength to move on with our lives so that we are not trapped by our past.  Finally, forgiveness can invite reconciliation and bring positive changes into the once-strained relationship. Who do you need to forgive? Who have you forgiven? I don’t know about you, but forgiving others has given me such freedom and such peace with others.

Losing Pride, Gaining Joy

I believe that one of the greatest causes of conflict and emotional pain in this world today is pride. Society sees humility as a weakness—an admission of guilt or defect. However, what if we gained the awareness that we are all weak in some way? What if we realized that our weaknesses, even the ones that we want no one to know about, do not diminish our worth as a person?  What if we realized that it is not all about us? What if we realized how valuable our life is, and, thus used our time to make a positive impact on the world around us?

Here is what I learned about how to lose arrogant pride and thus gain joy:

  1. View life as a gift.—About four years ago, I started having pains in my side. My parents and I thought it was just a hernia from lifting heavy things at my job at the time. However, when I started throwing up blood, my parents drove me to the hospital, and I was admitted almost right away. As it turned out, my gall bladder was about twice the size it should have been and inflamed.  If I had waited just a few hours later to go to the hospital, my gall bladder would have burst, and I would probably not be here to share this story with you today.  Strangely enough, I did not realize how close I was to death, until about three years later, when a co-worker from my current job exclaimed, “You could have died!” when I told her my story. Hopefully, it won’t take almost dying to view your life as a gift, but that is what I realized that day. Another time when I could have come close to dying was when I was driving to church, a few months ago, and a driver could have crashed into me and caused a serious accident had I not stopped for them in the nick of time!  From those incidents, I realized how fleeting life can be, and how it can be taken from me at any moment.  Thus, I also realized that we should view each blessing (good thing) that we are given as a gift and treat them accordingly.  Another thing I learned about life is to savor each moment we are given, because we will never be given the exact same opportunities again. Often, we (me included) are so busy that we just brush past our activities and those we encounter, and don’t really enjoy or value them.  Nearly dying at least twice in my life, has helped me begin to savor each moment more. It is a work in progress, but I found that when I am able to slow down and savor the moment, I am much more joyful and less stuck on myself and what I want to accomplish at that time.
  2. Stop comparing and envying.—Envy and the comparison game are great contributors to arrogant pride. I mentioned in a previous post that I was envious of several people in my life because I felt inadequate and lacking compared to them. However, several years ago, I realized that by envying them, I was accomplishing absolutely nothing for my own life.  Envying them did not make me more successful or strengthen my relationships to these people. In fact, it probably created an invisible barrier between us!   Another thing I learned (and am continuing to learn) is to stop comparing myself to people that I think are “better” in some way than me. This only leads to depression and/or prideful arrogance against them, as one may compensate by thinking about something in themselves that is way better than the envied person just to cover up their envy.
  3. Treasure others as much as yourself.—One way to combat arrogant pride is to think more (or as much) about others as yourself. For example, if you see someone is tired and stressed out at your job because they are overwhelmed by their work, offer to help them out. Do not only think about how much you are stressed out or how much you want to go home, right now. Another way to treasure others as much as you is to learn other people’s life stories.  Get to know people, not only their favorite foods or their favorite sport, but also what their goals in life are, what makes them joyful and sad, what happened in their past to make them the people they are today. Above all, live to serve others.  This does not mean to be a doormat and cater to someone taking advantage of you. However, living to serve others means to sometimes sacrifice what you want, for another person’s joy.  It also means living to make a positive difference in others’ lives and bringing hope to others.
  4. We should also stop thinking that anyone “owes” us anything.—The entitlement mentality also is a great contributor to arrogant pride because it focuses exclusively on self and our “rights.” The longer I live, the more I realize that no one really “owes” me anything. When I view everything as a gift, this thinking can be stopped right in its tracks. Another way to stop entitlement mentality is to remember the mercy and grace shown to you  in your life. For example, if you did something nice for someone else, and that person does not even say “Thank you,” do not hold a grudge against them because you think you have “the right” to be appreciated.  Instead, remember all the times someone else did something nice to you and you forgot to say thank you, but they did not hold it against you.  Also, try to remember the times where you did not get the bad you deserved, or got the good you did not merit. For instance, even though I am sometimes selfish and bone-headed, people still generally treat me with kindness and patience.  Remembering this helps me to lose the mentality that I am “owed” anything.

 

When we live each day as a gift given to us, rather than something we are owed, we gain much joy and hope in our lives. Also, when we stop comparing and envying what others have, we are much more apt to appreciate and focus on the good we already are blessed to possess.  Finally, when we live to serve others, rather than just ourselves, we get away from the “poor-me” and  entitlement mentalities and gain much joy in knowing we have made a positive difference in countless lives.