I almost killed myself. Several times in my life. Recently, my friend related his interactions with a bullied classmate that was daily experiencing torment from his (the classmate’s) peers, before the classmate took his own life. Suddenly, I realized that had God not intervened when He did, that bullied classmate’s fate could have well been mine as well.
As a female on the spectrum, I am no stranger to the experience of having been bullied, and eventually losing the will to live. My peers teased me from everything from my appearance to my socially awkward mannerisms. The ones that did not bully me either ignored me or hung out with me out of pity for my lack of friends and social skills. They dared not become too close to me and genuinely get to really know me as a person with hopes and dreams. These people may have meant well, but I could see through their veneers.
In high school, after being emotionally and verbally abused by a teacher (Yes, you read that right. An. Adult. Teacher), I came to the brink of suicide. With little intimate support, other than my parents who didn’t know what went on until later, I thought things would never get better. I had strong suicidal ideations. I was also jealous of my younger brother who I thought had everything I lacked.
Unlike my friend’s classmate, I did not end up taking my own life. God, in His goodness and mercy, slowly revealed Himself and His love for me. God slowly brought people into my life that helped me through the challenges of my season of life—People that believed in me, that did not just pity me, but encouraged my God-given abilities and really wanted to relate to me as a person and know my life story.
I have heard and seen some people say that if it weren’t for their pet (or insert “X” thing/person here), they would have no reason to live. I say, if I did not have God and He never intervened in my life, I would have no reason to live.
Thankfully, God is my reason to live, and Hedid intervene in my life numerous times when I needed Him the most! God has also motivated me to strive for excellence in everything I do, regardless of the temporal rewards that may await because eternal ones are much more valuable to me. God has also made me realize that there are people that need to hear my story of how He rescued me and gave me hope, because many people desperately need that right now.
They need to hear your story as well. So, whatever situation you are facing, don’t give up. Don’t. Give. Up. You can save someone’s life in the future simply by not giving up on yours and triumphing through life’s challenges. Someone will need to hear your story. Let yours be one of hope and perseverance for others.
If you are feeling like giving up, there is help for you. You don’t have to go through this life alone. Please call 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Hotline) if you or someone you know is feeling like giving up on life. Remember, you are NOT alone, and there is hope for you as long as you are still alive.
According to a Forbes article on demotivation at work, two major causes of job dissatisfaction are unpleasant or incompetent bosses and unpleasant co-workers (1). I have certainly found that to be the case for many people I have encountered that have worked for various companies. It is true that we cannot change other people’s behaviors or hearts. However, in my career in retail sales, I have learned these things about how to get along with a manager or co-worker that was difficult:
Realize you cannot change a person’s heart towards you, work, or anyone or anything else.—I had a manager (see also:What I Learned From My Manager) who I had such a tough time dealing with that I used to pray to God every day for 1 1/2 years for our relationship to get better, not thinking God would actually really do anything to fix our work relationship. Finally, things got so bad, that I was full of wrath and anxiety when, on my day off, I walked into church for bible study! I wasn’t even thinking about God or church. I was consumed with both fear and anger of my manager. However, after my pastor at the time counseled me through the situation I had with my manager, I had an epiphany: I realized that I had spent so much time trying to change my manager, that I failed to look in the mirror and examine the things in my heart that I needed to change! Once I realized that I couldn’t change my manager’s heart, I began to shift into a more positive attitude towards him and I became free of my bitterness and anger that I had held inside for so long! When he left the company, I was on such good terms with him that we considered each other friends! I had a co-worker that I had a really tough time dealing with also, but once I realized that I couldn’t change them (or get rid of them), I became more patient and friendlier towards them. So I learned to not try to force someone to change their behavior by being vengeful or venting my anger towards 20 or so other people. You need to accept that you cannot change that person’s heart, and that only God can change them.
Be intentionally kind to the person with whom you are having difficulties. –Yes, this is completely against our human nature, but it is what Jesus would do. When I was having difficulties with my aforementioned manager, I realized that he was working very hard and not having enough time to eat adequately, so I shared some of my food with him. I am not mentioning this to pat myself on my back (after all, I was also the same person who treated him before with malice and contempt), but to illustrate how being intentionally kind can change one’s attitude towards another. This is why pastors advise their congregants to pray a blessing on a person whom they view to be “difficult” or the “enemy”. Other ways to be intentionally kind to someone who is difficult to get along with is to help them with their work when you see them struggling, compliment them in a genuine way about how they are working or if you see an improvement in some aspect of their attitude, and saying “thank you” if they do something nice for you that you do not expect of them.
Avoid gossiping about the person with whom you are having difficulties. –Most people have gossiped about someone that they did not like and with whom they were having difficulties. I think most of the problems that I have had would have been avoided if I did not “vent” about these people with whom I thought were “difficult” to other coworkers and managers, and I instead talked gracefully towards the person directly. However, fear, coupled with my prideful attitude towards the situation prevented me from talking to that person directly. If someone else gossips to you about a person that they are having difficulties with, a good question to ask them is, “Have you talked to that person [with whom you are having difficulties] about this?” If they haven’t, tell them to either talk to them directly or a manager if they are having fears about confronting that person alone. Remember, it is gossip if the person you are talking to about the situation is not part of the solution or problem.
My pastor talked about showing grace to others today, especially in this chaotic time we are in these days. When we realize we can’t change anyone’s heart by ourselves, when we are intentionally kind to others, even our enemies, and if we avoiding gossiping about co-workers and bosses we don’t like, we will not only be able to show more grace at work, we will receive the same as well.
As some of you may know, I am in the process of writing a
memoir about things that I have had to overcome to be who I am now. One of the toughest parts to write so far has
been a period in my life where I couldn’t see the light at the end of the
tunnel, and when I felt like I had little hope or future in my life. Those were
my middle school years—when I was about 12-14 years old. Sometimes, I wish I knew all that I know now,
back then, so that I wouldn’t have been so miserable and hopeless. However, if I didn’t go through what I did
back then, I would have never become the person I am today either. If I could go back and mentor my middle
school self, this is what I would advise her:
God will always bring good out of suffering.–If I knew that all the pain, heartache, and hopelessness that I felt when I was in middle (J.R. high school) school was going to amount to something even half-good, I would have not felt as miserable as I did. The fact is because of the bullying and the pain I experienced in middle school, I am better equipped to help others who are struggling similarly. Because God and others helped me overcome the pain I endured before, my story can give others hope that, they, too can reach the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. In fact, if you are struggling right now, or have struggled, and you don’t know if these challenges are going to add up to anything good, know that your story can one day give others who are struggling, hope, if you don’t give up now. Many times during that dark period in my life I wanted to commit suicide, but God, in His sovereign wisdom did not allow me. Thank God He didn’t, or else I wouldn’t be here sharing this!
If people don’t accept you for you, don’t try to please them or let them rent space in your life.—In middle school, I struggled to gain the acceptance and the close friendship of my peers. All in all, though I may have appeared happy, I was really dying inside. I tried to learn from them sometimes in an attempt to mimic their behaviors, so I would be more “acceptable,” but it never seemed like it was enough. The same people I wanted to impress probably saw through me, and, in the end, I was still in the same spot I was in the first place—lonely and unacceptable to my peers. Now, I have learned that if people want me to change things that are part of how God made me, like how I look on the outside (like my ethnicity), or don’t want to accept that I am an INFJ on the spectrum, that I should not put stock in trying to please them. In fact, I have had to let go of several people in the past ten years that haven’t really accepted me for who God made me to be. It really is better to be hated for who you are, then “loved” for who you are not, as people will find out the Real You anyway. Be authentic to yourself and others.
Grades aren’t everything.—I was so fixated on grades, that when I did poorly, I was deathly afraid that I would make my dad livid and more so, that I would flunk out of school. Even though I tried my best to do well in school, and had decent grades, they had absolutely ZERO impact on helping me find the job I have now! Some teachers may say to a student who is struggling that if they don’t improve, they will end up working at “McDonalds.” What these teachers don’t understand is that one could make decent grades and graduate from a half-way decent college, and STILL work at McDonalds! Also, someone could graduate with a “C” average in school, but end up making millions of dollars in acting or even starting their own business if they know what they are doing. I would still advise my middle school self to work diligently in school, but not get too anxious if I failed one test!
Having convictions and drive will make you more successful in life than if you are just “getting by.”—Although I worked hard in school, I only did so to make my parents happy and for fear of failure. However, I have discovered in the past few years that my attitude back then is similar to how many people view their jobs, as just a way to “get by”. Yes, we should make sure we are making enough money in our jobs to make ends meet, but it shouldn’t be about just that. Although I don’t make even close to a million dollars a year at my job, I still strive to go above and beyond and do the best I can every single day. Why? Because I want to glorify God and show people that working diligently can be a more satisfying and enriching learning experience if you approach your job as a calling, and not only to make money. Because I am convinced God has placed me in my job to impact a certain group of people for a reason, I am more motivated to do my best, even when I may not get a raise for years. If I approached my school as a calling, rather than just trying to gain the acceptance of love of people who were already set in their opinion of me, I think I would have been a lot happier.
I am convinced that if I had learned these lessons in middle
school, I would not have struggled as much back then. However, I am glad that I
did eventually learn these lessons, though, sometimes, like other things I have
learned, sometimes I need to go back and review them. I am glad for these lessons, because without
them, I would have never grown into the person I am today. And I am glad for the God that helped me
I am saddened and dismayed by the political vitriol and discord that has gone on in my country, and frankly, around the world as well. Unfortunately, I have taken part in heated and aggressive arguing before. It was about twenty years ago in an online forum. I may have considered myself a believer in Christ, but I doubt I really was at the time. Worse yet, one of my hateful messages became a featured message on that particular website! I regret writing that message to this day, and hope it is not still up there. I don’t even remember what I wrote, but I know it didn’t build up or respect anyone at all. Thankfully, God did not leave me hate-filled and aggressive like I was before, and He has taught me, through many respectable and grace-filled Christians, how to speak my mind more gracefully. Here is what I learned, and continue to learn:
When confronted with a person or person with an opposing view, make sure you understand what they are actually saying, and define terminology. —I was in an online discussion on a social media platform that got heated because both sides seemed to not understand what the other person’s view actually was. That’s why I asked them to define terms. For instance, I’ve seen and heard people arguing against the stay at home order in their state. Other people accused them of being “selfish” because they are arguing against it. In order for either party to share their beliefs with grace, they need to try to understand where the party with the opposing belief is coming from. The party that called the people protesting or arguing about the stay at home order “selfish” could instead see what part of the stay at home order they are against. The people protesting may not be against all stay at home orders, but just the more restrictive parts of it. The people who are for the stay at home orders may just come out of a concern and care for others’ well -are and safety and are not intending to be “tyrannical,” as those protesting the orders may think. Also, it would be useful for both parties to define clearly and precisely the term “stay at home order.” What would it include? What would it not include?
Focus on what you agree on, not on what divides you.—In my example about the stay at home order, it may be useful to focus more on what unites you, not only what you disagree about. Both parties in arguing about the stay at home order issue seem to come out of a concern for what they feel is the greater good. The party that supports people staying at home until COVID-19 passes wants people to stay safe and not potentially spread the virus, especially to the most vulnerable in society. The party that supports lifting some restrictions on the stay at home order in their state may want the economy to recover so that less people would be out of work and have income to buy food and other necessities.
Never name-call or denigrate the other side.–What I see in many bitter and contemptible debates is that people tend to demonize and denigrate the opposing side. They do not see the opposing side as humans with goals and dreams like us, but instead as a demon or even the devil himself! If we want to speak our mind with grace, we can never demonize the other side. We must remember that no matter what side a person is on, they are humans, created in God’s image, like we are. They have hopes, dreams, and families, like we do. If someone, especially in an online forum, starts resorting to name-calling or otherwise denigrating you, you can shut down the conversation by not responding to their comments and getting out of the forum. This will allow both parties to cool down, or, at least stop the verbal escalation from getting worse. Sometimes, I even refrain from sharing my beliefs, not so much because I’m afraid to, but because I do not want to get into a name-calling, hateful debate with others.
I find that when we try to understand where our opponent is coming from, when I focus on where I agree with my opponent instead of only what divides us, and when I treat my opponent with respect and grace, that we will understand and love each other better. This pandemic alone won’t unite people, but a heart that respects and gives grace to even our opponents, can and will. Let’s feel free to share our beliefs, but let’s do so with a humble and a gracious attitude.
(August 2019, as of this writing) has been a busy and stressful month, but I am
grateful for all God has done in my life during this time. Right now, we are in the process of
remodeling our countertops, since ours was outdated. We had waited for a month
to get it done. During that time, my family and I were tempted to question if
it would ever get done. We had to take out the kitchen sink, so we had to walk
to the laundry room sink to cook or even wash our hands. Everything in the drawers and cabinets also
had to be taken out.
Right now, I hear the workers coming in and out of our house
to set the VERY heavy countertops in our kitchen. Thankfully, the weather is nice, and not
excessively hot or cool, so opening the door outside is not a problem. Also,
the workers would not get too exhausted, since it is not excessively humid or
Not only in the matter of the countertops, but also in other
areas of my life, God has been working to show me that He is always good, even
when we, or our circumstances, are not.
I learned that:
God puts trials in our lives to grow us.
God always provides for our needs.
God always works things out for the good of
those who love Him (Romans 8:28)
First of all, God puts trials in our lives to grow us. I will be one of the first to admit; I have
an aversion to trials, mostly because of anxiety and fear that things may turn
out disastrous once I’m in the trial.
However, thinking about some of the trials that I have been in
throughout my life, even this month, I have seen that most of them have helped
me grow in my character and trust of God.
For instance, this week I worked at another location than the place I
normally work. Because I have a tendency
to get lost in place where I’m not familiar, I had someone drive me. However,
their car overheated on the way there.
Immediately in our minds, we were understandably (my co-worker more than
me) stressed out and I even was thinking that I may not be able to get to the
location at all! However, I tried to stay calm, while my co-worker asked for
help. Eventually, we were able to get to
the location we were supposed to be working at after that. Moreover, God provided someone else to drive
me back to my regular workplace safely, and a friend to take my coworker to get
his car towed and repaired. Through this
little trial, God taught me to trust Him to provide for me, and that I didn’t have
to panic or get anxious during a trial.
Sometimes, I have even found that God allows trials in our lives to
prepare us for the future. For instance, the experience with not having a
kitchen sink for a month, and even working in another location, may be
preparing me for something in my future or even to grow more versatile
Second of all, I learned that God always provides for our
needs. Even when we didn’t have a kitchen sink, God provided the laundry room
sink so that we could wash our dishes, our hands, and cook (to get the
water). When I worked in the other
location, I learned to be grateful that I am working where I am at now, and not
to gripe about it, even if others around me may be. I learned that where I’m working at now is
really a decent place to work and is the right place for my personality, my
giftedness, and the season of life I’m in right now, despite people around me
quitting or encouraging me to quit. When
God provided a job for me at my current workplace location (On how I got my
current job, click here.), He knew what He was doing, and His plan was good and
perfect for me!
Finally, God always works things out for the good of those
who love Him. Last week, I was a little
bit concerned about having to work the whole department by myself this past
Monday and Tuesday. God knew I would be
overwhelmed if I had to work those days in my normal location. So, an hour after
I was clocked in on Monday and started doing freight, one of my managers asked,
“Patricia, would you like to work at [name of other location]?
I said, “ I can’t drive far distances in locations I am not
familiar with. First of all, I don’t
have GPS. I also get lost really easily when I have to drive to places where
I’m not familiar with, but if there is someone that could drive me there and
back, I could.”
My manager replied, “if [name of a co-worker] is willing to
drive you, would you come?”
I replied, “Sure.”
So, I ended up working at the other location on Monday. After I came back to my normal workplace
location, one of my higher up managers wanted me to work at that same location
I was in Monday, and I agreed. My
anxiety over having to work the entire area by myself on Monday, and especially
Tuesday, melted away, because I didn’t really have to work the department at
all! Moreover, there were not too many
customers those days, so the area wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be when I
came back to work in my regular location on Wednesday with my co-worker Todd*.
This sure has been a busy and hectic week, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything, because God has taught me so much. Though I knew intellectually that God is good, now I can see God’s hand and His goodness more clearly in my life. May you see the goodness of God in your life as well!
*=name has been changed to protect the privacy of the individual mentioned.
I wrote on April 9, 1999, when I was still in high school:
“I wish I could be more […] effervescent (lively). I feel dead without being
physically killed. I hope I don’t die emotionally, but I am dying. If I could
only find that zest, that greatness life is supposed to hold. But where is it,
at least in me?” I had no hope. I was
fine physically, but I was slowly dying inside.
I’m thankful that I didn’t die or take my own life. Though I didn’t know it on April 9, about one
year later, I would find Hope. Hope that helped me through the storms, and come
out on the other side being greeted with a beaming joy and confidence that I
had only dreamed of years before. Hope has also given me drive to persevere,
even when I thought I could never make it. Hope has redeemed relationships that
I thought were forever shattered. Hope
has taken the junk in my life, and made it a treasure.
Hope was, and always is, Jesus.
Hope has given me purpose to live. Before I became a follower of Christ, I was
living aimlessly, for myself. I had adequate material things, but I never
really thought about blessing others with it.
I wanted to excel academically, but that was getting more and more
difficult, and my limitations were becoming more apparent.
With Jesus, I have realized that the world is so much bigger
than me. With Jesus, I am able to partner with Him to share His great love and
hope for a world that is looking for something bigger than the pain and the
drudgery that life often brings.
Hope has given me a light at the end of the tunnel. I still
struggle with depression occasionally, but now even in it, I have hope that God
will bring good out of even that. I have
hope, because God’s strength and light will help me overcome a depressive
episode. I have hope because God has
surrounded me with a group of people who love and care for me.
Hope has given me renewed confidence and joy that I had
never known before. Since I found Hope,
He has provided me with several communities of believers who have had my back
and who care for one another. This
support network I have had has helped me through some of the toughest times of
my life, and even helped deliver me from some really bad situations.
Hope has provided me with my current job and some great
managers, including several that believed in me enough to help me learn new
things. I want to give a shout out to my
now-former manager Elizabeth* who believed in me enough to allow me to train to
be a back-up cashier and learn some managerial tasks as well. I want to give a shout out to my now former
manager Chris* who took the chance and first hired me.
Hope has provided me a great mentor, in J, who always
believed in my abilities and was God’s message to me that He would use me to
accomplish His great will in my life.
Hope has provided me countless wonderful friends who have
put up with my depressive episodes and have helped cheer me on.
Hope has given me much hope for the future. Hope has given
me freedom from the shackles that held me back in my past.
Recently, I have seen or witnessed more than my fair share
of what happens when compassion is lacking or absent in the workplace. I saw a
video of a person vandalizing company property because they had been bullied so
much there. Now, there is even training in many companies of how to survive a
workplace shooting! What has this world come to? And how can we do our part to
make sure each associate and client in the workplace is treated with dignity
One of the ways we can do this is by showing compassion to others. According to Merriam- Webster.com, compassion can be defined as “ sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress to alleviate it.” (“Definition of Compassion, Merriam-Webster). In other words, compassion is having a heart to help and heal others through their pain and struggles.
Why we should show compassion:
The primary reason for us to show compassion is because
Christ did. In Matt 9:36, when he was preaching in the cities to crowds, He
“was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered
abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.” In Matt 15:32, Jesus said to His
disciples, “ I have compassion on the multitude,because they continue with me
now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not send them away fasting,
lest they faint in the way.” In each instance, Jesus wanted to provide for
them, either or both physical or spiritual nourishment. Compassion is different
from pity in that compassion strives for action, while pity is more passive and
often takes a hint of condescension.
We should also show compassion for the sake of our humanity.
When we regularly and intentionally show compassion to others, we become more
caring, and thus, more human. Some people reason if they stop caring about
others, they won’t get hurt. While that may have some truth to it, being
completely apathetic breeds monsters. The results are people murdering and/ or
abusing others “for fun” or just to suit some sadistic fantasy. These people are so callous, they no longer
have the capacity to truly care about anyone outside themselves.
Furthermore, we should show compassion for others to help
save lives or at least avert violence in the workplace. In the example of a
person being bullied by colleagues and even managers, what if instead they
tried to ascribe dignity and compassion to them? What if instead of
participating in workplace gossip, we focused instead on thanking those who
work hard for us everyday? If someone is clearly distraught or upset, instead
of ignoring or ridiculing them, we should try to comfort and be encouraging to
them. When we do this for the people who
work with us, or for our clients, we can sometimes save their lives. Maybe if
more people showed compassion, less troubled people would be tempted to wreak
havoc at our jobs. Instead, they would have more motivation to do something
positive with their lives because they know someone cares.
Last, but not least, compassion breeds productivity. For
example, one of my now-former managers, *Elizabeth, knew I was very stressed
one day, and instead of punishing me or getting upset at me, reiterated the
qualities she admired in me, and encouraged me to not give up. Also, Elizabeth
also allowed me to learn many things under her direction and didn’t give up on
me when I didn’t get it right the first time. Her compassion for me when I was
stressed and when no one else believed in me is a big part of what kept me
going during tough times in our store.
Now when I’m stressed and remember what Elizabeth said to me, I feel
much more motivated to persevere through the stress.
Ways to Demonstrate Compassion:
Some of the ways we should demonstrate compassion are:
To encourage others who are going through a tough time.– When someone looks stressed or upset, be there to comfort and encourage them. For instance, if a co-worker is going through a divorce with their soon-to-be ex spouse, tell them they are not alone and help them through that with whatever you can.
To pray for others.– Another way we can demonstrate compassion at work is to be willing to pray for others if they tell you of a need or concern and are open to prayer. Many people see our willingness to care enough to put their needs and concerns before the Lord as a refreshing and positive thing.
To serve others.– I have had several coworkers who have struggled with physical health issues, so I have offered to help them with some of their tasks. This allows them to be more relaxed and thus heal faster, then if they had to work at the same frantic pace that may be expected of them when they are 100%. Another way one can help is to pick up some of their shifts if they anticipate not being able to work at all.
To appreciate others’ good work– When you see someone doing a good job or if someone does something to help you, thank them. Write a note of encouragement and appreciation to the colleagues that have helped you the most, and the managers that do above and beyond what is expected of them.
As you can see, compassion goes a long way to improving morale and general workplace conditions. When we show compassion and care, we learn to be more Christlike; we avoid becoming callous monsters, we can help save lives, and help increase productivity, and thus profit for our company.
When I was growing up, I was a naughty and very active
child. Despite my energy, I did not
really have any close friends. Back then,
I dreamed of one day going to a prestigious university, like my parents, and
getting the best grades possible. I probably thought, unconsciously, that if I
made it to a prestigious and a good university, I would then be able to get a
job that would pay me a lot of money, and thus I would win friends and
Indeed, I worked very hard in school and got decent
grades. However, I really didn’t have
passion for the content of what I studied; I just wanted to do well to please
my parents and also to be “the
I wanted to be respected and
valued. In retrospect, getting good grades at school became a sort of idol for
me. I worshipped the god of achievement,
and without it, I reasoned that I was worthless.
Then, when I was sixteen years old, I struggled through
several classes. I no longer got the grades I wanted or needed. I was even in
danger of failing a class. One of my teachers even said in so many words that
he didn’t believe I would ever amount to much in this life, probably partly due
to the fact I wasn’t doing so well in his class. I also lacked peer support. In
fact, no one in my class dared to counter what that teacher said to me. I also
I felt my family could not relate to the turmoil inside me, as they seemed to
be living a different life. In fact, in
a journal entry from April 1999, I had written, “I wish I could be more […]
effervescent (lively). I feel dead without being physically killed. I hope I
don’t die emotionally, but I am dying. If I could only find that zest, that
greatness life is supposed to hold. But where is it, at least in me?” I was so
depressed that I wanted an escape, maybe to even end my life.
However, several months later, God saved me from that. Fast forward a few years later, I went to
college, but not at a prestigious university which I had dreamed. After I graduated, I tried to look for work
in my field of study, but to no avail.
After that, I finally found a part-time job in retail.
There, I learned many customer service skills and other people skills I needed
to succeed. I did well there, but after
a while, I felt God calling me to somewhere else—a place where I never
thought I’d end up. It was during that
time, that God was preparing me for a new life, where He would give me more
than I could have ever dreamed.
I was so excited when I got an interview at one of the local
bookstores near where I lived! I had always dreamed of working in a
bookstore! I loved books, and the
workers there seemed nice. However, the
day of the interview, I quickly found out that I wasn’t the right fit. At this point, I didn’t think I would get
another job opportunity any time soon. The search went on.
Then, one, cold wintry day on February 25, 2016, I went with
my mom to the store I now work to buy a few things. What I did not know was that trip would
change my life forever.
I asked the HR representative the status of my resume, and
after that she offered me to interview at 1 pm.
Since I didn’t have adequate time to prepare or change into more formal
attire, my mom and I ate lunch at the mall nearby, and then I went back to the
store to get interviewed. When I got
interviewed, I was so nervous and stuttering over my words, that I thought
surely they wouldn’t accept me. To my surprise, I got a job offer! I waited
until the next day to accept, after I sought counsel from my family. On March 10, I officially started at my
Meanwhile, many people were leaving my now-former church. I
loved that church, but inside there were so many changes that it rocked the
congregation. About half of the congregation left or were in the process of
leaving. At about the same period of
time, my brother told my parents and me that he was going to go to school in
Texas to get his Master’s degree. What I
didn’t know then was my brother was going to live there permanently.
I felt, except for my new job, that my dreams were going to
be shattered all over again. I would
either have to accept the changes at my now-former church or find somewhere
different to worship. Not going to church wasn’t even an option for me. I would also have to adjust to life without some of the support of my brother.
My brother left for Texas in August 2016. The day he left,
the house felt hollow and quiet. The basement that used to be full of my
brother’s stuff was now almost bare, but habitable again. My dad went with my brother to help him move.
My mom and I remained at home. I felt numb and solemn that day. My heart felt
like there was something missing—the void where my brother’s physical
presence radiated my life.
Then, in mid-October, I said goodbye to the church that I
had been attending for about ten years.
It was very hard, as I had established so many friendships there, and
these people were like a second family to me.
Before I left to visit a church nearby, I was in tears, as I said
goodbye to some of the congregants.
However, there was a very bright spot, in the midst of all
the goodbyes, a month before I left my now-former church.
In September, I was working the swing shift, and one of my
managers, Hope* was closing with me. She
was complimenting me about my performance that day. Since I was still
part-time, I told her, “I am thinking of becoming full-time. However, Chris*,
my manager, said I should wait a while. I was wondering how long I should
wait.” Then, Hope replied, “You shouldn’t have to wait. You deserve
full-time.” Later on, or the next day,
she put me in for full-time. Later, Chris also approved my full- time status. I
was ecstatic! Because of all the
challenges that I had to face, I never dreamed I would ever get a full time job
in my life!
A month later, after I had left my former church, I visited
another church. It had many more people
than the one I had previously visited. A
friendly couple greeted me and I sat by them.
Even the pastors were friendly. The sermon that day was very
thought-provoking and relatable to what I was going through in my life. I
didn’t know yet if this was going to be my new home church, but I liked their
genuineness and their devotion to the Word of God, so I kept going. In August
of the next year, I officially became a member of my current church. Through my church, I have learned how to have
an engaging quiet time with God, how to view life more positively and
differently than most of the rest of the world, and how to forgive people who
have hurt you deeply.
God’s Perfect Plan
No, I never got the six figure salary I had dreamed of, nor
did I get into a prestigious college. However, I have been blessed with more
than I could have ever dreamed. Through my church family and people at work, I
have gained a strong support system. Also, I am still in touch with several
people from my old church, who I still consider good friends, even though they
live very far away from where I am now. Through the tough situations I find myself in
at work, God has used those to strengthen and shape my character into His. Through church, I continue to train to be
able to share the love and hope that I found in life through God and His
gracious plans for me. Yes, I still have
bad days, but overall, I have found more joy and satisfaction during these past
two years, than at any other time in my life. God has certainly blessed me with
more than I could ever dream!
I believe that most of our problems in relationships stem from an “I-deserve-better” attitude. This past Friday (at the time of this writing), a disgruntled former employee opened fire and killed five of his co-workers at a manufacturing facility, about a half hour from where I live. I attest one of the reasons why he got so angry was because he thought he truly deserved the job, and when his bosses fired him, everything in this former worker unraveled before him. Though most of us would not murder when we don’t get what we think we deserve, we can still get tempted to get similarly angry when our “rights are being violated” or we think we aren’t “getting the good we deserve in this life.” This causes us, me included, unfortunately, to become defensive and angry at those around us…and even at God. However, a good thing to keep in mind, especially if you are a follower of Christ, is, “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17a) and that we don’t really deserve anything! When we have a mindset that everything good in this life is undeserved and is a gift of grace from above, this entitlement attitude starts to disappear. However, in the society we live in, especially if you live in a Western country, this entitlement attitude is deeply ingrained in us, me included, that I think we need to learn how to embrace the “gift” mentality instead. Here are some things that I have learned about why we should strive to treat whoever and whatever comes our way as gifts, not as something “owed” to us.
When we think we are entitled to someone or something, we
are not acknowledging that God really owns it all. However, when we acknowledge that everything
we get is a gift from God, we are recognizing His control and His power over
our lives—an important aspect of true worship. My pastor said today that we
must be willing to be a living sacrifice in order to truly worship God, and
part of being a sacrifice is relinquishing our rights to His control. If you work, even the money we “earn” from
your job is a gift because it is God who gave you the abilities and skills to
do your job well enough to be able to sustain employment and thus a paycheck! I
wonder if the recent shooting on Friday could have been avoided if, when the
man who shot five people at his job got fired, instead of getting angry at this
perceived injustice, he just appreciated the money he had already gotten from
his job and just appreciated the gifts he still had in his life more.
When we see everything we have as a gift, and not something
that someone “owes” us, we become more able to be content with life, even with
its caveats and imperfections. Think
about how it feels when you get a gift that you totally do not expect or
deserve. Not only are you most likely to
feel intense joy, but also, more likely, an overwhelming sense of gratitude and
humility towards the person who gave you the gift. When we strive to approach our lives the same
way, each blessing we get will cause us to feel joy and gratitude. However, when we think we are owed something
or that we “earned” something, we are not as grateful because whatever we get
is our due, anyway, or so we believe. This is why most of us get upset when we
don’t feel we are getting what we perceive is owed us. We see it as an
injustice, a violation of our moral rights.
However, if we take away the “scoreboard” in our souls of things supposedly owed us,
this anger has no longer has any place to reside, and will melt away.
When we see everyone and everything that is given to us as a
gift, we tend to value them more. For
instance, if my friend gives me something that I perceive is from his or her
heart and that is not owed me, I tend to want to take better care of it, so
that I don’t lose the preciousness of the gift.
This not only applies to material gifts, it also applies to treating
each person as a gift from above. When
we treat each person as a gift from above, instead of someone or something
disposable or suited only to meet our needs, we tend to treat them better. I have witnessed and heard in many different
workplaces, unfortunately, of people being treated like disposable objects, or
at best, tools, if you will, instead of the precious, complex image-bearers of
God they are. This mentality seems to be
growing worse and more prevalent, not only in workplaces, but also in other
social constructs as well. However, when
we go against the grain and strive to treat each person we encounter as the precious
gifts they are, we can not only touch lives, we can change the world around us
for the better.
When we acknowledge everything we get is a gift, not
something we are owed, we are most ready to worship God rightly; we are more
likely to be content and grateful with our lives, and we will value those
around us more. This week God has been
teaching me over and over again that everything I get from Him is a gift, and
not something I could really deserve or earn.
When I realize all that has been given to me, I realize that I am
blessed beyond measure by a God who gives me more than I could ever deserve.
everyone who believed in the potential of a woman with ordinary dreams
One day, at work with two other of her
colleagues, chatting over their childhoods during break, a woman– the one with
ordinary dreams, said, “When I was growing up, I was naughty, and I didn’t have
many friends. One of my peers even said, ‘You are a very difficult person to
get along with’.”
Neither of her colleagues believed her.
But it was all too true.
About 25 years earlier, because of her
disability and other differences, the woman with ordinary dreams was never
taken seriously, regularly taken advantage of by peers, and was often chosen
last for team sports in gym class and class projects. No one really wanted to
look into her soul and get to know her. She was too selfish, rigid, and
difficult; they reasoned.
Ten years later, she became a bit easier to
deal with, but had a paranoia and bitter pain in her soul. She really felt she
couldn’t trust, much less open up to, anyone. Never had this girl thought she’d
ever really be valued in anyone’s eyes. Confirming this despair, one of her
teachers had said in so many condemning, angry words that she would probably
not amount to much in life, and she believed this for fifteen long years. The
week this teacher told her this, this girl with ordinary dreams– one of which
was to be accepted and loved for who she was– , saw that dream shatter before
her eyes. She reasoned if she would never really be loved for who she was, even
to her hurting soul, life was no longer worth it.
Thus, she contemplated suicide, but then God
rescued her from self- destruction and despair.
The woman with ordinary dreams meets her
mentor who would change her life forever because her mentor believed in her
potential and the value of her soul. The mentor keeps prodding and helping the
woman until she lands a job in which she can actually succeed. The mentor also
helps her gain confidence in herself and believe in her dreams again. Even to
her dream of one day becoming a writer
and getting a full- time job somewhere, the mentor never ridiculed or
dismissed, but actively helps the woman fulfill them.
The woman with ordinary dreams senses God
leading her to a new job, since a previous one no longer fit into her expansive
dreams. The woman, with dreams of being a writer and being loved, is stoked
about getting an interview at a bookstore, which she considers her “dream” job
that would lead her to be able to write someday . However, during the actual
interview, it was made clear to her that this was not the job God had for her.
Her dreams are shattered once again.
However, she does not give up. Going into a
store, which she applied for, to buy a few things, she suddenly hears a voice in her soul that told her to ask
about the application. She does and, subsequently gets an interview. The
interviewer, she finds out later, was going to be her manager!
That manager is the hardest worker she has
ever seen in her life! While preparing the logistics for the interview and
afterwards, she sees the manager also stocking items in the area he manages, or
The woman is shocked to find out that she has
been accepted for the job–and happy as well.
However, she doesn’t know then, that God would use that job to fulfill
her ordinary dreams of being loved and also becoming full-time.
That woman was me.
This month marks three years with my current job. It may not seem like much, but considering I’ve not had many jobs where I was in one company that long, it is only by God’s grace, my mentor J, Chris*, Elizabeth *, and countless others who believed I could be of value to them, that I was able to make it this far. My wonderful co- workers and managers in #1401 have taught me so much. I aspire to be like my mentor J, who never gave up on me and who valued me. I aspire to be like Chris, whose work ethic and dedication to his associates is a model for me to follow. I aspire to be like Elizabeth, who always believed in her associates’ potentials and encouraged them to reach for the stars. She encouraged me to learn to cashier when others seemed more reluctant to take me on, and satisfied my curiosity to learn new skills and to try my best always. I aspire to be like Hope*, who first offered me full- time and encouraged me to strive for excellence.
Thank you everyone at #1401 who helped me get
to where I am today. Today, I am able to realize my ordinary dreams, all
because you believed in me.
*= names changed for privacy of the