How Jesus Has Saved and Redeemed Me

written April 16, 2019

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Sunday night, after a snowstorm had ended for the day, I realized how much pain and anguish Jesus had gone through for us—for me, during the last hours of His life, 2,000 years ago, as my pastor relayed the excruciating details of what Jesus had suffered.  Over the past few weeks, I confess there had been so much stress going on in my life that I had lost sight of God’s presence and even love for me.   However, as I look back over my entire life, I realize that Jesus had not only saved and redeemed me through His sacrifice 2,000 years ago, but also through various people and events in my life.  As I look forward to celebrating Easter, I want to remind you—and myself—of God’s saving grace, not only for my sake, but also for yours, so that you will remember how God has been good to you and how blessings have poured into your life. 

This is my story, but more importantly, it is His!

On April 9, 1999, I wrote these despairing words in a journal, “I wish I could be more […] effervescent (lively). I feel dead without being physically killed. I hope I don’t die emotionally, but I am dying. If I could only find that zest, that greatness life is supposed to hold. But where is it, at least in me?”  At that time, I was feeling very restless and felt like something was missing from my life. Tired of all the pretense around me in my life and feeling like I couldn’t relate to the lyrics of most popular songs, I began searching for deeper music.  That is when I was led by God to a Christian radio station that played songs in the popular style I liked, but also had deeper lyrical meaning for me.  Through that, God used this longing for something “more” in my life to lead me into a Christian bible study group at a public school I attended.  Some months later, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.

God has also saved my literal, physical life several times as well.  When I was struggling most severely with depression and suicidal thoughts, each time He reached out to me and prevented me from doing the unthinkable. 

Also, on June 14, 2014, after having been hospitalized already a month before for food poisoning, I had to be hospitalized again. (For the whole story on how and why, please visit this page. ) I had been throwing up blood earlier that morning, and I knew something was wrong, so I went to the ER.  I found out later that I had to have gallbladder surgery because my gallbladder was twice the size it should have been, was inflamed, and I had several gall stones!  Thankfully, I had gone to the ER in time because if I had waited longer, I may not have been here on earth today. God was definitely a part of the timing in this and in guiding the successful surgery by my surgeon.

Then, about four years later, there was a severe blizzard ensuing outside.  Many associates had called in sick at my current job, and because I was feeling bad for one of the managers that worked overnight, I wanted to help him.  He had so much work to do, with not enough people to do it. I had worked from 2 pm, and my shift was supposed to end at 10 pm. However, I planned to work another shift to help him out.  However, when this manager, let’s call him *Chris,  realized that I lived more than a few minutes away from work, he told me, “I care about my associates.” and told me in so many words that he would rather have me safely home than me worrying about him getting the work done and possibly have an accident by going home later, when the storm was more severe.  I sensed that God was telling me to listen to Chris, and I did. I not only was able to get home at a decent time, I had to call off the next day because the weather was so bad! Thankfully, God moved in Chris to care about my safety, and thus He used Chris to save my life!

Another way, Jesus has redeemed me is by providing me hope and purpose in serving Him.  When I was struggling to find lasting work, He provided me activities at my now-former church, like the food pantry and the clinic, to be able to serve the needs of others.  By serving at the food pantry and the clinic at my now-former church, my eyes were opened to the pain and the needs of others.  I saw people find hope and purpose, as they were being served by my fellow volunteers and me. I saw Jesus work through both ministries in powerful ways, as many people felt loved and cared for by the volunteers there. It was there that I also met some of the most genuine, loving, and caring people, including one of my friends, Laura,* that now attends the church which I am now a member. 

After that, through my mentor J, and others, I was able to get my first stable job about six years ago.  There, I learned much about customer service, which I strive to apply to my current job.  God also led me to see every day as an opportunity to minister to those around me—both customers and co-workers alike.

Then,  about three years ago, on a cold, wintry February day, I got my current job, being hired by one of my now-former managers, Chris*(Yes, he is the same one that helped save my physical life in February 2018!) , and several months later, Hope,* one of my managers, promoted me to full-time.  God has used this job, not only to help me serve Him better, but also to continually mold and shape me, and so He could tear away the layers of my selfishness and pain of having been bullied by peers and others growing up.  I am also constantly able to learn new things about how to serve customers better and to be a better person, personality-wise. 

A few months before I got my current job, on December 2015, I started the blog, “God’s Whisperings.” From there, God led me to engage with other like-minded individuals in a blogging group. He also gave me a vision to start this blog as a way to teach others what I have learned from Him, so that they would know His love and goodness in their own lives as well.   About a few months ago, I was led by God to join a local writing group, as a way to, not only have a concentrated time to continue to write, but also to learn from others.

Finally, Jesus has saved and redeemed me through various trials, because without them, I would not be the person I am today.  Before I got my current job, I applied and got interviewed for a job at a local bookstore that just opened.  This was what I had considered one of my “dream jobs.” However, I quickly learned during the interview that I was not a good fit for that job.  I felt very disappointed, and slightly despairing, until I interviewed for my current job in February of 2016!  Had I had gotten that job at the bookstore, I don’t know how long I would have lasted, or if I would have learned as much as I have at my current job.

Jesus also saved and redeemed me through failed friendships and relationships.  He saved me from several people who did not have my (or His) best interests in mind, and who betrayed my trust.  Jesus saved me from those who would have hurt me if they had been in my lives much longer.  Finally, Jesus continues to redeem my life, through the changes I am currently experiencing, including the redemption of several friendships and relationships that I thought were doomed forever.  You can read about one of them here.

As we celebrate Jesus’ resurrection this Sunday (for those that are Christians),  let’s remember what God has done in our lives to bring us to where we are today, and for the blessing it is that He is alive and working in us today!  Thank God for not only His salvation, but also for the plenty of times He has redeemed us in our lives!

Image by Dawn Sinclair from Pixabay
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Being Different, Being Me

written February 26, 2019

I am not like many, or even, most people. At my church, most people are older than me, have children and even grandchildren, are married, and have been there for a long time.  In contrast, I am single, have exactly zero children, and have only attended this current church for a little over two years. I’m not only different at church, but also at work.  While many people at my job have either hated or just tolerated their job, most of the time, I find great joy and passion in my job, which is why I strive to give it my all every day. In general society, I am different from what most would consider “the norm” because I am neurodivergent, have the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type there is (In case, you are wondering, I’m an INFJ, and have only found one person in real life with this exact type as me!), and love organizing things more than most people.

And I like it that way.

Being different has forced me to not be able to hide myself behind a veneer of familiarity well, leading me to be able to be more genuine. For instance, when I try to hide behind a veneer, such as having no passion for my work and not trying my best, people will immediately notice something is wrong and that I am not really being “myself.” In fact, one time when I was just trying to get things “done” and not really striving for excellence, a manager admonished me for that, but understood I was just really stressed out.  Standing out in my differences has allowed me to be more genuine because I know I have an interesting life story to tell others.

Being different has also enabled me to bring a fresh perspective and new ideas into the world around me. Because I am realizing that many people do not think like I do, when I say something from my heart and offer my unique perspective on things, people will be more apt to listen to me since I stand apart, than to someone whose ideas are more common .  Being different has also helped me to learn about other perspectives with a fresh and more invigorating view. For instance, I observe that many people use small talk to get to know a person better. I do, too, however, I also strive to see into the soul and observe what their dreams and goals are in life by what they talk about.

Being different has helped me move away from the status quo when necessary. For instance, when I see or hear of something that I feel is not right, I won’t be as afraid to say so , because I am not pressured to maintain the status quo as other people may.  Even when most people are doing “A”, I won’t be afraid to do “B’ if I feel that would be the right thing to do. Sometimes, because I am different than most, I stand out more anyway.  So, I am less afraid of backlash in standing up for what is right.

Being different has motivated me to stand up for and support people who have been unfairly discriminated against due to their differences, including, but not limited to, certain minority ethnic groups, people who struggle with mental illness, those who are disabled,  and other societal identifiers that may be outside “the norm”.  Because I have also experienced teasing and bullying throughout my life due to my differences, I am able to better understand what it is like to be ridiculed, ignored, and bullied because of them.  These painful experiences have enabled me to have more compassion for and better able to relate to others who have been through similar abuse and bullying.

Yes, I am often considered an anomaly to the norms of society. Yes, I may be sometimes treated unjustly because of them. However, not being like most of society has allowed me to have a greater impact on it then I otherwise would if I were a carbon copy of the “normal person” in society.

We may be more or less “normal” than the standards and characteristics that society may deem “normal,” but everyone has uniqueness that makes them stand out in some way. Embrace yours, and accept others!  Upset the applecart to do what is right sometimes, and use your differences to be a catalyst for positive change in this world!

A Sparkling Light: Why She Inspires Me

On December 20, 2018, I said goodbye to one of the best managers I have ever had the privilege of working under.  When I first met her, I never thought I would learn so much from her, or that she would be a picture of the type of person I aspire to be.  She taught me so much about not only the work I was doing, but also the type of person I should aspire to become.

Here is some of what my former manager taught me, both through her words and actions, and how I have applied her lessons to my life:

  1. She taught me to never give up.—When I was having a really bad day and was so stressed out that I considered quitting my job, my now-former manager, Elizabeth*, reminded me that I had done so much to encourage her and others, and not to give it all up just because I was so stressed that day.  She told me that she thought I was amazing (though I think that she is more amazing than me!), and that I should not worry so much about my circumstances or what other people thought about me.  “Just care about your family and God,” she had said. When I remember this instruction, it has actually led me to worry less about my circumstances and people’s judgments and thoughts about me, and be more able to persevere through the difficulties at my job and throughout the rest of my life.  
  2. She taught me to always do my best.— When I was so overwhelmed by having to do so many things that I failed to do my best work, Elizabeth admonished me for that, but at the same time did not insult my character. By admonishing my specific action (not working my best because I was so stressed) and encouraging me to slow down so I could do better, she instilled the confidence she had for me in my heart, so that I would be more careful to do my best and not get too overworked and anxious in my spirit.  So many other people in my past had tried to admonish me by attacking my character as well as the action, so I would change. However, this only made me feel despondent and defensive.  By only admonishing my action and not my character, as Christ has done with me, I was more willing to change for the better and not get so defensive. By encouraging me to do my best by also not being overbearing and micromanaging, I was forced to look for solutions to my own problems without always going to a manager. This helped me gain confidence in my own abilities and grow as an associate and as a person.
  3. She taught me to not take the time, with those I love, for granted.—A week before her last day at my job, she told me that she was going to leave. I was really sad and devastated at first, but I quickly realized one of her unspoken lessons to me—not to take the time with those I love for granted. One of the reasons why she left us, was to spend more time with her family, and I really respect that because it shows me that she is not willing to take the time she has left with her loved ones for granted. I strive to also spend more time with my family and friends, because I know that people in my life will come and go, and that I don’t really know how much time I will have left with any of them. So, I will treasure them all the more, when I keep this lesson in mind.

These lessons that Elizabeth taught me has helped me not only cope with life better but continue persevering in the midst of life’s trials and challenges.  I hope that Elizabeth’s new associates will also learn these and other important life lessons too, and that she will know why  she is still a sparkling light in my life.

*=name has been changed, for privacy reasons

Lessons I’m Learning About Contentment

I’m not going to lie. Being content is still a struggle for me, but I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I am more content now than I was even five years ago. Over the past couple years or so, I have learned many things about how to be content and why for many people, contentment with life seems to elude them. 

In this New Year, contentment can be a reality for you. It can be an even greater reality for me. In general, from what I have read, heard, and learned, these are some of the major factors in cultivating contentment in one’s life:

  1. Live with purpose.—I had always had this lingering question in my mind about work: Why do most people hate or dislike their jobs and have no passion in what they do for a living? When I observed people and the general trends from the world around me, I found the answer.  Basically, for a lot of people, their attitude towards work and much of their other parts of their lives, too, is “I’ll do what I can to survive another day.”  While that can motivate some to not give up, I believe we need to live with greater purpose than just survival if we are to be truly content. I recommend that to find your life purpose (if you haven’t already), you think about what your passions are in life, and what God-given abilities you have, and see how they can fit together. For instance, one of my passions in my life is to see people know and experience the joy and love of Christ in their lives.  God has given me the ability to articulate myself well through writing (though I am much less gifted in speaking!). Therefore, I have chosen to write a blog about lessons I’m learning about God’s love and joy in my life, and how others can cultivate the same. Though my day job does not involve writing at all, I can still be content in my job, because my passion to see people experience the love and joy of Christ is still being realized through the opportunities I get to interact with people on a daily basis.
  2. Live in forgiveness.—I used to hold grudges against certain people for years, and then wonder why I wasn’t content with my life. It was like there was something always holding me back from experiencing true joy.  Once, I held anger and resentment against someone that was so bad that I started experiencing PTSD-like symptoms and a real dread of ever seeing them again.  However, when I finally forgave them and let my anger go, I felt an enormous weight lifted off me. I was finally able to live in love and freedom from the bitterness that held me captive for so long! Some people think if they forgive someone, they are letting them off the hook, so to speak, or excusing the offender’s behavior. Nothing could be further from the truth! The very fact of having to forgive someone necessitates that they did something wrong or sinful to hurt you.  Also, like so many others who have struggled to forgive someone, I used to think that the longer I held a grudge, the longer I would make the offender “suffer” for what they did to me and feel the isolation and pain of my hurt. Then, I realized that the offender often either does not know what they did to hurt you or to what degree, or if they do, they don’t care at all.  I realized that holding a grudge only makes you and the people around you that have nothing to do with what the offender did suffer. Let. It. go.  By holding a grudge, you are continuing to let the offender hurt you. Get out of your offender’s prison! Forgive them—for your sake, not theirs!
  3. Live with gratitude.—I believe that one of the biggest barriers to contentment is a complaining spirit.  Often the people who complain the most are also the most depressed. This has little to do with the person’s circumstances, and more to do with the person’s attitude towards them.  For instance, I know several people from my church who have had to struggle through cancer. Even though a lot of them had some trying times just battling the disease and having to go through strenuous treatments to combat it, they remained in good spirits because they focused on God and the good that was still in their lives. When I looked back on the good in my life and the blessings that God has given me, I find that I am much more satisfied with my life than when I focus on the negatives.  One thing that I find helpful is to start a list of some of the blessings in your life.  I keep mine in a notebook that I update occasionally throughout the year.  I started it about 10 years ago, and it has over 100 ways that God has blessed me throughout that time!

These are the three main lessons that I am learning about contentment. Though practicing these things is not always easily, and we may fail to live these at times, never give up.  The more purpose, forgiveness, and gratitude are implemented in our lives, the more content we will be with our lives. Try living these, and you won’t be disappointed with the results.

Importance of Time

I know most people have heard the phrase, “So much to do, so little time.” I know this has been the case for me, more so just in these past couple of days, as those around me have become more “time-conscious.”  One of my friends reminded me that Jesus is coming soon (though we don’t know the day or the hour).  My parents let me know last night that our days in this place may be numbered.  So many U.S government employees are wondering how much their savings will last until the shutdown is finally over (which I hope, for their sake, is very soon!).  As my pastor has said repeatedly, “Time is life.”

Time is life.

That alone should point to the importance of how we spend our time, and help us not to waste so much time, me included.

Other reasons why time is so important are implied in these facts:

  1. Time is limited.
  2. You can never get the time you lost back.
  3. Time is valuable.

Yes, we live longer than we have, let’s say 100 years ago.  Even so, we will all eventually die and face our eternal destiny.  Time is limited.

Sadly enough, we all have been guilty of wasting time, at one point of our lives or another. I know I am not immune to this. I have wasted too much time being bitter about people that either didn’t mean to do me harm, or didn’t care that they harmed me.  I should have just forgiven them and moved on in my life, instead of brooding about what they did and how much they had hurt me.  I have also wasted too much of my life wallowing in self-pity, anger and despair. 

Maybe you have had similar stories of time wasted.

 Maybe instead of appreciating your spouse (if you are or were married), you catered to your own selfishness and self-indulgence, until it was too or almost too late to save your marriage. Maybe instead of caring for that relative or friend, you brushed them aside in their time of need because you were too busy to attend to them.  Maybe you have wasted time doing other things that were just not that important, and neglected the things that should have been most important.

I think the reason we sometimes waste time is that we are not conscious of time. We perceive we have more time than there actually is. Some people don’t anticipate change—or that time will move on without them.  Moreover, we think we can make up for lost time, only to discover it was too late!

So, how do we redeem the time (i.e.. not waste time)?

First, we have to be time-conscious. Most people are more time-conscious when they know their time is limited, such as when a loved one dies or when they attend a funeral. However, we don’t have to wait for death to knock at our door in order to be time-conscious.

Lose the attitude that you have all this time in the world! Strive not to procrastinate! Do what you can today, and strive to live each day as it was your last. Some people go to work, or even approach life, as if it were drudgery that will last forever, doing nothing to change their attitudes or their circumstances.  I am not talking about people suffering from depression or who have already done what they could and are still miserable. I’m just talking about those that are determined to stay miserable no matter what.   Know that time is fleeting. If you are having a tough time now, there is hope because this will eventually pass. If you are content with your life now, be thankful for all that you have been blessed with.

Secondly, we have to determine what is important to us. In order to not waste time, we need to prioritize what is most important to us.  We need to ask ourselves what we value the most, whether it be God, our family, our friends, or other priorities. Then, we need to spend the most time on those things we value most.

For instance, I value God, family, and friends, in that order.  If I want to redeem my time that I have in life, I will focus on the interests that matter in my relationship to God, my family, and friends. I would not waste time wallowing in self-pity or being idle in regards to these priorities.

Also, we need to be sure that what we value will last through eternity, and not put so much emphasis on those things that are fleeting. For example, if a manager or co-worker at your job has a bad day and gets snippy at you, don’t become bitter and angry for more than a day with them and let that destroy your relationship with them, if you value relationships as eternal.  Instead chalk it up to them having a bad day, and forgive them for their frustration at you. 

Since our time is limited, valuable, and can never be regained, we should be sure not to waste time.  In order to do that, we need to prioritize what is most important to us and be sure we are conscious of the scarcity of our time here on earth, valuing each day as if it were our last. 

Let’s redeem our time today, and do positively in the days we have left on earth!

R. Christian Bohlen’s Conversion Story–Guest Post

Along my blogging journey, I have met some amazing people that have encouraged and inspired my own as well. One of these people is R. Christian Bohlen, who has quite an extraordinary testimony of how he came to know God, through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Author/Blogger Bio:

R. Christian Bohlen has been involved in ministry and church leadership for over thirty years, including oversight of a prison ministry program in central PA. He holds an M.S. degree in communications and has received multiple personal and team awards as a human performance improvement consultant, instructional designer, and program manager to Fortune 500 companies throughout the United States and Canada.

His prior work with juvenile offenders and his own family’s trauma due to mental health issues instilled a commitment to somehow help those who need it most to find comfort in Christ. For over twenty years, he has labored to simplify and clarify the beauties of the life of Jesus Christ for everyone, regardless of background or knowledge of the scriptures. In 2018, he launched Christ on the Inside prison and addiction recovery ministry with the goal of making easy-to-read books about the life of Jesus available at no cost (and no profit to anyone).

(courtesy of R. Christian Bohlen)

My Conversion Story

I’ve devoted over 20 years to writing a book about the life and teachings of Jesus Christ, mostly because of the remarkable and unforgettable way Christ kept pursuing me and not giving up on me.

In my 20’s, the confusion of trying to find my way to God was torturous—in spite of my sincerest efforts.

Finally “finding Christ” brought the peace and clarity I was looking for, but it certainly wasn’t like walking into a door labeled Nirvana and then thinking, “Ahh! It’s all good now.”

There was a process that gradually filled me with light—triggered by one key insight and the most difficult decision of my entire life.

Growing Up in Light and Truth

I was raised by faith-filled parents in a gospel-centered home. It was an idyllic setting. A family with father, mother, three children and a large community with kids everywhere, bordered by the dense forests of northwest Pennsylvania where we played and fantasized.

Attending church every Sunday was a given. Family prayer was routine and sincere and our home had a spirit of meekness, love, and obedience to God.

As a child and teenager, the other members of our small church family were important influences on me. The older members of our congregation had the Spirit of God with them when they spoke. Their kind and patient ways were noticeably different than the world around me, showing a “peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way” (1 Timothy 2:2).

I was taught many stories from the scriptures. These often touched me and, looking back, I sensed that they were true. I felt good when I read the scriptures myself, although I typically had better things to do and simply didn’t bother.

I didn’t pray on my own. I didn’t disbelieve that there was a God but I didn’t really believe it. And I certainly didn’t feel his love, nor did I ever feel what I would call love for God either. Sayings like “God loves you” just bounced off. “Everybody knows that,” I would think to myself.

But I didn’t know it.

A Gift to the Undeserving

(courtesy of pexels.com)

Maybe you can relate to what I’m about to share. Maybe in some way, God touched you whether you deserved it or whether you were seeking him or not. Maybe, at the time, you didn’t recognize it as such.

God reached down to me powerfully twice when I was a teenager.

One day in church, after watching an inspiring video about some story in the scriptures, I recall walking into the hallway feeling touched and uplifted. I paused in front of a bulletin board and looked at a picture of Christ surrounded by people in old-fashioned clothes like the ancients might wear.

A pure spiritual light of understanding entered my whole being as I stared at Christ in the center of this picture. I wasn’t consciously trying to think of anything. It just hit me.

I comprehended that Christ was God, the unchangeable God of the universe. I mean, I knew it and I understood it. I comprehended that the trends and fashions and ideas of men will come and go, but the wisdom and supremacy of God are unchanging. It was obvious why some people were bent down in an attitude of worship. This insight was a gift of spiritual light that filled me mercifully, with no effort of my own.

This gift entered my soul at a time that I was behaviorally in rebellion against God and was giving him no thought whatsoever. It was pure grace.

The next day I was supposed to meet someone new—a large scale drug dealer—to buy a sheet of acid (meaning, a large volume of LSD doses intended for distribution and sale). This was only one of several drugs I was involved with. Getting caught selling hard drugs would have changed the course of my life with a minimum of many months in a juvenile jail and all that comes with entering the “system,” the stigma, and dashing my parents’ hearts.

I stood there nearly in shock. “What am I doing to my life? How can I do this tomorrow?” But I had been panged by remorse before and it had only lasted a day or two and I went right back into my double life.

Nevertheless, I never met with that person. I don’t recall why. And I never pursued it again.

An Unforgettable Witness of Christ

A few months after that incident, I was getting ready to head out for college. I had been taught many times that there are a few important crossroads in life that we’d better pay attention to and make the right move: going to college, getting married, those kinds of things.

I recognized this as a chance to reprioritize my life. So, I sought out one of our pastors for counsel and began making small steps to get ready for a big change. Like the Parable of the Lost Son, I was trying to leave the “wild living” behind and trying to head back to the house of my Father (Luke 15:11-32, NIV).

This pastor asked my friend and me to sing a duet during our last Sunday in church before leaving for college. “Sure, no problem,” I answered. I didn’t think much about it.

The song was, “Abide with Me.”

There we stood in front of the small congregation that we knew so well. My friend and I had decent voices and had practiced a time or two and I wasn’t too worried about it.

But the strangest thing happened. The sounds of the hymn became hauntingly beautiful, moving me to a different place. I was filled with the sound of the notes as the words became crystal clear on the page and full of significance:

“When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.”

Suddenly, I couldn’t see well. The words blurred as water filled my eyes. To my teenage horror, I was crying, on stage in front of everyone.

But I couldn’t stop. Just like before, the light that filled me was sweet and clear and so satisfying. It was worth more than anything. I just kept reading and listening to the surreal sounds.

At that moment, I understood the character of Jesus: the help of the helpless. The compassionate one who cares when nobody else does.

The revelation continued, flowing pure and sweet into my mind and heart. Again, I understood that God was the supreme, unchangeable being—more important than any earthly thing. I tried to sing but could only read the words and listen as my friend sung his part. He kept looking at me like, “Whoa, what is goin’ on here?”

“Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see—
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.”

It all made perfect sense. I was comprehending the character of Christ, “who changest not,” and for some reason he chose to “abide with me,” on that stage, in front of the entire congregation.

Fast Forward to Near Madness

Within one week of this precious gift I was back to “wild living.”

I didn’t realize it but I was an addict.

I’m not going to recount my entire life story here, but suffice it to say that my life went back and forth between long periods of no drug abuse with sincere strivings to live a godly life and occasional relapses.

My feelings regarding the goodness of the gospel were real but I lacked the faith and understanding to truly live the gospel of Jesus Christ. I had no real foundation.

At one point in 1983, I reached a crisis of sorts. My efforts to live the gospel and keep the commandments of God were not working. I was intensely miserable and confused. I decided the only way to get past it was to start over again: forget everything I knew about God, religion, and just follow my heart, make the best decisions I could, and see where that would lead me. I didn’t know what else to do!

I stopped going to church and stopped “keeping the commandments of God,” as such, although that doesn’t mean my life turned into a hedonist free-for-all either. I treated people decently, didn’t party, and did a lot of thinking.

“How could this happen?” I often thought. “I had really tried to change my life. I tried to follow God and ‘follow the rules.'”

After a year or so of this, I suddenly became despondent. I was scared, in fact, at how gloomy and hopeless I felt. I feared that I was losing my sanity and thought about taking my life to escape.

An Inspired Friend

(downloaded from pexels.com)

I can still remember where I was sitting and staring at the floor in this unstable, panicked state with no idea of what to do.

A thought came to me: “Go see Bob Johnson.”

Bob was a good friend, a former spiritual advisor, and a man that I simply trusted. I felt a tiny bit of hope and decided to do it.

Our conversation was intense and his love for me was palpable and comforting. He said I was “hanging by a thread,” which I felt was a truthful statement and didn’t take it as an insult at all.

“You are in Satan’s power,” he said, “and you need to cast him out.”

Hmm… Okay, so this was kind of dramatic and not what I expected. A little crazy, to be honest. “Me? I’m a pretty nice guy,” I thought. “I’m not like a Satanic dude or anything.” I started to pull back from Bob.

“I want you to tell Satan to leave you,” Bob said.

“Huh? How?” I asked.

“Say, ‘Satan. In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave me,'” Bob instructed.

I probably just sat and looked at him. I don’t remember. But I do remember being frightened and feeling very unstable. Not evil, but very confused and unhappy.

“Oh, great,” I thought. “Me. Possessed.”

Could it be true? As crazy as it sounded, I opened my mind that it might be true. I had a tiny, new hope.

As we parted that day, he hugged me and just wept and wept and wept. I sensed that it was the love of God reaching through him in hope and celebration for my willingness to try.

The Reality of Satan

Writing this now, in 2018, I’m sure that most people have not and will not ever experience what I’m about to describe. But it was a reality for me and what I felt and experienced was undeniably real.

I learned what constitutes light as I truly witnessed darkness.

I went home and awkwardly explained to my mother what was happening to me and what Bob counseled me to do. I have no idea how I broached the topic with her but somehow my mother and I sat side by side on a couch and I decided to do what Bob advised.

I opened my mouth and verbally commanded Satan to leave me in the name of Jesus Christ using the words above.

Within seconds, I felt a terrifying, dark force pull away from me. The best I can explain it is that I knew it had been enmeshed with me and now it was just a “few inches” outside of me. It was menacing and extremely angry at what was happening and by no means intending to stay outside of me. It was waiting for me to lose focus and come back.

But now I knew there was “me” and there was “it” and I could distinguish the two.

I commanded Satan again. And again. Always in the name of Jesus Christ. Over time, the line between us because firmer and the distance greater. My peace and sense of self were forming again.

Truthfully, I had forgotten some of these details until just a year ago when my mother said, “I sure know that Satan is real, like when you cast him out as we were sitting together. What a horrible feeling that was.”

From her vantage point, she had experienced it as vividly as I had: an awful, frightening, threatening presence in that room. I did not know (or recall) that she felt it that way until she shared her memory of it with me last year.

Good Overcomes Evil

In the weeks and months that followed, I continued to tell Satan to leave me in the name of Christ, as necessary.

Two things were certain and beyond dispute:

  • The evil force I felt was real. Satan was an actual entity and not just a concept.
  • The name of Jesus Christ has real power. Satan was enmeshed with me but he could not disobey the command to leave, in Christ’s name. I had been given a tool that worked 100% of the time and that was enormously reassuring.

How Christ Found Me and Cared for Me

I’ve listed just a few episodes in my life where Christ reached out to me to teach me, inspire me, help me understand the truth, and save me—even when I was doing little or nothing to seek him out.

I can’t say that I found Christ. I prefer to say he has been watching over me all my life and finding and touching me, according to his own wisdom and ways.

  • He gave me sweet and loving parents who shared their testimonies of truth lived godly lives to the best of their understanding.
  • He gave me the examples of other church members whose sincerity and willingness to love God first was real to me, even as a boy.
  • He gave me light and understanding as I read scriptures, participated in church activities, and that one eventful day in front of the bulletin board.
  • He gave me the freedom to make decisions and figure things out on my own but he was always watching for my return. At the first sign of turning, he ran to me like the father of the lost (prodigal) son and whispered the idea to call Bob Johnson to help me.
  • He kicked Satan out of my life like the mighty God of the universe that he is. All I had to do was invoke his name, which always has power.

How Christ Finds and Cares for You

I know that our Christ reaches out to every living soul on this earth in ways that are suitable to that person.

Take just a moment to reflect back on your life. Who were the people that were good examples in your life? It might not have been your family. What were the experiences where heavenly light and understanding called you to something higher and helped you understand the things of God? Maybe you appreciated it. Maybe you didn’t.

All of us have been touched and called to something higher. Through somebody. Through a life experience. Through the Spirit of God directly to our souls. But every living soul feels the fingers of God reaching down. But will we take that hand?

When did you hear something or read something that touched you? Maybe you felt an impression like, “I can do more with my life; I can turn away from these destructive things in my life,” or “God really is there and he wants me to listen and trust him.”

Those inspired impressions are from God. When we say, “I want to please God and keep feeling those good things more than my destructive, sinful past,” we are moving toward Christ.

How I Came to Christ: Believe in the Name of Jesus

My troubles weren’t over yet, however. Confusion returned frequently because other than knowing how to get Satan’s power to release me, I didn’t really understand what to do next.

I recall telling people, “I feel like I have no foundation. I’m walking in quicksand. I don’t know where to start.”

For someone who had attended church for most of his life and had read the scriptures many times over this seems ludicrous, looking back, but so it was. I found that there’s a difference between knowing from the head and internalizing from the heart. But I did find my way to Christ.

I recall a certain day when I was staring at green, patterned carpet in a different bedroom, trying to figure out what to do next.

Because I knew the Bible well (meaning, I had made some good decisions in the past to invest effort and try to learn the ways of God), a key phrase popped into my head:

“This is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ.” (1 John 3:23, NIV)

“Just believe in the name of Jesus Christ,” I repeated to myself. I didn’t know Jesus as a man. I had never seen him. But I could just believe in his name. I mean really put my whole heart into it. I could decide to trust this Jesus Christ.

“Just do it,” I recall thinking.

But oh, it was hard to do.

I had many atheist friends who poo-pooed the idea of believing the unseen. Their faces and voices in my mind made this a spiritually terrifying decision.

But one thing I knew for sure. I had factual, first-hand, experiential knowledge of this: the name of Jesus Christ has power. “So why not believe in that name,” I reasoned. “Perhaps more good will follow?”

I then received another merciful, beautiful insight: Into my mind’s eye came the John the Apostle and John the Baptist. I pictured Peter and Paul. I felt them saying, “We gave our everything to give you this knowledge. Believe it. We love you. Believe in the name of Jesus. Do it.

I felt in my heart that these dear scriptural friends were just and holy men. Real people. Worthy of my trust.

The Pivotal Decision: Jumping in with Both Feet

Sometime in 1983, I made that great decision. I opened the faucet of belief in Jesus Christ and the water of life began to trickle into my life. I could feel the difference. What the scriptures call “salvation” was happening for the first time in my life. (See Acts 16:30-33

I often said in my mind—and still do to this day—”I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe He was sent from the Father. I believe He is the Messiah. I believe Jesus Christ is the very Son of God.” These thoughts and intentions fill my heart with light and happiness and power.

There is power in believing. We should never underestimate the power of believing on the Light of the World.

Today, I am grateful and thrilled to tell you that—praise and thanks be to God—I am truly happy. Genuinely, deeply happy and at peace. 

Learn More

After reading this experience, I hope it’s clearer why I have invested so many years writing a book, preparing a website and launching a prison ministry to support others in coming to know Christ and discover how to believe in him.

See reviews of the new release, 5-star book, Jesus Christ, His Life and Mine on Amazon. including these:

“. . . a breath of fresh air. . . very modern and easy to understand for my generation. (Ethan – Facebook review)

“If there were six stars, I would give this book a six” (vtreviewer – Amazon review)

“. . . transformative, faith-promoting, and educational. . . [The author] succeeds masterfully on all fronts. (Joshua – Amazon review).

Some Experiences That Changed My Life

     Everyone who has ever lived will go through at least one experience that will influence the trajectory of their lives.  I am no exception.  Several days ago, I was talking with some work friends about how each of us was like when we were children.  I attested to them that how I am now is almost nothing like I was when I was a child!  Yes, there are still a few similarities to my personality today, for I am the same person, but there has been a lot that has changed as well.  The experiences that I feel changed my life the most are these:

  1. Becoming a born-again Christian
  2. My brother moving away
  3. Getting my current job

If you have read my blog for very long, you know that I am a born-again believer in Christ. This event has by far influenced and changed the person I am and has given me much purpose in my life.  Right before I became a Christian, I was on the brink of despair and depression. I wanted to end it all, but right at about that point, I felt God’s presence and the need to know more about Him.  I started attending my childhood church, but quickly found out it wasn’t a good fit for me, and eventually found another church that more satiated my spiritual needs. In the past two years or so, I believe God led me to my current church, where I grew significantly in both knowledge and closeness to God.  Being a Christian has not only helped me to overcome most of my depression, but also improved the way that I relate to others. When I was younger, I used to be very rigid and selfish. In addition, since social cues have been sometimes a challenge for me, I didn’t know what exactly I was doing wrong!  This led me to feel very lonely and depressed.  However, when I learned about God’s love and how to cultivate a more unselfish lifestyle, that is where I learned the value of sacrifice. Thus, God was able to bless me with great friends that I didn’t deserve and, most of all, joy in my life.

Another event that changed my life is my brother moving away for school about two years ago.  Up until then, my brother has always lived with me, or if he lived somewhere else, he would eventually always come back home at least on the weekends.  Now, that he lives in another state, I have been forced to be more active socially.  I am in several online support groups, and I am more active at my church.  A more negative thing of having him move away, though, besides not being able to see him as much as I would like, is that if I need help with something that has to do with technology, I either have to handle it myself, or contact him via phone or Skype when he is available. Since he is often busy with his life, this makes fixing technological and mechanical problems in the house much more difficult.  

Yet another event that has changed my life is getting my current job. Before my current job, I was not working full-time, but only part-time.  Not only was my current job graciously offered to me, but about seven months later, I was able to get full-time! Since then, I have learned so much from all the people that work there.  Most of my managers have been very gracious and kind to me, and they have taught me so many things about my job and how to do it even better.  They have also helped me be a better person.  I now have the support of many of my co-workers and they, too, through their unique personalities and work styles, have taught me a lot about life and work. Most of all, the managers and many of the associates as well, have believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.  This has helped me to be motivated to do my job even better than before and has given me the confidence that I need, in order to continue to learn new things and do a good job.

These are the three experiences I believe changed my life the most. Of course, many smaller events also have influenced and changed me, but these ones have had a tremendous impact on my life.  What experiences have changed your life the most? What did you learn from them?  Please feel free to share in the comments below.