Have you been tired, stressed, and overworked lately? Has
the joy you once had at work been drained by the people and circumstances
around you? If so, you are not alone. In
fact, according to the NIOSH report, about 40% of all workers in the U.S
reported that their jobs are “very or extremely” stressful. (source: https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/docs/99-101/pdfs/99-101.pdf?id=10.26616/NIOSHPUB99101). If you are working in a tough or a stressful
work environment, there is hope. Personally, I can relate to being stressed at
work, but when I apply these principles to how I approach my job, I find that I
become less stressed.
a good work ethic. –Yes, there have been several times during the whole of
my work career in various places where I have been tempted to quit. However,
something inside of me, probably the Spirit of God, urges me on. This has helped me continue to persevere in spite
of everything else inside of me screaming to “QUIT” or “Slack off.” Always do your best, and never let anyone
else convince you to do otherwise. If
you feel aimless or that you are just “going through the motions” at work, try
to have a mindset of trying to learn everything you can to boost your
credentials at work. This will also help you in case of layoffs, to be more
indispensable and more likely to be secure in your job, or being more easily
able to find another good job if that should happen. For instance, at my job, I
have aimed to learn how to cashier, because I know that cashiering is an
essential part of retail, and without these skills, I would be less likely to
be able to move up or be versatile in the company I work for. Now, my managers are able to use me to
cashier in case the regular cashiers call in sick or we are shorthanded.
others.—I have found that many people in various workplaces and in places
where some of my friends work are in desperate need of encouragement and validation. If you see someone going above or beyond, or
are providing their clientele with excellent service, let a manager know that.
More importantly, let the person know that they are doing a good job and that
you value them. Be specific in your compliments. Don’t just say, “ You work
very hard,” which can be good, but would mean more if you said something like,
“ Joe, I appreciate how you took care of that customer today, making sure they
had everything they needed, and making them feel valued through your patience and making sure all
their questions were answered.” If you
must criticize, assure the person that you still value them in other ways. Never put down someone just to break their
spirit. It is mean, callous, unnecessary, and ineffective in motivating people
to do their best work.
servant’s heart.—Be willing to help others where needed, without stressing
yourself out. When someone feels
overwhelmed by their work, and you are able to help them, do so. If someone is going through a tough time and
confides in you about it, offer to pray or help them in any way you can. When
Jesus washed His disciples feet, He modeled for them—and us—a model we should
all follow. We should not only model
that in church or at home, but also in the workplace. Managers, never be “too
busy” to help and guide your associates.
Associates, be willing to do what your managers says, not only to be
respectful, but also to help them through their struggles and lift a burden off
If we modeled a good work ethic, by persevering and doing
our best, if we encouraged our co-workers, bosses, and clients/customers
instead of putting them down, and if we had a servants’ heart approach to the
tasks needed to be done at work, instead of only looking to our own interests,
we could boost morale at our workplace significantly. By following these
principles, not only will we boost morale, but we also will also build our
integrity, which is something worth living for, in all areas of our lives.
It was a cold, wintry February day, right after my birthday when I got interviewed for my current job. I sensed in my spirit to ask about the status of my resume. I honestly did not think anything would happen, but when the HR coordinator told me to come back for an interview, a couple hours later, I knew there was hope.
Since I didn’t have time to go home, I couldn’t adequately
plan for the interview. When I came back to my current workplace, another
interviewee, Anastasia * was already there, and we made some small talk, as we
waited to be interviewed. Anastasia was
interviewed first, and after she came out, I was interviewed. The interviewer,
I found out later, was also going to be my manager, Chris*! I was very nervous
during the interview. All Chris asked me was, “How did you go above and beyond
for a customer.” Nervously stuttering, I answered how I made sure the
customer’s questions were answered, and how I would pray for them if they
wanted me to.
I didn’t think I was going to get the job because I was so
nervous, but to my surprise. Anastasia and I both got job offers! Anastasia
accepted immediately, but I waited until the next day to accept after seeking
counsel from my family.
During orientation, Chris kindly sat down with me to give me
my schedule for the next couple weeks. It was many more hours than I got at my
previous job. The only time I had ever worked that much, was during the
Christmas season! I was very pleased. But then Chris went on vacation for two
weeks, and everything changed….
Because I didn’t take the time to get to know Chris as a
manager or a person initially, we had many conflicts. There was always a period
where things were good again, but then there would be more conflict, that grew
more intense, as time went on. This cycle repeated itself for one and a half
years! During the worst of the conflicts, I flirted with the idea of switching
departments or even quitting my job! However, God, in His sovereignty, didn’t
allow me to follow through on these options
When the conflicts got really bad, I had also tried avoiding Chris completely, as I had dreaded seeing him every day, but that only lasted a few days. However, I knew I had a serious problem when, on my day off from work, I came to church still very upset about the situation with Chris. I was not only dreading possibly having to see him again the next day at work, but I also became consumed with thoughts of how much he had hurt me and so on. The bitterness and anger inside my heart, at the time, was like a whale about to consume its food whole!
I saw my pastor, John, and immediately sensed that I had to
seek counsel about my situation with Chris, because I was afraid if I didn’t
get help soon, I would eventually blow up at Chris, get myself disciplined and
even lose my job!
these concerns to my pastor, John*. I also told him, “I tried to be nice to my
manager, but I don’t think anything is happening.” In retrospect, I wasn’t even really working
hard in being that nice to Chris. That
is when Pastor John told me to turn to Romans 12:12-20, and Matthew
5:44-48. The particular verse, Romans
12:20, struck me. It said, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he
thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his
Then, Pastor John said, “How do
you know God is not working in Chris? Patricia, you have to trust God’s
timing. God may not bring about the
changes now, but how do you know he won’t make the changes later, in His own
perfect timing.” The verses in Matthew
5:44-48, about loving your enemy, and Romans 12:15-20, about serving someone
who you view to be the enemy, as to soften him or her, and what Pastor John
said about God’s timing, made all the difference. I had renewed hope that
things could change for the better between Chris and me. And it did!
That night, I sensed God telling
me that I should apologize to Chris for the anger and bitterness I had against
him, so I typed up an apology note to Chris for the anger and bitterness I had
held. The next day, I wanted to give it to Chris but the department manager
ended up doing it for me since another manager wanted me to straighten some
aisles in the store right that second! After my break, I caught Chris doing
freight, and asked him if he had read the note. He said he had. There, we
worked things out, and that day, things really started to become better.
After that next day, I felt so
much better and so hopeful that things would get better for us. The barrier and slime of hatred and
bitterness that I had for Chris melted away within days, if not hours, of me
talking to Pastor John. I started to be
able to look at Chris with eyes of love and compassion, and not the revulsion
and disgust that I had earlier.
However, several months later,
Chris was moved to a different area of the store altogether. I would no longer
have the opportunity to show the love and respect to him in the same capacity I
did when things were tough between us. I
was sad, but now I know having Elizabeth* come on as my new manager was part of
God’s good plan for me.
Several weeks after that, Chris
switched areas again to cover for someone else, who worked nights. However, since Chris did such a good job
covering for this other manager, the store manager kept him in that position
for almost a year.
One wintry day in February of
last year, I wanted to work overnight for Chris because many people had called
in, due to a severe blizzard ensuing outside. I felt really bad for him that he
had to do all of this work with only a few people to help him. However, when
Chris realized that I lived more than a few minutes from work and I had already
worked since two in the afternoon, he told me that working overnight that day
for him wouldn’t be a good idea. He, in essence, said “I care about my
associates. I would rather have you safely home, than to worry about getting
all this work done.” That care he had for me contributed to me being physically
safe that day. I listened to him and
went on my way, at a decent time. The
next day, the storm was so bad that I called in. Had he not cared about my safety and just let
me work for him, I don’t think I would be alive today.
After that, Chris and I got
along much better.
Then, a few months ago,
Elizabeth told me she had accepted another opportunity at another company. I
cried, as I never thought she would leave that soon, and besides that, I
considered her one of the best managers I have ever had! I was also anxious because I didn’t know who
would replace her or what would happen to our department.
Some people who know me well may think to themselves why I didn’t just quit when I felt Chris was hurting me, because when most people feel as hurt as I was, they will make sure that they never have to face that person again. They won’t take time to think about how they may have contributed to the conflict, or even think that things could ever be redeemed between them and the person who they have harbored anger and bitterness against. I confess that though I had prayed for one and a half years for things to be improved between Chris and me and for God to take away my anger and bitterness away from me, I never really thought anything would happen. God, however, in His grace,proved me wrong.
What people don’t understand is how the power of forgiveness and redemption changes you and allows you to see the light in someone you may have once hated. Upon seeing the light, you know you can never give up on that person again. You start to see beauty in that person, and the anger and revulsion will start melting away. That is how I saw Chris was worth the fight.
Epilogue: Chris is no longer with my company, but I will always remember him as someone who always worked hard and believed in me and my potential. I will never forget him. I wish him years of joy and success in wherever he ends up next in his life.
Giving Tuesday is the day after Cyber Monday that traditionally is slated by non-profit organizations to encourage charitable giving. Indeed, many people all around the world need hope—from the poor and needy, those in prison, those starving for love and affection, those struggling with a mental or physical illness, and many others. Today, I want to celebrate hope-givers and encourage all of us, me included, to be hope-givers ourselves, and, in so doing, give a bright future to the people in our world.
As you may already know, I have had about a twenty-five year struggle with depression. However, even in my darkest pit, God always provided people to give me hope that I could come out of the pit, more victorious and alive than ever before. By listing these people, I have the hope that in your own struggles, that you will be encouraged that there are people in your own life that will also give you the hope you need at the right time. I also want these people to know that they are important and that they have made a difference in my life. Here are some of the following people that gave me hope when I needed it the most and how they provided it for me:
My parents and brother: They were there for me during my toughest times, and did their best to support me through it all. They always encouraged me to never give up, even when I wanted to. Because of their persistence and love, I was able to come out the other side of depression a stronger person.
My mentor J: She always encouraged me that I was not the stupid, not-good-enough, failure I had imagined myself to be. She always saw the best in me, and encouraged me to never put myself down, especially for things beyond my control.
My friend Veronica*: Once when I was having intense suicidal thoughts and was visibly upset, she was able to convince and encourage me to see hope and joy again in my life. Also, because she has so much joy and hope in her own life, while still being real about her struggles, I have been inspired to follow suit.
My friend Holly*: Holly has always given me hope that I am not alone in my struggles, and she always has words of validation and encouragement, even when she herself was experiencing very difficult things in her life. Her unselfishness, along with her uplifting words, helped me to know during the tough times, that there was always hope for me.
My friends Anna* and Karen*: Karen and Anna have always been there for me as good online friends, who have encouraged me through the tough times, and shared with me the good. Their honesty about their own struggles in life and how they have persevered through them, have given me hope that I, too, could come out victorious over my depression and other issues in life.
My manager Elizabeth*: My current manager always gave me hope that even when I mess up or feel insecure, she has my back, and she believes in my abilities as an associate and as a person.
My manager Chris*: Chris was the one that gave me the opportunity to work at my current job in the first place. He also has believed in my abilities as an associate and as a person, and has encouraged me to work diligently and wisely.
My friend Laura*: Laura has encouraged me to see me how God sees me. She gave me hope that even in the dark throes of depression, that she was willing to be there for me when I needed her the most. One time, when I was particularly struggling with self-hatred, she had sent me a most precious forward about the beauty she saw in my heart with her caption “This is you.” I will never forget that.
My pastor John*: My pastor was instrumental in helping me redeem a work relationship that I thought was past redeeming. God used him to do a work in my heart, and the relationship I had at work was reconciled.
How To Give Hope
Giving hope is not only about giving encouragement, though it sure may be a very important element in it. Giving hope is about looking at someone and seeing the golden nuggets in their soul, like most of my hope-givers have done for me. Hope-givers see what those who have despaired or lost hope are blind to—the beauty in their soul and the hope in their futures. For example, I have several friends who are unable to work. The world may see them as lazy or useless, but I see them as those who still can give others encouragement and perseverant, as they wake up each day fighting the illnesses that try to defeat them.
Giving hope is about being a shining light into someone’s life, when he or she feels alone or forlorn by others. Sometimes, I have felt that way during certain situations, but my friends Veronica and Holly have always encouraged me by making me feel less alone. All my hope-givers have helped me find the light in my soul and helped it to shine. We, too, can be the shining light into someone else’s life that desperately needs it. We can do this by being there for them whenever possible, by helping them through their pain, and by speaking words of hope and positivity into their lives. Saying things like, “I’m sorry you are struggling so much today, but I want you to know that I am here for you, and you are not alone, “can make a whole world of difference in a person’s life.
Giving hope is also about being hope in their lives. For instance, my manager Chris, not knowing me as a person yet, took the chance and gave me the opportunity to work at my current job. Had he not given me the chance to work where I am now, I don’t know where I would be today. He gave me hope of a new opportunity to shine. Also, my mentor J, gave me hope by helping me find work and giving me the tools that I needed in order to get out of my rut of depression and hopelessness that I had felt for years. I try to give hope myself by sharing my love for others through my writings and also helping them feel valued and encouraged through thanking them when I see the positive difference they have made in others’ lives, including mine.
When we give hope, we give life to others. Who around you is dying for love and hope today? Maybe be there for them and give them the encouragement that they are still valued and needed, because being a hope-giver for them could save their lives.
*=Names have been changed for privacy of the individuals mentioned.
I believe that life is a teaching tool for us to be able to
constantly improve ourselves and to learn as much as possible. Though plenty of people have given me bad
advice, there have also been many people that have given me valuable advice
that has greatly impact my worldview and the way I live. Here is a list (in quotes) of some of the best
advice I have ever received in my life,
how it has encouraged or taught me about life, and why I think this
advice is so good:
(In no particular order…)
“Always do your best.”- my dad. – My dad not only has said pretty much
this quote, he also has lived it. He sometimes picks up the slack of others who
are not willing or able to work as hard.
I strive to do my best every day, whether it is at my job, or with my
interactions with others, or whatever I do.
I don’t want to do anything half-heartedly, and I feel (appropriately)
guilty when I do less than my best. The
feeling I get when I accomplish something good and I know I gave it my whole
heart is one of the best feelings in the world!
response is my responsibility.”-Pastor David Shoaf – My pastor’s quote
is completely convicting to me because I know I have, on occasion, blamed
someone for “hurting me” without taking responsibility for a wrong response to
them. When I remember this piece of
advice/admonition, I am able to bite my tongue and be humble enough to admit my
part in a conflict, where I had the wrong response towards someone, even if
that other person really did hurt me.
“Never let those who hate you dislodge your
love and faithfulness to the God who gave His only begotten Son to give all for
you.”—Pastor David Shoaf—Along with advice #2, I think what Pastor
Shoaf said really encourages me to not let my love for God and others falter,
even when others hurt or betray me.
Tough as it is to not let evil or hurtful people discourage my love, I
figure that these people will eventually get what they deserve, but more so, I
can “heap burning coals on their heads.” That is, I can let my love convict
them of their actions, so that they will feel bad and improve their behavior. Also,
sometimes the nastiest people are the ones that need our love the most.
“Don’t let people say you can’t do
something.”-J—This was said by my mentor J. I was so discouraged when I
first met her because many people in my past had discouraged me from trying new
things, and didn’t believe in what I could do. She not only said these words to
encourage me, but also showed me she meant those words by always believing I
could do the things that others may have thought I could never do. Now, even when I have trouble doing
something, I try again and again until I get it right. This advice is so good
for all of us because it keeps us going, even when times are tough. When we
don’t let other people’s estimation of our abilities influence what we do, we
can achieve almost anything!
“People are neighbors to be loved, not
commodities to be used.”—Jefferson Bethke—Even though I have never met
Jefferson in person, how he lives and especially this quote, inspires me. This is a good quote to remind us of the
value of people. I have said this
before, and I will say it again: When we stop caring about people, we become
monsters. That can also be said this
way: When we treat people like commodities to be used, instead of souls that
are to be loved, we also become monsters.
This quote has helped encourage me to uplift and encourage people, and
never to use others to my own advantage.
“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep
to gain that which he cannot lose.”–Jim Elliot—This was something that
the famous missionary, Jim Elliot, said in regards to the eternal versus the
temporal. I have been realizing more and
more that this is very true. This piece
of advice has encouraged me to loosen my grip on some material things and be
more willing to share with those that are in need. In loosening my grip on temporary things like
money and outer appearance, I have found that I am more able to love and help
people than when I become stingy or judgmentally vain. I also have found that when I apply this
quote to letting go of small annoyances that probably won’t be remembered even
the next day, and not to fuss over these issues. For instance, if someone
rudely bumps into me without saying excuse me, instead of getting very upset at
them, I would just politely say, “Excuse me,” and walk away from them, and not
dwell on the situation again.
“Dear ‘helpers’- If you’re doing it
for the gratitude, then it’s not about them, it’s about you.”—my online friend
her real name), in regards to people who do things that they think are kind,
but only so they will feel “good” about themselves and will be appreciated by
the recipient. — This piece of advice
has helped me to make sure my motivations in doing something for others are
pure, and are not tainted with selfishness and self-aggrandizement. I want to have a pure heart when doing
something kind for others, helping others so that they will be able to
experience love and joy, not just so I will feel appreciated by them. I don’t ever want to feel entitled to
appreciation or even respect, but instead to know that these things are gifts from above.
These are some of the best pieces of
advice I have ever been given. All these words of wisdom have helped shaped my
worldview in a positive and more enlightening way for me. They have helped me to be more giving and
loving of others. What are the best pieces
of advice you have ever been given? How have they influenced your life? Feel
free to reply in the comments.
When I was just two years old, I had already experienced my first battle with rejection. I was a very active and naughty child, and so the daycare I was in didn’t want me. Growing up, I struggled to make and keep close friends. I felt some people, even adults, tried to change me into a person who I was never meant to be. Thus, I have struggled with a gnawing sense of insecurity and fear of being unloved almost my whole life. Despite all this, I would change very little about my life. Rejection, especially in my past, has taught me some crucial life lessons that have shaped the person I am able to be today. Here are some of them:
Rejection has taught me to persevere.—I know many people would want to give up after being rejected so many times, but for me, it has built my tenacity. I didn’t want to be stuck and miserable, wallowing over how many people didn’t accept me as a person. For instance, before I got my current job, I had wanted to work at a bookstore. I was ecstatic when I finally got an interview at a location where they were opening a new bookstore. However, when I got interviewed, I was not only too nervous to be really effective in articulating myself, but I also quickly found out that I wasn’t the right fit for the job. I never got a call back from them. Yes, I was crushed, but that experience also taught me that there must be a better fit out there for me. A week or two later, I wanted to check on the status of my resume at my now-current job. That is when the HR scheduled an interview for me for 1 pm. I went there, not really expecting anything to come out of it, but my whole outlook changed when I got a job offer, and I accepted a day later. I have learned so much from my current job that I would never have learned if I had been accepted at the bookstore. Rejection has taught me to try different experiences and things until I found what was right for me. When I struggled to find a job in my career field, I volunteered first. Then, through many tries and stops, I finally found a job that was a good fit for me. It wasn’t easy, but it has been worth it.
Rejection has taught me to forgive.—This has been the toughest lesson that I have been learning and have had to learn. I didn’t know it at the time, but I used to be very bitter and angry at the people that rejected me. I felt that if I was physically dying, for instance, they would just abandon and not help me. However, even from their rejection, they have actually contributed to me being a better person in a way. I have learned not to judge some of them as harshly as I did, because of the pain I may have put them through and also because of their own personal pain that had little or nothing to do with me. Also, I see Jesus Christ’s example of how He was able to persevere through rejection by saying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” as He hung on the cross to die. I also want to follow Jesus’ example, not only because I am a Christian, but also for my own healing from the rejection.
Rejection has taught me to value others more.—This has been one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned from being rejected. I know the pain and hurt that I have experienced because of some people unfairly rejecting me, and I never want anyone else to have to experience that with me. That is why when my co-workers and friends feel unappreciated, unloved, or having a bad day, I strive to be encouraging to them and have them see the value that still resides in them. When I was relating a poem that I wrote referring to my experiences with being rejected in the past, someone said to me, “Do you know that many people here love you?” I said that I did. Furthermore, because of my experiences with past rejection, I actually value the people in my life that love and support me more than I would have if I had never been rejected in my life! I have learned that people should always be loved and cherished for who they are, and not to be molded in the image of whom you want them to be.
Despite the pain and hurt of being rejected, good still has
come out of these negative experiences. I still hate being rejected, but
instead of wallowing in anger and bitterness as in the past, I will strive to
take these and other rejection experiences as life lessons to persevere, forgive,
and value others who do accept and support me, more.