written April 16, 2019
Sunday night, after a snowstorm had ended for the day, I realized how much pain and anguish Jesus had gone through for us—for me, during the last hours of His life, 2,000 years ago, as my pastor relayed the excruciating details of what Jesus had suffered. Over the past few weeks, I confess there had been so much stress going on in my life that I had lost sight of God’s presence and even love for me. However, as I look back over my entire life, I realize that Jesus had not only saved and redeemed me through His sacrifice 2,000 years ago, but also through various people and events in my life. As I look forward to celebrating Easter, I want to remind you—and myself—of God’s saving grace, not only for my sake, but also for yours, so that you will remember how God has been good to you and how blessings have poured into your life.
This is my story, but more importantly, it is His!
On April 9, 1999, I wrote these despairing words in a journal, “I wish I could be more […] effervescent (lively). I feel dead without being physically killed. I hope I don’t die emotionally, but I am dying. If I could only find that zest, that greatness life is supposed to hold. But where is it, at least in me?” At that time, I was feeling very restless and felt like something was missing from my life. Tired of all the pretense around me in my life and feeling like I couldn’t relate to the lyrics of most popular songs, I began searching for deeper music. That is when I was led by God to a Christian radio station that played songs in the popular style I liked, but also had deeper lyrical meaning for me. Through that, God used this longing for something “more” in my life to lead me into a Christian bible study group at a public school I attended. Some months later, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.
God has also saved my literal, physical life several times as well. When I was struggling most severely with depression and suicidal thoughts, each time He reached out to me and prevented me from doing the unthinkable.
Also, on June 14, 2014, after having been hospitalized already a month before for food poisoning, I had to be hospitalized again. (For the whole story on how and why, please visit this page. ) I had been throwing up blood earlier that morning, and I knew something was wrong, so I went to the ER. I found out later that I had to have gallbladder surgery because my gallbladder was twice the size it should have been, was inflamed, and I had several gall stones! Thankfully, I had gone to the ER in time because if I had waited longer, I may not have been here on earth today. God was definitely a part of the timing in this and in guiding the successful surgery by my surgeon.
Then, about four years later, there was a severe blizzard ensuing outside. Many associates had called in sick at my current job, and because I was feeling bad for one of the managers that worked overnight, I wanted to help him. He had so much work to do, with not enough people to do it. I had worked from 2 pm, and my shift was supposed to end at 10 pm. However, I planned to work another shift to help him out. However, when this manager, let’s call him *Chris, realized that I lived more than a few minutes away from work, he told me, “I care about my associates.” and told me in so many words that he would rather have me safely home than me worrying about him getting the work done and possibly have an accident by going home later, when the storm was more severe. I sensed that God was telling me to listen to Chris, and I did. I not only was able to get home at a decent time, I had to call off the next day because the weather was so bad! Thankfully, God moved in Chris to care about my safety, and thus He used Chris to save my life!
Another way, Jesus has redeemed me is by providing me hope and purpose in serving Him. When I was struggling to find lasting work, He provided me activities at my now-former church, like the food pantry and the clinic, to be able to serve the needs of others. By serving at the food pantry and the clinic at my now-former church, my eyes were opened to the pain and the needs of others. I saw people find hope and purpose, as they were being served by my fellow volunteers and me. I saw Jesus work through both ministries in powerful ways, as many people felt loved and cared for by the volunteers there. It was there that I also met some of the most genuine, loving, and caring people, including one of my friends, Laura,* that now attends the church which I am now a member.
After that, through my mentor J, and others, I was able to get my first stable job about six years ago. There, I learned much about customer service, which I strive to apply to my current job. God also led me to see every day as an opportunity to minister to those around me—both customers and co-workers alike.
Then, about three years ago, on a cold, wintry February day, I got my current job, being hired by one of my now-former managers, Chris*(Yes, he is the same one that helped save my physical life in February 2018!) , and several months later, Hope,* one of my managers, promoted me to full-time. God has used this job, not only to help me serve Him better, but also to continually mold and shape me, and so He could tear away the layers of my selfishness and pain of having been bullied by peers and others growing up. I am also constantly able to learn new things about how to serve customers better and to be a better person, personality-wise.
A few months before I got my current job, on December 2015, I started the blog, “God’s Whisperings.” From there, God led me to engage with other like-minded individuals in a blogging group. He also gave me a vision to start this blog as a way to teach others what I have learned from Him, so that they would know His love and goodness in their own lives as well. About a few months ago, I was led by God to join a local writing group, as a way to, not only have a concentrated time to continue to write, but also to learn from others.
Finally, Jesus has saved and redeemed me through various trials, because without them, I would not be the person I am today. Before I got my current job, I applied and got interviewed for a job at a local bookstore that just opened. This was what I had considered one of my “dream jobs.” However, I quickly learned during the interview that I was not a good fit for that job. I felt very disappointed, and slightly despairing, until I interviewed for my current job in February of 2016! Had I had gotten that job at the bookstore, I don’t know how long I would have lasted, or if I would have learned as much as I have at my current job.
Jesus also saved and redeemed me through failed friendships and relationships. He saved me from several people who did not have my (or His) best interests in mind, and who betrayed my trust. Jesus saved me from those who would have hurt me if they had been in my lives much longer. Finally, Jesus continues to redeem my life, through the changes I am currently experiencing, including the redemption of several friendships and relationships that I thought were doomed forever. You can read about one of them here.
As we celebrate Jesus’ resurrection this Sunday (for those that are Christians), let’s remember what God has done in our lives to bring us to where we are today, and for the blessing it is that He is alive and working in us today! Thank God for not only His salvation, but also for the plenty of times He has redeemed us in our lives!