caring, community, credos, eternal matters, family, forgiveness, friends, joy, life, life lessons, love, positivity, purpose, regrets

Finishing Well: Living and Dying Without Regrets

There has been so much going on, in and around my life, that have shown me the frailty of life and how much we need to make sure that our lives are counting for something positive.  People all around us are hurting, begging for love and attention—Someone to give them a hope and a future. According to an article in the Business Insider, Bronnie Ware, who was an Australian nurse, asked dying patients what their regrets in life were. Here is what they said:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

(Source: http://www.businessinsider.com/5-things-people-regret-on-their-deathbed-2013-12, article written by Susan Steiner of The Guardian)

 

And here are some things that people typically think of or are concerned about that, though may have lasting life effects, have absolutely no eternal effect on anyone.

  1. Outer appearance—Our bodies on earth will decay, and I believe, we are getting new bodies. Either way, regardless of how you believe religiously, how you look like now, will not be how you will look like after you die.
  2. Money—Money may be relevant to our lives now, but there is no way to take money, or any other material things with you when you die.
  3. Popularity—Many people aspire to be famous, but how long will it last? I don’t even know my great-grandparents personally! Even though one of my grandfathers was a prominent member of his community when he was still alive, he died when I was a small child. I, unfortunately, don’t remember him at all.  So, why are some of us chasing after popularity? It doesn’t last as long as we wish it could.

I don’t know about anyone else here, but when my race in life is over, I would not want to have any of the five regrets that Bronnie Ware’s patients are reported as having, before they died.  Here is what I have learned in my life so far that can help each of us keep our life regrets to the minimum:

  1. Tell your loved ones—family and friends—how much they mean to you.—How many times have we (including me, unfortunately) rush out of our homes we share with loved ones without telling them how much you love them, or how much they mean to you? I, think, we have done that far too many times.  What if it were the last day you saw them alive, or the last day they saw you alive, and they didn’t know how much you loved and cared about them? In Darrell Scott (father of my faith hero—Rachel Joy Scott), he relates to us how someone asked him what he wanted to say to Rachel if she came back. Scott said, “I said everything I had to say to Rachel. I told her exactly how I felt about her, and I told her how much I loved her. We left no stones unturned.” (Scott, 98). May we tell our loved ones exactly how we feel about them and that we love them. Let us leave no stones unturned. Let’s not be afraid to do that. You never know when and how your loved ones will be or could be taken from you. Let our love for them, triumph over our fear and busyness.
  2. Invest in people, not in projects—As I have often implied or reiterated, sometimes we are so busy with work and different projects, that we forget about people whom we are serving. Yes, we should always be diligent at our jobs in life. However, do not become so diligent that it becomes all-consuming, or an obsession.  We can invest more in people by being willing to learn their life stories, instead of being quick to judge them. If you are having lunch in school and/or at work, try to get to know the people around you, whether in your office or lunchroom.  When you spend time with even close friends and other loved ones, listen (really listen) to their concerns and stories in order to a.) learn more about them b.) Love them better and more.
  3. Don’t listen to naysayers.—Unfortunately, I listened to my share of naysayers for over 15 years, until, finally my mentor J believed in me and helped me to turn a deaf ear to them. For more on how I overcame the naysayers in my life and followed my dreams, see this post.  In order to live and die with minimal regrets, we should refuse to listen to negativity. Though we should listen to constructive criticism, so we can improve on our flaws and become better people, we shouldn’t listen to people who don’t believe in us or our God-given abilities. For instance, if I continued to listen to some of the people that said I could never drive, I would have never been motivated to learn how.  However, once I stopped listening to them, and my negative inner voices, I was able to drive myself.
  4. Don’t let petty stuff get in the way of our lives and legacies.—First of all, let us strive to forgive, forgive, forgive, and let the little things go. One of my friends sometimes says, “Don’t let [the little things] rent space in your head.” For instance, if a friend of mine doesn’t say “Hi” to me one day or if a customer gives me a dirty look because he or she thinks I’m beneath them, I can either be frustrated with them and let them ruin my entire day, or I can tell myself that they are having a bad day, and overlook their sour attitudes and go on with my day, not letting them affect me. When someone hurts us, either accidentally or on purpose, yes we can be angry with them. In fact, it is a natural and normal reaction to an injustice done to us!  However, don’t let the anger fester and have it turn into bitterness and resentment.  Being bitter and angry does not only affect you and the person who hurt you, but they also affect everyone around us, including people having nothing to do with our hurt and pain!  Also, do not value the superficial over the eternally important.  That is, don’t place a supreme importance on things that will not last. For instance, though we should value our finances, we shouldn’t be so obsessed with it that we are willing to rob others and/or fight against others in order to get more money for ourselves.

 

If we want to live life without the big five regrets that Bronnie Ware’s dying patients were reported as  having, we should always strive to tell our loved ones that we love them, and how much they mean to us; we should always be willing to invest more in our personal relationships, instead of projects at work or school. We should not listen to naysayers that hold us back from our God-given dreams. Finally, we should not let the small stuff of life get in the way of living a fulfilling life and a lasting, positive legacy.  What are some things you can do to leave a lasting legacy? May we live, and finish the race of live with much joy, love and minimal regrets!

 

Sources:

Scott, Darrell and Rabey, Steve. (2001). Chain Reaction. Tennessee: Thomas Nelson.

Steiner, Susan.  5 Dec. 2013. “The 5 Things People Most Regret on Their Deathbed.” The Guardian, via Business Insider.  Retrieved 3/25/2018, from the World Wide Web. < http://www.businessinsider.com/5-things-people-regret-on-their-deathbed-2013-12&gt;.

 

12 thoughts on “Finishing Well: Living and Dying Without Regrets”

  1. Life is so fleeting, and it’s so easy to get wrapped up in this world. Although I’m in my early 30’s, many of my friends are 60+…I have gone to a lot of funerals. It’s always interesting to me how well attended each event is, as well as how people chat in the lobby (do people know each other, or are they in little groups). Many cultures think that there are two deaths – the first is the physical and the second is when you’re no longer remembered. Interesting food for thought and a great reminder, thanks.

    Like

    1. Great point about the two types of deaths. This is why we need to live positively, memorable lives. So we will not be completely forgotten and so we will not be remembered badly.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I needed to see this. There are so many things I’m currently struggling with that really don’t have any meaning… at all – which has left it hard to enjoy the little things in life. It’s so important to always stay positive! You are inspiring!

    Like

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