Disclaimer: I am in no way against marriage or good relationships. However, these are my reasons that I choose to be single for right now and for the near future. Please no disparaging comments about anyone, or your comment will be deleted. Thank you.
For many years, I have wanted to be in a relationship; I wanted to find “The One.” When I would go to weddings, though I would be happy for the couple, I felt a little envious too and depressed at myself that that wasn’t my life. When I heard my friends were having children, I felt sad for myself that I wasn’t a mom. It has been over 30 years, and I still haven’t found “The One.” However, I am happier today than I have ever been at any point in my life. Here is why I choose to remain single and why I am happy being this way:
- I love the relative freedom I have to serve God and others.—Sure there are constraints on my time since I work and do other things, but I would have even more if I were in a relationship. At this point in my life, I need to be free to serve God and others without being distracted 24/7 from that goal by another person. I know that sounds selfish, but for the season of life that I’m in, my singleness has worked effectively in building more relationships with others and being able to communicate and express myself more freely. I would love to one day talk to people about God’s love and that may involve a lot of travel, which would be taxing for another person, especially if they don’t share exactly the same passion as I do. I don’t want them to have to go through that.
- Along with #1, I am WAY too busy to invest in a serious, romantic relationship with another.—Between working a full-time job, church activities at least twice a week, blogging and preparing to create a business with that, and other things, I have little time even for myself, let alone loads of one-on-one time with a guy. If I were to date someone right now, I would probably end up breaking up with him soon, because I would not have the proper time to invest in him. For me, it would be better to stay single, than to give less than my best to a person I claim to love, or at least admire.
- Along with #2, I am so busy and already invest in a lot of people, I would have little left emotionally to give to my significant other.—By the end of each day, I am usually close to wanting to sleep. If I were to try to invest in a serious, romantic relationship with someone, I would either go crazy or not have any emotional support left to give them. I would be so spent that it would be impossible to provide what my significant other needed! Either I would have to slowly scale back what I am doing now (which I feel God and myself don’t want right now) or my significant other would have to be exactly in sync with what I am doing and feeling (possibility of that happening all or most of the time: slim to none!).
- I don’ t want to be so distracted by a guy that I end up suffering spiritually.—When I “like, like” a guy, I tend to be very distracted by him and his desires, to the point where I don’t focus on God anymore or as much. I don’t want that to happen to me. My relationship with God and my spirituality are critical to me, and no guy is worth that much to me that I am willing to sacrifice God for him. If I am with a guy, he and I need to be at a point where we are both on the same page spiritually and I am focused on God first.
- I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.—Contrary to what I thought before, I don’t actually need to be in a relationship to be happy. God and others have shown me that I don’t need a boyfriend or significant other. Even if I remain single for the rest of my life, I won’t end up being an “Old Maid” or something. I would still be serving God and others. I would likely still have some friends, and I have the trust that I still would be provided for somehow.
- I am not ready for a relationship with that magnitude.—Another reason I am single is that I simply am not ready to make a lifetime or even an extended commitment to another person like that. I am still figuring out what God wants me to do with my life, specifically. I know He wants me to serve and love Him for others, but how that looks like is still somewhat unclear to me. Also, I am not in the mood or ready to “settle down” yet. I actually fear that I would be bored and depressed like I was before I had my previous job if I were to “settle down” with someone.
- I haven’t found “The One” yet.—I have had crushes on several people, but they all let me down in the end. I have wanted to be in relationships with someone who I thought was single until they got into a relationship. I won’t lower my standards or accept anyone for a mate that is less than God’s best for me, because I would take dating and marital commitments very seriously. I don’t ever want to go through the pain of getting a divorce or end up with someone who is less than faithful to me or ends up abusing me.
These are some of the reasons why I am single. Contrary to most of what society thinks, I don’t believe one needs to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and whole. I think that, in general, I have been the happiest and most content that I have been in a long time. And I am still single.