DISCLAIMER: No negative comments about me allowed! This was mostly written three years ago, with some obvious recent edits. This is a very raw post for me, so please be sensitive in your comments. Thank you. Also, this post deals with issues of depression, Eating Disorders and verbal abuse, so if that triggers you, please feel free to skip and read another post.
To my 15-year-old self:
I know you feel depressed and lonely. I know you feel that there is no hope for your life anymore. I know the bad memories of four years ago when you almost destroyed yourself by half-starving yourself and when you had no friends still dog your mind and soul. I know that guy that told you recently that you would never drive, never amount to anything at all etch in your very soul. I know you don’t have many people that you would consider a “friend.” You see your immediate family (your dad, mom, and sibling) seemingly joyous and glad. But you wonder where “that zest, that greatness life is supposed to hold” is for you.
But please don’t despair. Don’t give up! I know you only have a handful of people that even want to talk to you at school at length and that you consider your buddies, if that. But you want a friend, a real friend. A friend that will give more than just an obligatory card or present on your birthday or on Christmas! A friend that will invite you to things and make you feel included. A friend that will not leave you even if you tell him or her all the sordid details of your past, even if you’re being selfish or just not being a good friend to them in general. But, you know that teacher that is sometimes saying “hi” to you in the hallway and has a reputation for being nice? Well, she will become one of your good friends in the future. Also, you will meet a better friend than even her in the future. His name? Jesus Christ. He will not only be your friend—He will be your Lord and Savior! He will never leave you. He will always be with you. He will forgive you for even your worst mistakes and moral failures. Because of your relationship with Jesus, you will have a loving and supportive church family (friends, if you prefer) and even many other people of all ages that will want to get to know you. The REAL you.
And your driving? You will be able to drive on your own to and from work with your car (which by the way won’t be your dream job and it will be rather far away from where you’re living now, but you will be content even in that job). You will be able to drive with confidence! So, don’t listen to or take to heart what that guy that told you that you would never amount to anything and that you wouldn’t be able to drive. He’s not god and he’s not your future! Please don’t give up on your dream that one day you will be able to drive alone, and be joyful and fulfilled in life. Because though it seems out of reach, miracles can and will happen!
More importantly, because of Jesus, you will have purpose and meaning in your life that you never had before! You will love and serve Him! So, I urge you to keep searching for “that zest, that greatness that life is supposed to hold.” Because you will find it!
Me (at 34)
Afterword: (to the readers): Please call 1-800-273-8255 (Suicide hotline) if you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts. It can save a life. Also, if you are feeling depressed or don’t know where your life is headed, please know that there is always hope as long as you are alive and you try your best. I hope my story will inspire you to not give up when things get tough because your pain will not last forever (even though it may seem that way) and joy and hope will once again permeate your life if you persevere.
6 thoughts on “A Letter to My 15-Year Old Self”
Being 15 is tough, I remember struggling with depression back then as well. I love this 🙂
The teen years are difficult enough, without the added burden of depression. Kudos to YOU for having the strength and the faith to have gotten through those rough years. This post is brave and honest, and I’m sure it will help others who are either in the midst of a difficult time, or have just gotten through some challenge in their lives also. Great post!
This is a great post and I would have written a similar letter to myself. That was a very tough time in my childhood.
You are an inspiration! Keep on doing what you are doing! Glad to call you my friend and sister in the Lord!
This is a really beautiful and candid post. There are so many things that I too wish I could tell my 15-year-old self. This letter is inspiring and hopeful. Keep on being amazing!
If only we could really write a letter to ourselves, from our “future self”. It would make the younger years ALOT easier for some people. 🙂 Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a way to write these kinds of letters to younger people, and actually people of any age, who are struggling? If only those people would believe what was in those letters. If only someone could predict someone’s future.